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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Life long friend vs husband

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 35 Replies
OK so I'm writing this hoping someone on here has a similar situation or at least can understand where I am coming from or tell me honestly I'm dead wrong and need to shed the baggage.....here's the story, I have a male guy friend who I've had since I was 10....that makes it a 20 year friendship. We have never been anything except friends....ever! So all throughout our dating years (with other people of course) one of the first things we told the person we were dating was that we had a very close friend of the opposite sex and if there was going to be any issue with that then their was no use in wasting anyone's time. We both lost several partners along the way who just couldn't understand the friendship. So then I started dating my husband....I told him the same thing I've told everyone else. He said he could deal with it....didn't really like it but he could deal with it....my guy friend had already met his now wife at this time she was told the same thing. And she had a hard time understanding but after a long while she accepted and embraced my friendship as well. I love her as I do all my friends. So anyways 10 years later and 3 kids for my husband and I and a set of twins for my friend and his wife my husband met my friend today for the first time while I offered to babysit his twins in my home daycare....by the way I discussed this with my husband and he voiced no concerns he said OK so I proceeded. OK so he met my friend after 10 years of him obviously avoiding any kind of contact with him and my husband was so rude! I felt so embarrassed by his stand off actions towards my friend because my husband is a very likable man! So after my friend left I've tried several times to talk to my husband about it because he had a bad attitude all evening and the last thing I want is him to feel threatened in his ozwn home.he insist nothing is wrong and he doesn't have an issue with the twins being here.....I offered to stop watching them if it was going to be an issue he said no but its obviously an issue! The agreement is to watch the twins 1 day a week for the next 3 weeks that's it. Keep in mind my friend and I only talk like once every 3-4 months out of respect for our spouses. Am I wrong to have this friend continue to be in my life or does my husband just have trust issues?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2014 at 10:39 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 10:57 PM
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I almost dont know where to go with this one hun, it does sound like ur dh has an issue but im having a hard time i guess understanding why... Im also trying to understand why you and the best friend only talk every 3-4 months. I know you said its out of respect for y'alls spouses but maybe thats the problem. If you have been friends for 20 yrs and been with your dh for 10 yrs why is he just now meeting him? And meeting him for the first time as he is dropping his kids off at your house? That alone probably made dh very uncomfortable. Why hasnt there been dinners where both families get together so they have had a chance to maybe bond? I get the friendship thing totally but if your dh has issues you may want to really have a heart to heart with him before this tears your marriage apart.
MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Jul. 9, 2014 at 10:58 PM
12 moms liked this

 How good of a friend could he have been if your husband hadn't met him in 10 years??

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 10:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I find it hard to believe that you and this friend are so close but yet he just met your husband for the first time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:04 PM
My husband has refused to go to every dinner date that we have ever set up. When they had their twins I of course wanted to go see them and he wouldn't come with me there either.he says they have nothing in common which he doesn't know because he doesn't even know him! He actually was picking the kids up when he let him. I've tried countless times to talk to him and make him understand that we are only friends and never have and never will be anything else. We started talking every few months because my hom husband had once said his issue was we talked too frequently which I could understand because it was prob like once a week then so we compromised and we just catch up every few months instead!

Quoting Anonymous: I almost dont know where to go with this one hun, it does sound like ur dh has an issue but im having a hard time i guess understanding why... Im also trying to understand why you and the best friend only talk every 3-4 months. I know you said its out of respect for y'alls spouses but maybe thats the problem. If you have been friends for 20 yrs and been with your dh for 10 yrs why is he just now meeting him? And meeting him for the first time as he is dropping his kids off at your house? That alone probably made dh very uncomfortable. Why hasnt there been dinners where both families get together so they have had a chance to maybe bond? I get the friendship thing totally but if your dh has issues you may want to really have a heart to heart with him before this tears your marriage apart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Well it sounds like you have taken all the right steps in wanting them to have some kind of relationship. If every attempt you try is shot down the i guess your dh will have to pick his battles. Sorry to say it that way but i personally dont feel you have done anything wrong. You've definitely tried!!!!

Quoting Anonymous: My husband has refused to go to every dinner date that we have ever set up. When they had their twins I of course wanted to go see them and he wouldn't come with me there either.he says they have nothing in common which he doesn't know because he doesn't even know him! He actually was picking the kids up when he let him. I've tried countless times to talk to him and make him understand that we are only friends and never have and never will be anything else. We started talking every few months because my hom husband had once said his issue was we talked too frequently which I could understand because it was prob like once a week then so we compromised and we just catch up every few months instead!

Quoting Anonymous: I almost dont know where to go with this one hun, it does sound like ur dh has an issue but im having a hard time i guess understanding why... Im also trying to understand why you and the best friend only talk every 3-4 months. I know you said its out of respect for y'alls spouses but maybe thats the problem. If you have been friends for 20 yrs and been with your dh for 10 yrs why is he just now meeting him? And meeting him for the first time as he is dropping his kids off at your house? That alone probably made dh very uncomfortable. Why hasnt there been dinners where both families get together so they have had a chance to maybe bond? I get the friendship thing totally but if your dh has issues you may want to really have a heart to heart with him before this tears your marriage apart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think I'll ever understand situations like this, friendships coming between couples. 

I'd suggest you figure out who means more, spouse or this friend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:12 PM

if hes insisting nothing is wrong and did not tell you to end the friendship and not babysit, why would you say he has trust issues? Could he really have just been in a bad mood?

Tuned.Out
by Gold Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband... Period.  

 If my husband had told me from the beginning he wasn't comfortable with my friendship. And he had avoided contact with this friend for 10 years. It would be more than clear to me that my husband didn't like and was not comfortable with that friendship. And I would end it.

vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:13 PM

Exactly. 

Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 How good of a friend could he have been if your husband hadn't met him in 10 years??


kmeow
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 11:16 PM
2 moms liked this

Okay, here's my thing. I know I'm going to get a verbal foot in my ass from several of the ladies on here, but that's fine. If you have a friendship that your spouse is uncomfortable with, male or female, it needs to be dropped. Just my opinion. I believe your spouse comes first regardless of how petty/weird you might find his behavior, as much as it sucks. That being said, you could always pull the "you said it was okay when we sstarted dating" card. Just my two cents.

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