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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Does She Not Realize What She Is Doing To Her?

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:26 PM
  • 37 Replies
My stepdaughter is 8 years old. When my husband and I were dating, his ex was given a promotion at work and started working crazy hours. She was leaving their daughter with him more but still expecting him to pay his child support. I encouraged him to fight for custody and he did. She fought back at first but then gave it to him. She has accused me since our first date of trying to steal Anna, all because of a litttle innocent comment that Anna (she was 5) made. I was her teacher. She told her mommy that, if daddy and I got married, her favorite teacher would be her mommy. It was an innocent comment from a 5 year old and she decided that I was trying to steal her child! Anyway, things settled down after the wedding and she and I actually started getting along and started doing things together with and without the kids (we share a similar taste in books and movies). We even made a running joke out of Anna's teacher thinking that we were lesbians (long hilarious story).

Well, lately I can see her lapsing back into the old pattern that caused my husband to seek custody. She is supposed to get her every other weekend but she does well to get her once a month now. She says she works hard and wants time to relax on the weekends. So do I but I still make time for my kids. I don't just send them off for the weekends. I wanted to have a family and a career so I chose a career that would allow me to have time for my family. She has admitted to me that she never wanted to have children but Anna was unplanned, like that excuses it. During the summer, she is supposed to get her every other week. It is usually Tuesday night when she gets her and she brings her back thursday or friday, if she gets her at all. She doesnt have a reliable babysitter, after she fired the last little bitch that babysat Anna. She used to leave her with my mother but she moved closer to her job and it is too far. I have offered for her to stay with us during the day and then let Anna go home with her mother during the night but she doesn't want to drive back and forth.

Basically what my husband thinks, and I agree, is that Leslie doesn't want to be mommy, but she didn't want me to be mommy either, but now she's over it. She likes playing mommy when she feels like it but she doesn't actually want the responsibility. Anna has been begging her to let her call me mommy since her daddy and I got married. Leslie has told her no but recently gave her permission. She has also admitted to me that I am more of a mother to Anna than she is. "Thank God she has you because I'm just not cut out to be a mother."

She can feel that way all she wants. I don't care. I love Anna and I would happily adopt her, but how does she not see how this effects Anna? Can't she see how heartbreaking it is to her to think that her mother doesn't want to spend time with her? Say what you want about career mothers but it is possible to do both. I manage just fine. Leslie chooses not to.

I guess I just need to vent. Leslie was supposed to get Anna Sunday night. It is now Tuesday night and her mother just called to say that she wouldn't be able to get her this week after she PROMISED. She was going to take two weeks off and take Anna to Myrtle Beach for a week and then spend a week at home with her. Anna has been looking forward to this since the plans were made a month ago. Now she is crying because she can't go. Something came up at work. Her mother said "We'll do it next week." and she just said "Yeah. Sure mommy." and hung up the phone and hasn't stopped crying since. I seriously feel like calling her and having it out but my Georgia Redneck temper might get the better of me and I may say something I regret...or punch her in the face. I need to calm down first.

Oh, just a side note, the same thing happened to my stepbrother and sister. Now they are grown with children of their own. They love their mother but they don't have a relationship with her and neither do their kids. They consider my mother their mom. It just breaks their hearts to see it happening to Anna too. I should tell Leslie that. I wonder if she thinks its worth it.
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by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BEXi
by BEXi on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:41 PM

That is so sad. Im sorry she has to go through that.

Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:42 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Tell her to stop making promises to Anna. Let her play mom when she wants and she can surprise Anna by coming and taking her for a couple of days or taking her on a vacation but Anna will not be upset. Go and take her out if you can so she is not so upset about her mom not taking her on a vacation this week. 

Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:52 PM
I am just livid right now. I know I can't talk to her.

Quoting BEXi:

That is so sad. Im sorry she has to go through that.

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Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:54 PM
We are planning White Water this week. My 6 year old told her that this meant she could go with us and she felt a little better but she is still upset.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tell her to stop making promises to Anna. Let her play mom when she wants and she can surprise Anna by coming and taking her for a couple of days or taking her on a vacation but Anna will not be upset. Go and take her out if you can so she is not so upset about her mom not taking her on a vacation this week. 

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skymama10
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:55 PM
I am so sorry for Anna. If you can I would do something special with just her this week.
Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:55 PM
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grnhsegoddess
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:57 PM
That sucks. My brother and his ex used to fight over who had to take their daughter...not who GETS to see her, but who HAS to watch her. She ends up feeling like a burden to them both and she's only 7. People are rotten. So is Anna's bm. You're a great lady for making her feel loved.
Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:59 PM
I was taking the rest of the kids to White Water this week so she will get to do that. My sister is also wanting to go to the zoo this weekend.

Quoting skymama10: I am so sorry for Anna. If you can I would do something special with just her this week.
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JackieGirl007
by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 5:01 PM

 Yeah, my sd's mom dropped her off at our house with all her stuff and said "You take her. I am done with her."

 As if that wasn't bad enough, she then moved out of state without telling sd. Then she came into town one day, went out to lunch with dd and when she dropped her off, said RIGHT IN FRONT OF SD "I'm so happy now that I got rid of her".

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