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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Bedtime issue...can anyone help us think of a compromise? Going nuts!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 95 Replies
I have two kids. One is a girl who is 17, and one is a boy who is 6. We recently hit financial hard times and had to move into a one bedroom apartment. Her and my son have the bedroom, me and my husband take the living room pull out couch.

My son goes to bed at 8. Any later and he's a cranky zombie the next day. Unfortunately, he's also a very very light sleeper and my dd coming in any later will wake him up, as will her being in there with any kind of light on. Once he's up he's absolutely impossible to get back to sleep.

This has caused a major fight recently. Dd thinks it's ridiculous she would have to go to bed at 8, so she's spent all weekend at her friend's house which I'm not okay with because she's only 17 and didn't come home when I asked her to. When she got home, we had a huge fight and she said she wants to go live with her bio dad, and she's already asked him and he said yes. I told her no way, as he's an awful parent (never home, no supervision, his other kids are wrecks because it's anything goes) and she basically said I had no say, she'll be gone some time this week when I'm at work.

I'm at a complete loss. Does anyone have any advice about what we can do? I don't want her to go and f*ck up her life, but I can see too why she doesn't like this arrangement.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyBugMom09
by Platinum Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:46 PM
5 moms liked this
Your son is 6. He needs to know how to go back to.sleep on his own by now. I would start there. He's not a baby anymore.

But in reality, she's almost an adult.
xBulletproofx
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Hmm.. my advice probably isn't helpful. I say (devil's advocate) let her go live with her daddy. It's her life to fuck up. We all make mistakes and learn from them. You can't make those life decisions for her. If you said no, she'd be gone and hate you in a year anyway. Might as well let her go on decent terms. If you can't give her a lil' freedom and DEFINITELY privacy... I honestly think it's best. It sounds so anyway.. My OTHER side of advice, if you hate my first advice, is let the boy go. The teen goes to bed whenever she wants. If the kid wakes up oh well. He's a big boy enough to lay in his bed quietly until he can fall back asleep. If not just everyone ignore him and continue turning off lights..etc... Good luck!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:50 PM
4 moms liked this
Sounds like you don't have room for her anyway and she is almost an adult. Let her go and you might at least get her back. If you try to control this you may lose her and she wont run to you when she needs you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:51 PM


Quoting LadyBugMom09: Your son is 8. He needs to know how to go back to.sleep on his own by now. I would start there. He's not a baby anymore. But in reality, she's almost an adult.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like you aren't able to afford to house her now. Why not let her go to her dads . he is her parent and she is almost an adult you can't shelter her forever. I agree with her 17 sharing one bedroom with mom and brother is weird, I would leave too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:57 PM
He's truly not a good parent. His other kids have good grades and are in college but he's been letting them drink and party since they were 15. I couldn't prove it in court, but I know it, and I'm not okay with her going into an environment like that.

I can afford to feed, clothe and guide her right now. Our housing isn't great, but we're not homeless where being in a house with no rules is the better option.

Quoting Anonymous: It sounds like you aren't able to afford to house her now. Why not let her go to her dads . he is her parent and she is almost an adult you can't shelter her forever. I agree with her 17 sharing one bedroom with mom and brother is weird, I would leave too.
mommy2adandykid
by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:59 PM
2 moms liked this

honestly, if  you are currently having such major problems that you had to move to a one bedroom apartment and have your almost adult child share a room with an 8 year old, you have much bigger problems than your dd wanting to go to her biodads where clearly she'll have more stability. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this
She is old enough to make that choice for herself. You are gonna damage your relationship with her. Your housing situation could be enough for her to have CP's called. Font they require a bed per child? Come on be reasonable 8:00 bedtime at 17 and sharing a room with her brother ... You really think that's better parenting ? She should be learning independence right now. Can you afford the court cost when they take you to court for her to live with him? Because they will win.

Quoting Anonymous: He's truly not a good parent. His other kids have good grades and are in college but he's been letting them drink and party since they were 15. I couldn't prove it in court, but I know it, and I'm not okay with her going into an environment like that.

I can afford to feed, clothe and guide her right now. Our housing isn't great, but we're not homeless where being in a house with no rules is the better option.

Quoting Anonymous: It sounds like you aren't able to afford to house her now. Why not let her go to her dads . he is her parent and she is almost an adult you can't shelter her forever. I agree with her 17 sharing one bedroom with mom and brother is weird, I would leave too.
ranchmama21
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:09 PM

If she leaves, well let her go

In mean time, you and DD share the bedroom and your son and husband share the living room. Your son has to learn to adjust to noise etc. If he wont back to sleep, that is his consequence when he is very cranky and tired.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:10 PM
I would say let her go she's 17 almost an young adult trust that you have rised her right this far. I know your worried and will miss her but a 17 year old girl and 8 year old boy shouldn't be sharing a room at all. I don't know if you believe in God or not but if you do put it in his hands and pray over her. Trust you did good at teaching her right from wrong that way even if she goes she'll come around rather than just staying gone. Praying for you at this hard time.
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