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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

WWYD? 14 year old wanting to date a 16 year old

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
My 14 year old daughter wants to date this boy who is pretty well 16 (he'll be 16 in a few weeks). He is going into 11th grade, and she is going into 9th grade. They both really like each other, and he apparently asked her out. My initial thought was that she's much too young and that because he's older, he might expect things from the relationship that she can't give him due to her age. However, I talked to my husband, and he said that I'm being unreasonable. He said that it would be fine if it was done group-date style (my daughter and this guy along with my daughter's friend and her boyfriend). He said that they could go to the movies or to a free skate (ice skating) session, but not one-on-one and that she couldn't go to his house or anything like that.

Now I'm not sure. I guess I don't really see the harm in them going out as a group because then it's like a group of friends, but it's the whole titling of boyfriend-girlfriend that gets me because then it's a relationship that has strings attached and we all know that you get hurt if you get too emotionally involved. I'm really torn here, so any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
my.sonshine
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:37 AM
the rule in my house growing up was no dating until 16.. groups were fine. i mean, we always said we had bfs And gfs anyway, but even though at the time i thought it wa unfair as I've grown up it seems reasonable to me now. mommy's typically know best! always get to know the guy yourself 😉
brouillette
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:42 AM
I understand your concerns, but I think that your husband's compromise of letting them go out in a group as opposed to one-on-one is a great idea and that you should let her do that. Good luck! Here, our rule will be group dates at 14, one-on-one dates at 16. My girls are currently 2 and 1.
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe start off by letting him come to your house and they can hang out in the family room with family in and out with them. If he seems like a good kid, then they can go out in a group sometimes. I wouldn't let it be just a double date because couples easily couple up and separate. A larger group would probably more appropriate starting out.

catngabsmom
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:47 AM
Invite him over, be clear that group dating is fine for now, and see where the relationship goes. Don't set an arbitrary age limit on things yet, the maturity and trust they may place could surprise you, or if you begin to see signs that the relationship won't work, or it is too much for your dd to handle, then you have the flexibility to put limits in. I have seen 14yo kids that are far more mature than 30yo adults, but I would give your dd a little wiggle room to see where she is at before closing the barn door, otherwise the forbidden fruit looks far too appealing!
pasteeater_too
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:47 AM
1 mom liked this

Wouldn't happen at my house.  No dating until 16.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:51 AM

When my girls were that age I basically did what your husband suggested which is group outings are fine but no actual dating till 16.

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:52 AM

504bbymami
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:53 AM
When I was 14 my boyfriend was 16. My first love lol
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ElenaC08
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:56 AM
No, 14 is way to young to be worrying about boys and group dates. You and dh can take her out spend time with her.
MixedCooke
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:07 AM
Chaperoned or in a group setting.
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