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What is your goal as a parent?

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besides day to day stuff - what is the ultimate goal of your parenting?

Is it not to see your child mature and become an adult with enough educations, experience and knowledge to make healthy decisions for themselves?

Isn't that why you have your child for 18 years of their life?

Is your 18 year old unprepared for being an adult? Why? 

by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:02 AM
Replies (81-85):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 5:39 PM
I didn't say child, I said adolescent or kid.

I am educated, especially on this subject. You keep saying the same thing over and over again. Again. I NEVER said that people couldn't make good decisions under age 25.

My kids are 19, 24 and 26. They aren't treated as children. They don't live with us and haven't since they started college. Though I do talk to them a few times a week. I just didn't wash my hands of them the day they turned 18. They still need our guidance, especially the youngest. They are figuring out who they are and what they want to do. I didn't expect them to have all the answers right away. If they need help, I'm there. If you call that treating them like children, then so be it.

Quoting Foolynroo2:

It doesn't No where does it say that in the middle of the third decade of life you are still a CHILD.

Shame that you think yourself educated - and claim that it does. 

And - my life as I know it - doesn't agree with it either since myself and many other people were able to make very good decisions and ARE and WERE adults prior to age 25.

But I hope your children do have or will enjoy being treated as a child unti they are a quarter of a century old.

Have fun with that.

Quoting Anonymous: How does the article not come to that conclusion? The article is about how policy doesn't agree with the science available. The conclusion is that the science is ahead of the policies and that policies are usually reactive instead of proactive. That's all it concludes. It cites articles and studies that have proven it. I assume you don't have subscriptions to journals so you can't view them unless you want to pay for it, but if you look at the references they are there and cited within the article itself.


There is plenty of research on this and the science is clear that the frontal lobe is the last part of the brain to mature and it doesn't reach full maturation until about age 25. Believe what you want though, its obvious you don't care much about being educated on this subject.


Quoting Foolynroo2:

I simply don't agree. 

Nor does the article come to this conclusion.

Its your opinions, thanks for sharing.

Quoting Anonymous: If your brain isn't functioning as an adult's brain, then you are just an older adolescent or young adult. Your ability to control your impulses is impaired, nor can you fully implement or carry out a plan to meet a goal, the same way you can as an adult. That does not mean you are incapable of making good choices or even living as a functioning adult, just that it's harder to do so as someone with a fully mature brain.

Yes it says may, as the research is still in the early stages. There is a lot we don't know or understand about brain development.

I work directly with people in that 18-25 age range and its amazing how much growth they go through and how you can see through their actions that they lack full maturity in that part of the brain. Why do you think that data on car accidents, child rearing, finances, sexual relationships, and marriage and divorce all point to people under 25 generally having poor decision making skills?

Yes, people mature at different rates, that's why mid twenties is an average age. It's not hard and fast that at 24 years and 364 days, you are immature and 25 years you are mature. Clearly, its based on am individual and their own maturity rate.

Quoting Foolynroo2:

So this is what you said - that people 18-25 are not adults. They are kids.

So where in the article - (and I did read the 25 reference thank you)

does it state or imply that you are not an adult until you are - half way through the third decade of your life.

It simply states that parts of their brain MAY not be fully developed until then.

Doesn't mean you aren't an adult - or capable or that those parts ARENT fully mature.

some of mature sooner than others for one thing - second those parts not being "fully mature" does not negate the ability to be an adult.

Quoting Anonymous: I think it's one thing for them to be prepared for life, knowing how to do basic things like dishes and laundry by 18, and another thing to recognize that 18 year olds aren't adults, they are still just kids. All the way up to 25 they are just kids who are going to make bad decisions thinking they are good decisions.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 6:23 PM

I don't do lectures.  The word "No" works wonders.  I do not believe that toddlers should have adult behavior.  I do expect that as children get older, more is expected out of them.  

Quoting Anonymous: Interesting approach. I take it you are the type of person who expects adult like behavior out of a toddler. The fact they can't sit still for hours listening quietly to a lecture is a result of poor parenting?
Quoting Anonymous:

Science doesn't raise my children-I do.  I hold them accountable.  I do not excuse their actions because of their age.  They will be ready to be on their own when they are 18.  

Quoting Anonymous: I'm not making excuses for my children or anyone's children. Apparently understanding science is uncommon on here. I don't know why I'm surprised, as I should expect that science and logic are thrown around as simply excuses on here.
Quoting Anonymous:

This is a good example of parents making excuses for their children.  If a person makes a bad decision, it is on the person who made the decision-NOT their parents.  My children understand  consequences.  Does not matter their age.  No matter what they do, it impacts their future.

Quoting Anonymous: One source I cited in a paper was from the Journal of Adolescent Health, September 2009. I never said you were in incapable of being an adult or making decisions for yourself. I said that the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid twenties and that we are going to make some bad decisions as a result of it, that's all. When you make bad decisions after 25, or sometime in our mid twenties when our brains are fully developed, it's all on you, as you have all the capabilities you will ever have. Before full maturity, it may be a result of your immature brain.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:26 PM
Lol, I meant college class.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't do lectures.  The word "No" works wonders.  I do not believe that toddlers should have adult behavior.  I do expect that as children get older, more is expected out of them.  

Quoting Anonymous: Interesting approach. I take it you are the type of person who expects adult like behavior out of a toddler. The fact they can't sit still for hours listening quietly to a lecture is a result of poor parenting?

Quoting Anonymous:

Science doesn't raise my children-I do.  I hold them accountable.  I do not excuse their actions because of their age.  They will be ready to be on their own when they are 18.  

