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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

EDITED: God only takes the best!

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 7:42 AM
  • 116 Replies
9 moms liked this

Someone I know just lost her 10 year-old daughter to a very aggressive form of Leukemia. This poor woman has spent the last two years watching her child endure some of the most horrific things... no one, let alone a child, should have to go through this. 

She has a Facebook page set up for her daughter to keep everyone updated on her progress. When she posted that she had passed, some of the comments just absolutely infuriated me.

I can't STAND "God has a plan." "Trust God's Plan" and the worst... "God only take takes the best!"

Really? That is supposed to be COMFORTING?!? Let me get this straight. God is a horrible, vindictive, sicko in the sky who intentionally inflicts horrible diseases on innocent children, and forces them to suffer for years with it just to kill them and we're supposed to be cool with that? Oh, and now the child is "with" this sicko and we're supposed to rejoice in that?!? Somehow this doesn't jive with the loving, caring father figure that organized relgion positions him to be. 

Do people actually THINK about what this sounds like before they say it? It was God's will this kid suffered so? It was God's will that the mother had to suffer watching her daughter slowly die, day after day for two fucking years? Really?

It is God's will that my own TWO year old has Leukemia? Or the SIX MONTH OLD at the clinic he goes to has Neuroblastoma? The shit I see day in and day out since my son got sick is beyond imaginable. 

If its truly God's will that innocent children must suffer so, then hey, he can keep his kingdom, and he can shove it straight up his high and mighty ass. With the thousands of kids that die every year from cancer, not to mention all the other death and destruction of the human race, if its all "His will" then he's basically a damn serial killer. 

Hearing shit like, "God only takes the best!" makes me hate religion even more. I don't find this comforting at all. If anything, it pisses me off to no end. 

EDITED: Ok, since so many of you are interpreting this as an attack on religion, let me explain my point to you in simpler terms.

I have zero issue with anyone saying, "I will pray for you." "She is in heaven now with God" "She is now an angel in heaven, etc." "She's at peace." etc. It's not the religious context that bothers me. 

If you are a Christian, and you believe that God is a loving deity who created all of us in his image, and he especially loves children, then WHY would you say things like "It's God's Plan" when someone suffers a horrible loss like the death of a child. You are telling this person that God in a sense wanted their child to suffer and die. Or "God only takes the best!" You are telling this person that God basically murdered their child. HOW is that comforting? How does that even jive with your understanding of God and Jesus? Because neither of those statements sound anything like the God or Jesus I was taught. 

At this point in my life, given everything I have seen and the amount of suffering I have witnessed, do I find solace in religion? No. Right now I have a very hard time believing in anything. It's easier to believe that nothing exists and that none of this is in anyone's control. That's where I'm at right now. I have never personally seen proof of God's existence one way or another, so I don't completely discount the possibility, although I don't think that if He exists, its in the way any of us were taught to believe. 

But I have zero issue with anyone's religion. I have Jewish friends, Muslim friends, and Christian friends. I also have atheist friends. It doesn't change my view about how I feel about them at all. I enjoy talking to them about their beliefs and why they feel the way they do.  I find religion and its effects on human nature fascinating. 

But I can't stomach someone telling a mother who just lost her daughter after watching her suffer for TWO YEARS that it was "God's Plan." Yes, I think that is a very sick thing to say.

I would like to believe that yes, this little girl, who so loved princesses, is now wearing sparkly, hot pink wings and a matching tiara and is dancing with other children in heaven. That sounds lovely... I'd much rather think that if there is a God, he's THAT kind of guy.



by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 7:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Missdameanor
by Not-a-felony on Jul. 8, 2014 at 7:46 AM
A Christian will tell you that we all die because it is the wages of sin. I think it is much simpler than that.
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Jul. 8, 2014 at 7:47 AM

Quoting GMom2011:

Someone I know just lost her 10 year-old daughter to a very aggressive form of Leukemia. This poor woman has spent the last two years watching her child endure some of the most horrific things... no one, let alone a child, should have to go through this. 

