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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Teens dating advice

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:47 AM
  • 25 Replies
We all know we can not stop them from dating but I need some advice on how to keep them from having sex. Does anyone have advice to help out to where I won't be crossing a line with my teen. Mind you this is my girl and first teen.
by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
handy0318
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:49 AM

What are her attitudes about sex? 

jcm28
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:52 AM
She is not ready. But of coarse he is and the texting I found was inappropriate for there age

Quoting handy0318:

What are her attitudes about sex? 

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this

First, you cannot STOP them from having sex.

Second, make sure you have an open, respectful relationship (from both sides).  One where they can come to you for anything, and you will answer honestly - be it about sex, or drugs, or whatever.  Don't go for scare tactics - they don't work, and frequently backfire.

If she wants birth control - take her to the doctor and let her get it.  While it may not be what you want, it's better than her being a teen mom.

And most important, let her do things (sports, extracurriculars, political clubs, whatever) that she has a passion for.  Idle hands, and all that stuff.  Make college a priority - those who look forward to going away to college tend to have fewer teen pregnancies.  Point out - early and often - that having a child early will close many doors, some permanently.

lovelife350
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this

just like you can't stop them from dating, you can't stop them from having sex. i would say just prepare her. tell her that it is something special and should only be done with someone you love. also let her know that she can come talk to you without being judged.

DensHag
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:56 AM
I explained to my DD's that life as they knew it would be over if they got knocked up. They were both very involved in sports and school stuff. They both decided on their own to take BC pills but I was glad they were being responsible. Mine were 16 though. They weren't allowed to date one on one until then.
jcm28
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:58 AM
She isn't aloud to but shit happens

Quoting DensHag: I explained to my DD's that life as they knew it would be over if they got knocked up. They were both very involved in sports and school stuff. They both decided on their own to take BC pills but I was glad they were being responsible. Mine were 16 though. They weren't allowed to date one on one until then.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 17, 2014 at 2:00 AM
So why can't we stop them from dating? I mean, what's the issue with that? But to answer your question about how to stop them from making bad choices, honestly, you should've asked this question about 8 years ago. How our kids view relationships and dating and sex has its start in childhood. My kids have known for years that dating is not something we do in our family. By the time my DD was 10, she understood what courting meant and how precious her body is and should never be just given away to just anybody. she also understands why dating at a young age is such a bad idea. These aren't things I was willing to wait till she was 15 to start thinking about. I started shaping her thinking years ago.
handy0318
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 2:00 AM

Well, if he is pressuring her to have sex, and she's not ready, then the best thing is to simply chaperone them. My dd faced the same situation...she really doesn't want to have sex at all at this time of her life, but several of the guys were texting her and trying to pressure her. One she simply kicked to the curb. But one, she genuinely liked him and wanted to do things with him. We responded by chaperoning them at all times. They could be out on the back porch, where we could see them, but they could still talk privately... but they weren't allowed to be alone at all. She had complained about the chaperoning up until that time. At that time, she was glad, because it took all the pressure off of her. She could still see him and do things with him...just not alone. She finally realized that he was more interested in the sex than her and dropped her. However, she also found out that there are a couple of guys that respect her choices and still want to do things with her, take her to movies, etc...and don't mind at all that we're driving or her little brother is going along too.

Quoting jcm28: She is not ready. But of coarse he is and the texting I found was inappropriate for there age
Quoting handy0318:

What are her attitudes about sex? 


handy0318
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 2:07 AM

Another question: What have your conversations about sex been like with her up until now? Does she feel comfortable talking to you about it...does she respect your pov? Does she view you as someone who will give her factual information, even if you add your values about how you would like to see her apply that information?

If you've long established a healthy communication with her about sex and relationships, she'll most likely remain open with you and come to you....mine sure does!

One thing I don't do with my teens, either my dd or my ds is threaten them with the whole "your life will be over if you get pregnant"...all that serves to do is to build up walls and stop open communication. Naturally part of the conversations need to include what would happen if she allows herself to be pressured into sex before she is ready, what would happen if suddenly another human being is created, how would that impact her life...but not in a threatening way...but in the way that causes her to think through the negative side sex.

LovlyRita
by Meter Maid on Jul. 17, 2014 at 2:14 AM
Really focus on how sex should be between two people who care about one another and that any guy who is pressuring her is only after one thing and does not truly care. A guy who really cares will wait until she is ready. Keep reminding her that it is her body and her choice on what she wants to do and how far she wants to go. Then please go over exactly and specifically how babies are made and get her on birth control. I have asked many teen moms on here how it was they became pregnant and how as a mom I could prevent it with my own daughters and every single one said they were ignorant on how babies were conceived.
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