Who do you REALLY think pays the price when you teach the children their parents and discipline don't matter?
There is a BIG difference between spoiling a kid by giving them treats, taking them fun places, staying up a bit past bedtime, and showering them with love...Versus telling them they don't have to do chores and never should, your Mom's crazy for not letting you do whatever you want whenever you want, if Mommy tries to enforce rules you call me, OK?
I let my 6 year old DS stay with his Grandma (DH's Mom) for a month this summer because I felt he was old enough and I know it's been hard on her since her Dad died. DS is her first grandchild and has been the light of her life since before he was born.
What I got back is a hell spawn and I can't see anything of the sweet boy I let leave left in his eyes. He's got the attitude of a 16 year old. He decided to fill my dishwasher with the wrong soap because I asked him to load (pre-rinsed and sorted) dishes into the dishwasher while I folded laundry in the room right next to him. (Even though I was right there, I didn't see the soap incident until it was too late.) I didn't even ask him to turn it on, just load for me while I He's deliberately breaking things because he's "mad at me and misses Grandma." He says things like "I wish little brother was never born so I could be spoiled" and is overall just a cruel, mean, awful child.
Tough luck, boy. He now has NO toys because he wouldn't clean them up. He has 2 outfits, both plain shirts and denim shorts, because he refused to clean his room. And no, I absolutely will NOT let him call his Grandma right now. He has to earn back privelleges one by one, and calling Grandma is going to have to wait until DH and I have a serious talk with her to assess this and see if she will help bring him back around or thwart our efforts.