She has a Facebook page set up for her daughter to keep everyone updated on her progress. When she posted that she had passed, some of the comments just absolutely infuriated me.

I can't STAND "God has a plan." "Trust God's Plan" and the worst... "God only take takes the best!"

Really? That is supposed to be COMFORTING?!? Let me get this straight. God is a horrible, vindictive, sicko in the sky who intentionally inflicts horrible diseases on innocent children, and forces them to suffer for years with it just to kill them and we're supposed to be cool with that? Oh, and now the child is "with" this sicko and we're supposed to rejoice in that?!? Somehow this doesn't jive with the loving, caring father figure that organized relgion positions him to be. 

Do people actually THINK about what this sounds like before they say it? It was God's will this kid suffered so? It was God's will that the mother had to suffer watching her daughter slowly die, day after day for two fucking years? Really?

It is God's will that my own TWO year old has Leukemia? Or the SIX MONTH OLD at the clinic he goes to has Neuroblastoma? The shit I see day in and day out since my son got sick is beyond imaginable. 

If its truly God's will that innocent children must suffer so, then hey, he can keep his kingdom, and he can shove it straight up his high and mighty ass. With the thousands of kids that die every year from cancer, not to mention all the other death and destruction of the human race, if its all "His will" then he's basically a damn serial killer. 

Hearing shit like, "God only takes the best!" makes me hate religion even more. I don't find this comforting at all. If anything, it pisses me off to no end. 




Canadiana
by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 7:50 AM

You are hurting and grieving, and it's completely normal this makes no sense to you.  I also hate that people say things like this, they just don't know what to say.  I'm not overly religious, I believe in a higher power, but would never believe he wants children to suffer.  We are mortal, our bodies decay easily, that is how I see it, environmental and biological variables affect how our bodies react with the world.  We are poisioning the earth we live on and it's causing us to get sick.  But that isn't very easy to swallow when it's your own child.  Your anger is normal, and healthy, and I hope you can learn to direct it in the right way to cause passion and change instead of just anger and hurt (((Hugs)))

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 9:02 AM
Blaming an entire religion because you are bitter and angry is sad. Has it brought you any measure of peace? I would personally never tell any parent that it was God's plan for their child to suffer, but your anger at people who meant well is too much. People don't usually know what to say in situations like that. To them, they are being comforting. Your experience and bitterness doesn't negate someone else's view of what comforts. You should try dealing with your own bitterness first.
GMom2011
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 9:25 AM
2 moms liked this
How hard is it to say, "I'm sorry for your loss?" Is it that hard?

People try to justify a death with religion because it makes themselves feel better because they themselves are scared of death and they have to believe they have some higher purpose.

What if a person is not religious? It's rather rude to assume they are by saying such things to then.

This isn't a debate over whether or not God exists. It doesn't make any sense to say God is loving on one hand, and then turn around and say that he makes people suffer and die because its his plan.

I don't necessarily know if I believe anymore in a higher power. The things I have seen in my lifetime really makes that hard to believe. But I definitely don't believe in organized religion anymore. It's a man made construct designed to explain natural order and to control the populace. People should be good and caring because we can't survive as a species if we don't, not because some invisible man in the sky is going to punish you if you don't.



Quoting Anonymous: Blaming an entire religion because you are bitter and angry is sad. Has it brought you any measure of peace? I would personally never tell any parent that it was God's plan for their child to suffer, but your anger at people who meant well is too much. People don't usually know what to say in situations like that. To them, they are being comforting. Your experience and bitterness doesn't negate someone else's view of what comforts. You should try dealing with your own bitterness first.
GMom2011
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 9:31 AM
Also, peace comes through acceptance of a situation. Not from pretending circumstances were determined by outside forces. I would challenge you to surround yourself with the suffering of your own child, and dozens of other children and their parents and see how bitter you would feel.

