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Paternity help - I don't think my oldest son belongs to my DH after all

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 65 Replies

I know I'll get bashed for this but I really don't know what to do.

When I was in my early 20's I was dating my DH and we hit a rough patch. While we were taking a break, I hooked up 3 times with my coworker. A couple weeks past before I realized my period was late. At the time, I assumed the baby belonged to DH and ended it with my coworker.

Now 10 years later, I've had two more children with DH, a daughter and another son. They look so much alike, more alike than their older brother. I don't think my oldest son looks like his dad. He honestly looks most like me, but I can also see some of my coworkers features in him as well. My son also has a full head of curly hair. No one on my side or DH's side has hair like that.

The coworker's wife is on FB and I think my son and his 8 year old daughter look very similar.

With that all being said, where do I go from here? Spend the rest of my life not knowing? If I get a test done and he's not DH's, should I tell them?

I've shared this with 2 close friends. One says test, the other says leave it alone. I would really appreciate opinions and if anyone has any experience with this. It's killing me inside and I just want to do the right thing.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:46 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this
So you never told DH that you slept with your coworker? I would start with that. Its not going to be easy and I'm sure your very scared . But you owe it to him to tell him .
trish2tew
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:47 PM

I would test just to know.

1 of my kids doesn't really look like DH or I or her full siblings. She looks almost exactly like my mom, and kinda like her youngest 1/2 sister, did at that age. But DH and I both know all 3 are his, because I never cheated.

MissMandaz
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Bump
Missdameanor
by Not-a-felony on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:49 PM
3 moms liked this
Your husband is your oldest sons father....regardless of who doaned the sperm. This is a tough one! How would dh take this kind of news 10 years later?
iamnameless
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:49 PM
Keep it to yourself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:50 PM

 No he doesn't know. We got back together after I told him about the baby. I'm so ashamed of what I did and I know he loves his son.

Quoting Anonymous: So you never told DH that you slept with your coworker? I would start with that. Its not going to be easy and I'm sure your very scared . But you owe it to him to tell him .

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Why ruin their lives? Leave it alone
MamatoKy
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:50 PM

 Test. Get it done and get it over with.

mommy4life15
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:50 PM
That's a hard choice. I would have told DH and coworker from the beginning. Since it's been so long I honestly don't know what you should do. Not only would you uproot your son's life from the only father he has known but you crush your DH for not only lying but his son may not be his. Good luck either way, I don't envy your decision.
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