Husband or almost grown/adult teens? Which would you choose in this situation?
We just found out "Doug" from next door is moving out.
Doug and "Sue" have been married 10 years. Doug is her second husband. Her first husband bailed. Nothing to do with the kids since the divorce and only paid child support when he wanted to.
Doug has been a semi-decent stepfather. Financially responsible for the kids, went to all of their games or whatever, occasionally would get out and practice with the kids or help with homework, but really left it more up to Sue. All discipline was left up to Sue.
Sue's oldest boy, "Luke", just turned 18. Her other son, "Jack" is 16. Doug and Sue have no children together. Sue was unable to have more after a kick to the stomach from her first husband.
This is what he told DH. Some of it we already knew since we live next door to each other. (DH was outside mowing and saw Doug, said hi, and Doug came over and just started unloading on him.)
This past year to year and a half have been hell with Luke. Blowing off school and getting kicked out at the beginning of second semester of his senior year, getting in trouble for underage drinking twice, one DUI, wanting to do nothing but run around with his friends. Luke has also provoked fights with Doug, telling him he can't tell him what to do, he isn't his real dad AND since Luke is 18 and an adult, Doug can just piss off. He has taken swings at Doug, but Doug had just walked away.
Jack is starting to follow in Luke's footsteps since he sees Luke basically getting away with it.
Last week, once again, Luke snuck out in the middle of the night and took off in Sue's car. They didn't discover it until 6am when Sue went to leave for work and her car was gone. They both called into work and went looking for her car. They found her car at one of Luke's friends house. Sue went to the door and demanded to see Luke. Luke came out and was being a complete asshole. Doug told Luke to stop talking to his mother like that and told Sue to get in her car, Luke could find his own way home, but they were going to have a serious talk when he got home.
Luke charged at Doug, tackled him to the ground. He punched Doug in the jaw. Doug had enough and punched Luke back, threw him off of him, and told him to stay down until he left. Doug left and came home. Sue followed about an hour later, with Luke in the car.
I guess they all had a big blow up and both Luke and Jack said they hated Doug. They wanted him to move out. Doug asked Sue what she wanted and she said she didn't know.
The final straw was last night. Luke came home drunk, and so did Jack. Doug said he couldn't take this anymore, Sue had to do something. Luke got pissed off and hit Doug again. Doug said he wasn't taking this in his own house, hit him back and told him to get out. Jack got involved and both of them beat the hell out of Doug.
Sue finally got them to stop. Doug said he was calling the police. This was out of hand. Sue screamed at him to get out, that he was not putting her sons in jail. Doug said fine, he was leaving in the morning (today) to stay with a friend while they figure things out.
While they were talking, Sue came to my backdoor and told me pretty much the same story, except she is done. She is filing for a divorce from Doug Monday. She said she can't live with a man that would treat her sons like that. She says if he loved her, he would have never thought about putting her sons in jail. She also said they're only going to be home a few more years, if he really loved her, he could have put up with it a few more years.
I honestly didn't know what to say to her. DH came in and she left. We talked and we are in agreement about how we feel about the situation but it made me wonder what others would think about it.
I will edit later as to how we feel after a few replies.
After talking and reading all the replies, it has reinforced our decision. If Sue really does follow through with this, our friendship is over. We will be putting a privacy fence up between the 2 houses. DD and Jack have grown up together. They WERE very good friends have dated on and off for the last year. That is done. DD has no problems with it because Jack has been changing so much the last year. I cannot agree with her enabling this behavior and I do not want it at my house or affecting my family.