A simple, "I am so sorry" is enough. Trying to justify someone's death through your personal beliefs is wrong in my opinion.

The shit that has been said to me since my son was diagnosed is vomit inducing.

Quoting GMom2011: How hard is it to say, "I'm sorry for your loss?" Is it that hard?

People try to justify a death with religion because it makes themselves feel better because they themselves are scared of death and they have to believe they have some higher purpose.

What if a person is not religious? It's rather rude to assume they are by saying such things to then.

This isn't a debate over whether or not God exists. It doesn't make any sense to say God is loving on one hand, and then turn around and say that he makes people suffer and die because its his plan.

I don't necessarily know if I believe anymore in a higher power. The things I have seen in my lifetime really makes that hard to believe. But I definitely don't believe in organized religion anymore. It's a man made construct designed to explain natural order and to control the populace. People should be good and caring because we can't survive as a species if we don't, not because some invisible man in the sky is going to punish you if you don't.



Quoting Anonymous: Blaming an entire religion because you are bitter and angry is sad. Has it brought you any measure of peace? I would personally never tell any parent that it was God's plan for their child to suffer, but your anger at people who meant well is too much. People don't usually know what to say in situations like that. To them, they are being comforting. Your experience and bitterness doesn't negate someone else's view of what comforts. You should try dealing with your own bitterness first.
GMom2011
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:39 AM
Thank you. I am directing it into being an activist for change in cancer treatment for kids. Most people are blissfully unaware of how underfunded childhood cancer research is. Only 4 cents if every dollar raised for cancer research is dedicated for childhood cancer. Every year funding gets cut.

Kids are using cancer drugs designed for adults. Some of them are more than 60 years old. They aren't designed for developing bodies and for the children who survive, 98% suffer side effects from treatment. Many of them life threatening.

Yet drug companies focus on more drugs for old men to get boners, instead of working to create drugs that attack the cancer, and not permanently damage tiny, developing bodies.

I'm still new to being a cancer mom. My son was diagnosed 8 months ago. In that time, five children I know of have died. One is too many. It's the worst thing I have ever gone through and I've already had more than my fair share of shit sandwiches. I plan on writing a book about my experience to help new cancer parents cope.

So yes, I am channeling my anger for good. The little girl who just died, I loved. I get that people don't always know what to say, but I don't understand the logic behind the "God's plan" comments. Someone said that to me when my son was diagnosed and I wanted to punch her teeth out.

Quoting Canadiana:

You are hurting and grieving, and it's completely normal this makes no sense to you.  I also hate that people say things like this, they just don't know what to say.  I'm not overly religious, I believe in a higher power, but would never believe he wants children to suffer.  We are mortal, our bodies decay easily, that is how I see it, environmental and biological variables affect how our bodies react with the world.  We are poisioning the earth we live on and it's causing us to get sick.  But that isn't very easy to swallow when it's your own child.  Your anger is normal, and healthy, and I hope you can learn to direct it in the right way to cause passion and change instead of just anger and hurt (((Hugs)))

lovemercygrace
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 12:01 PM
Not all Christians think that. I for one believe that people die, because it is their time to die. I believe in gods grace and mercy, wages of sin have nothing to do with who lives and who dies.

Quoting Missdameanor: A Christian will tell you that we all die because it is the wages of sin. I think it is much simpler than that.
Missdameanor
by Not-a-felony on Jul. 8, 2014 at 12:28 PM
I was actually talking about being cast out of the garden and death being the wages of original sin in the Christian view. But okay ;)

Quoting lovemercygrace: Not all Christians think that. I for one believe that people die, because it is their time to die. I believe in gods grace and mercy, wages of sin have nothing to do with who lives and who dies.
Quoting Missdameanor: A Christian will tell you that we all die because it is the wages of sin. I think it is much simpler than that.
ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Jul. 8, 2014 at 12:30 PM

Honestly it's why I rarely say anything anymore. I don't want to offend or hurt people more.  I never know what to say.

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