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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

when it turns violent

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
And you leave.

How long until you stopped loving him.

My stupid heart.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:01 AM
Replies (11-16):
housecoatloonie
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:44 PM

The thing is.....EVERYONE feels stress.

Everyone deals with unemployment, not having money, wrecking cars, babies can be little needy jerks, people get sick, people get REAL sick..........

And not everyone turns to violence or verbal abuse or throwing objects or hurting people to work through it.

You HAVE to stay strong.

You know that if you go back, it will be proof to him that you can take it and you're enabling his behavior.

And I promise you, the violence WILL get bigger. It always does.

"Oh, she put up with THAT? Nice. Now she'll put up with THIS."

The ONLY way you can help HIM right now is by staying away.

He has to know what he did was wrong.

He needs to be held accountable for his actions.

Violence does not deserve forgiveness. Only forgive him if it's to help yourself.

Do not call him.

If you want to call him, you call someone ELSE.

Call someone else who will listen to why you want to call him.

He's a grown ass man: try not to worry about him. He CAN take care of himself.

He can.


Quoting Anonymous: Thanks. It's still new. I wish he hadn't done this. I just don't understand why, he seemed to authentically love me, until the stress came. Unemployment, the car was totaled, babies, health issues with me.
Quoting housecoatloonie:

Worrying about him has been your life.

You worry because you are probably, like me, a fixer. A helper, a smooth-it-over gal.

IandLoveandYou
by Penny Lane on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:48 PM
I understand that, but he's fine.

Quoting Anonymous: I'm fighting the urge to call him. To just go over there and make sure he's okay.

Quoting IandLoveandYou: It took me about 6 weeks to get over the urge to call him or turn to him for comfort.

I think I only caved 2 times or so in the first couple weeks, then I exercised more restraint.

One thing you need to do is remind yourself that no matter how nice he's being now, no matter how much he "needs" you to be there for him.. if you go back he is going to go right back to being his horrible self and when he broke you down to your darkest moments he was not there for you.

I would seek therapy to help you heal. The stronger you get and the more you build your self-esteem, the more you'll see why you deserve better and staying away will be easy.
shell3m
by Shell on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:49 PM
It happens slowly....you morn...you get mad...you cry some more but day by you rediscover who YOU are....what You like in life. You slowly live again. It took me a good solid month before i was truly ok again. After that i was happy and loved life again and stopped wishing things were different. Stay strong hun....and keep moving forward in your life. ((hugs))
shell3m
by Shell on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:50 PM
**Oops....i meant mourn....not morn..lol! Stupid phone....
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:52 PM
That's what his dad said. Stress isn't an excuse. It's just so weird, until we started the arguments, he would go so above and beyond. Line no one has ever done for me. It feels so sickening that it turned into this.

Quoting housecoatloonie:

The thing is.....EVERYONE feels stress.

Everyone deals with unemployment, not having money, wrecking cars, babies can be little needy jerks, people get sick, people get REAL sick..........

And not everyone turns to violence or verbal abuse or throwing objects or hurting people to work through it.

You HAVE to stay strong.

You know that if you go back, it will be proof to him that you can take it and you're enabling his behavior.

And I promise you, the violence WILL get bigger. It always does.

"Oh, she put up with THAT? Nice. Now she'll put up with THIS."

The ONLY way you can help HIM right now is by staying away.

He has to know what he did was wrong.

He needs to be held accountable for his actions.

Violence does not deserve forgiveness. Only forgive him if it's to help yourself.

Do not call him.

If you want to call him, you call someone ELSE.

Call someone else who will listen to why you want to call him.

He's a grown ass man: try not to worry about him. He CAN take care of himself.

He can.

Quoting Anonymous: Thanks. It's still new. I wish he hadn't done this. I just don't understand why, he seemed to authentically love me, until the stress came. Unemployment, the car was totaled, babies, health issues with me.

Quoting housecoatloonie:

Worrying about him has been your life.

You worry because you are probably, like me, a fixer. A helper, a smooth-it-over gal.

MyHeartDA
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:01 PM

Allow yourself time to go through the grieving process.  you will get your confidence back at some point and leaving him is the best decision I know hard but I felt like being mad/angry was easier than being sad, so get some therapy and spend time with your kids that are now safe and they have to learn that they no longer have to worry or be nervous its going to take time but pamper them they really need you to stay strong and you will get stronger and stronger, but its not goin to happen overnight, try to find a domestic violence group so you can talk about it with others who have gone through it..  You are strong and safe now.  Calm down and take care of yourself and your kids like I said they really need to see you are strong and going to keep a nice peaceful household.  It's over everything is going to be ok

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