Quoting Anonymous: I'm not making excuses for my children or anyone's children. Apparently understanding science is uncommon on here. I don't know why I'm surprised, as I should expect that science and logic are thrown around as simply excuses on here.



Quoting Anonymous:

This is a good example of parents making excuses for their children.  If a person makes a bad decision, it is on the person who made the decision-NOT their parents.  My children understand  consequences.  Does not matter their age.  No matter what they do, it impacts their future.

Quoting Anonymous: One source I cited in a paper was from the Journal of Adolescent Health, September 2009.

I never said you were in incapable of being an adult or making decisions for yourself. I said that the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid twenties and that we are going to make some bad decisions as a result of it, that's all.

When you make bad decisions after 25, or sometime in our mid twenties when our brains are fully developed, it's all on you, as you have all the capabilities you will ever have. Before full maturity, it may be a result of your immature brain.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:14 PM

Ok...you are talking about college students.  I thought you were talking about toddlers.  Age-appropriate behavior, my dear.  I don't expect a toddler to act like an adult just like I don't expect an 18 year old to act like a toddler.  18 year olds are adults.  They can vote, buy cigarettes, buy lottery tickets, go into the military, and die for our country.  They don't need mommy and daddy holding their hands while crossing the road, or whatever.

So you raise your children to still ask your permission until they are 25, and I will raise mine to know that they are an adult once they turn 18 and to plan accordingly.

Quoting Anonymous: Lol, I meant college class.
Quoting Anonymous:

I don't do lectures.  The word "No" works wonders.  I do not believe that toddlers should have adult behavior.  I do expect that as children get older, more is expected out of them.  

Quoting Anonymous: Interesting approach. I take it you are the type of person who expects adult like behavior out of a toddler. The fact they can't sit still for hours listening quietly to a lecture is a result of poor parenting?
Quoting Anonymous:

Science doesn't raise my children-I do.  I hold them accountable.  I do not excuse their actions because of their age.  They will be ready to be on their own when they are 18.  

Quoting Anonymous: I'm not making excuses for my children or anyone's children. Apparently understanding science is uncommon on here. I don't know why I'm surprised, as I should expect that science and logic are thrown around as simply excuses on here.
Quoting Anonymous:

This is a good example of parents making excuses for their children.  If a person makes a bad decision, it is on the person who made the decision-NOT their parents.  My children understand  consequences.  Does not matter their age.  No matter what they do, it impacts their future.

Quoting Anonymous: One source I cited in a paper was from the Journal of Adolescent Health, September 2009. I never said you were in incapable of being an adult or making decisions for yourself. I said that the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid twenties and that we are going to make some bad decisions as a result of it, that's all. When you make bad decisions after 25, or sometime in our mid twenties when our brains are fully developed, it's all on you, as you have all the capabilities you will ever have. Before full maturity, it may be a result of your immature brain.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 7:48 AM
Lol, my kids are 19, 24, and 26. None of them live with me, and haven't since they went to college. One has a Masters degree, one had a bachelor's, and one is still undecided in her major. I don't treat them like children. I just didn't send them into the world at 18 and be done with them. They needed my guidance, as they figured out who they were and what they wanted. It doesn't mean I treat them like they are 2, or even 17, it means that I understand they aren't completely finished growing up. Their frontal lobes are still maturing.

I was talking about a toddler being able to behave on a college lecture. That's ridiculous right? They can't possibly understand or be able to sit still and quietly that long can they? Why? Because their development isn't there yet.

See, if you expect age appropriate behavior for a toddler, based on their cognitive development, why in the world do you ignore the fact that their development hasn't finished on that magical 18th birthday? Did you know the legal age used to be younger? Do you believe that at 15, people are mature enough to be considered legal adults?

Quoting Anonymous:

Ok...you are talking about college students.  I thought you were talking about toddlers.  Age-appropriate behavior, my dear.  I don't expect a toddler to act like an adult just like I don't expect an 18 year old to act like a toddler.  18 year olds are adults.  They can vote, buy cigarettes, buy lottery tickets, go into the military, and die for our country.  They don't need mommy and daddy holding their hands while crossing the road, or whatever.

So you raise your children to still ask your permission until they are 25, and I will raise mine to know that they are an adult once they turn 18 and to plan accordingly.

Quoting Anonymous: Lol, I meant college class.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't do lectures.  The word "No" works wonders.  I do not believe that toddlers should have adult behavior.  I do expect that as children get older, more is expected out of them.  

Quoting Anonymous: Interesting approach. I take it you are the type of person who expects adult like behavior out of a toddler. The fact they can't sit still for hours listening quietly to a lecture is a result of poor parenting?

Quoting Anonymous:

Science doesn't raise my children-I do.  I hold them accountable.  I do not excuse their actions because of their age.  They will be ready to be on their own when they are 18.  

Quoting Anonymous: I'm not making excuses for my children or anyone's children. Apparently understanding science is uncommon on here. I don't know why I'm surprised, as I should expect that science and logic are thrown around as simply excuses on here.



Quoting Anonymous:

This is a good example of parents making excuses for their children.  If a person makes a bad decision, it is on the person who made the decision-NOT their parents.  My children understand  consequences.  Does not matter their age.  No matter what they do, it impacts their future.

Quoting Anonymous: One source I cited in a paper was from the Journal of Adolescent Health, September 2009.

I never said you were in incapable of being an adult or making decisions for yourself. I said that the human brain isn't fully developed until our mid twenties and that we are going to make some bad decisions as a result of it, that's all.

When you make bad decisions after 25, or sometime in our mid twenties when our brains are fully developed, it's all on you, as you have all the capabilities you will ever have. Before full maturity, it may be a result of your immature brain.

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