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Disowning a parent for cheating on the other parent...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 53 Replies
This is a sad situation in my family right now :(

My bil cheated on my sister when their boys were 12 and 10. He left her, refused child support and generally caused them to be homeless for a few months. We helped all we could, but they were very poor for years. The boys wouldn't see their dad even when they got back on their feet. Their dad didn't really ask to see them either.

Now, they're 25 and 23. My ex bil is dying. He has terminal cancer. My sister has visited him, forgiven him after he cried and apologized. He's begged to see the boys, but they don't care, want nothing to do with him and say they don't care if he dies, he's been dead to them for years and is a piece of shit for leaving them.

My sister has pleaded with them to go, pleaded with them to go to counselling, because she thinks they'll regret it one day. I tend to agree, but they refuse and won't talk about it. Does anyone have any advice for her? If you were me, would you try talking to them?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:25 PM

I've got nothing. Good luck. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this
No. I wouldn't even plead with them like she already has. I would just tell them he's dying and would like to see them and leave it up to them.

They owe him nothing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:26 PM
Her sons are grown and she needs to stop trying to get them to come around. He damaged his kids and he's paying for it. I wouldn't make my son see his dad on his death bed either. My sons dad is an alcoholic and a shitty dad who abandoned my son. Your sister needs to drop the subject with her sons, to put it kindly.
228mommy922
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Doesn't sound like cheating was the issue. It's sounds like how he handled it afterwards is.

They are adults. No one can or should force them. People are different. For some they would need to see there dad for themselves. Some it would cause more damage. Personally I don't feel they owe the dad anything.
jjames0991
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Can't force them and more then likely they won't regret not seeing him.
lilmama31709
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this
They didn't disown him for cheating. He walked out in his family. I have the same stance on this matter. Walk out on me, go ahead but don't so much as glance backwards when you do.
Closet_Case
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:30 PM
They made the choice... There's not really much that she can do now
R00k
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:30 PM
I think they have a good point & no, I would not try to talk them out of it.
SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:31 PM
They are adults now to know if they are willing to see their dad

You cant blame them
Nor make them
xtwistedxlovex
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:31 PM

They didn't disown him for cheating on their mother; they did it because he abandoned them. He spent years not caring about them, whether they were fed or sheltered or safe, and now that he has chosen to care he cannot simply expect them to come.

Maybe they will regret it, but I don't think a few minutes' apologies will make up for 13 years of abandonment anyway. She should not push the issue, or she will only alienate them from herself.

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