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Should SAHM have a say in...EDIT

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Having more kids?

Say the couple has one child. How much say does the sahm have over having another. Seeing as she isn't financially contributing.

Just a discussion a couple friends and I were having yesterday. I'm sure someone will find a way to start shit, but I'm interested what you all think.

This came up because a girlfriend of mine is a sahm who wants another child. Her husband says he doesn't. Doesn't want the financial burden despite being able to afford it. So hence, she doesn't contribute, she doesn't get a say.
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:25 AM
Replies (361-370):
pookietooth
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 10:45 PM

I don't think it should matter whether she is a SAHM or a working mom - it's her body. I think if he's pulling the "I'm working so all the money is mine," crap, she should probably take him to marital counseling, or maybe even ask for a divorce. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 60 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:10 PM
1 mom liked this

If my husband didn't want another child why the hell would I have it? If a SAHM wants another child and he doesn;t then it is a tie vote and that means no kid. I would never bring a child into a marriage that was not wanted by the father and I would never trick my husband into having another one either. If a man wants his wife to not work and stay at home with the child and can afford her to do so they still have the say in how many kids tey have. I would be looking for another husband lol If my husband thought I was a 2nd rate citizen because I don;t work OUT  of the home and therefore had NO say in our life I would dump his ass in a heart beat.

babyliz13
by Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:18 PM

Um... She does contribute she stays at home with the kid. I'd like to see the husband stay home with the kid and the mom work and then him have no say in them having another kid. It's her body and if she's staying at home with the kids then why does he care. He's not paying for child care. It saves them some money at least. 

She has every right to have every say in if they have another child. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 61 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:19 PM
So if the mother is working and paying for child care she should have a say but a SAHM is of less value because of the lack of a visable paycheck?
OK please someone who is a SAHM of one child please post what your work hours are at the average wage for a daycare provider. I am so sick hearing about this! Maybe we need to see it in black and white. so the family isn't paying $$$ per week in child care and so that is what the SAHM is worth financally to the household.
SAHM is looked down by many and it isn't for everyone but SAHM doesn't equal zero financal contrubution either! Maybe some SAHM's would make extra for their households after child care maybe some wouldn't but child care expenses are part of having kids regardless! Can pay for it by one parent staying at home (and so not brining in a visable paycheck) or paying for outside childcare & both parents working but you're still PAYING for it.
What this should be about is he doesn't want another child and she does.SAHM should have nothing to do with it. The how many children issue is something they should have discussed before marriage.


kissmiss213
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:24 PM

i dont think that is fair.  i think that she does have a say, but i also think that if one partner doesnt want them then you wait until you both do. is he saying never? or not now?

Hapsand123
by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:25 PM

She might not be bringing in money but she should be pulling her weight in the fact that she takes car of the kids AND not to mention she will actually be having the child. 

I do think that it has to be a mutual disicion. Its not just one sided. 

I dont think it necessarily ment that she doesnt make money so no she cant have a say, its just the reason he doesnt want to. She can have a say but if both dont agree on having and wanting a child then why have one. 

EXPRESSIONS (art group)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 62 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:28 PM
Needs to be a mutual decision
marmelsan
by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:32 PM
I have a friend who has one dsughter really wants another child, but the dad is the sahd and is on disability. She can handle the expenses on her own. He doesn't want another. I doubt it has anything to do with finances. I'm wondering if this couple discussed the issue of having children, in much detail, before getting married? It just sounds like he's not all that into having kids.
KenyettaS
by Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:39 PM
Sadly, so many people feel that way: I make the money or you don't make the money so I have a say about... I think it's effed up

Quoting erinsmom1964: This is one of the dumbest questions I have seen in awhile. Since when does money dictate that one PARTNER rules over the other. In the case of children whichever person says no has the final say no matter which parent they are or how much money they bring in.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 63 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 11:40 PM
If one person in a couple doesn't want another child, they should not conceive another child. If it's a roadblock, they should seek counseling. I don't see how employment comes into play. I don't see how lack of outside employment means she doesn't get a say. I agree that they should not conceive as long as he doesn't want to.
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