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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

What do you say or do in a situation like this?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies
My fiancés ex wife is dating a man who expects his 'woman' to take on the submissive role and she does it willingly. The problem is his kids notice.

The man apparently will say 'woman get me a soda' or 'woman make me dinner' and she gets up and does it. He always calls her woman. Never by her name.

She told my fiancé about it today because their 12 year old daughter asked her why she lets the boyfriend talk to her that way.

She said she told their daughter that's what she likes but that doesn't mean she has to want that when she grows up and is in relationships.

What he and I have a problem with is that we think there is more to the story. This man beat her in the past and we think it's more of a controlling thing and of course there isn't much we can do while they are with their mom but what can we do when they are with us to show them that being respectful in a relationship is the right kind of relationship. He also doesn't want his kids to think what their mother is doing is right, he's never been into the submissive wife role.

So what can we do? Obviously that's not how things work in our house and they have to see that but anything else he can say to his daughter or we can do to show her how we feel a relationship is supposed to work?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:05 PM
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Replies (1-9):
AvantGardener
by Song Bird on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:06 PM

You keep an open line of communication with the 12 year old and make sure she can tell you if she's in danger.

BeAmour
by Tonya on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:06 PM
There's nothing you can do until she notices the problem or reaches out for help/advice.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:07 PM
There is nothing. They will grow up and decide for themselves what kind of relationship they want.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:10 PM
You can only lead by example here. Communicate with the kids and let them know they can talk to you about this kind of stuff to get a broader perspective.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:16 PM
So you don't teach your children anything? You just have the attitude that you can't do anything and they will just grow up and be whoever they are supposed to be with it without you?

Quoting Anonymous: There is nothing. They will grow up and decide for themselves what kind of relationship they want.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:16 PM
Thanks, I'll tell my fiancé that. I know he's trying to figure out what to say to them.

Quoting Danesmommy1: You can only lead by example here. Communicate with the kids and let them know they can talk to you about this kind of stuff to get a broader perspective.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:19 PM
Ok. How about trash talk their mom.

Quoting Anonymous: So you don't teach your children anything? You just have the attitude that you can't do anything and they will just grow up and be whoever they are supposed to be with it without you?

Quoting Anonymous: There is nothing. They will grow up and decide for themselves what kind of relationship they want.
2kids2dogs2cats
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:20 PM

I honestly think if he has beat her in the past, the next step is her kids.  I would be having a very long talk with your SO about that possiblity, and I would also insist that he speaks to a lawyer, I am sure you can get something in the CO that the man is not to be around when the children are present.

I worry about the message this sends to her kids, and hopefully you are the kind of future step mom, who would embrace having them with your full time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2014 at 8:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I do think he and I need to sit down and talk about the possibility of him going for custody and yes I've actually told him many times that if he wants to fight for custody I will be 100% behind him.

Quoting 2kids2dogs2cats:

I honestly think if he has beat her in the past, the next step is her kids.  I would be having a very long talk with your SO about that possiblity, and I would also insist that he speaks to a lawyer, I am sure you can get something in the CO that the man is not to be around when the children are present.

I worry about the message this sends to her kids, and hopefully you are the kind of future step mom, who would embrace having them with your full time.

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