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***UPDATE***I expect my wife to have dinner ready when I get home

Posted by Anonymous
  • 223 Replies
When we married my wife said she wanted to be a SAHM. I agreed because I wanted to make her happy. I admit I thought that included she'd be taking care of the home. I get home, there's no food ready or it's microwave stuff (she knows how to cook). House isn't picked up, laundry isn't done, etc.

I've tried talking to her, but she gets upset and says that's why she married a woman and not a man, so she wouldn't have to be a slave.

She gets her hair done, her nails done, goes shopping....

Am I being unreasonable???

UPDATE -- Thank you all for your comments. Last night I talked to my wife. I got home, cleaned the kitchen and made dinner. After dinner I picked up,.she put our son to bed and after I told her I needed to talk.

I told her I was sorry for not talking with her beforehand about what I assumed life would be like with her staying at home. I told her that I want her to be happy, but that I'm also tired and need some help. I understand that I can't force her to cook or clean, but that I couldn't continue doing it all either. I asked her if she would be willing to do some of the chores.

She admitted that she didn't like anything domestic other than being a mom. She really wasn't willing to change anything.

So, I told her that was fine. I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but I'm not willing to do it either. I told her I would be hiring a housekeeper to come in 3-4 days a week, but that meant she couldn't keep getting her nails done or go shopping because that money in the budget would go to the housekeeper.

She got really mad. She said I was using my money to force her into a subservient role in our marriage and that I lied to her, etc.

I'm feeling very down today. Don't know what to do. I love her. I'm trying to convince myself that I can keep going the way things are, but I'm not sure I can. I'd like to talk with my mom about it, but I know that's not the wisest thing.

Any opinions are appreciated. Thanks.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:07 AM
2 moms liked this
Oh dear...
by Go HAWKS!!!! on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:07 AM
4 moms liked this

No, not with wanting the house cleaned and laundry a SAHM and there are some days you just can't avoid having a quick meal instead of a nice home cooked meal. But, in my opinion, all that you are asking to be done comes with the territory of being a SAHM.

by Ruby Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:08 AM
No. There are days when things don't get done. It happens and that's ok. But imo it shouldn't be a regular occurrence
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:08 AM
8 moms liked this

I stay at home, my husband works. The home is my job. I have dinner ready, things picked up. I do not think you are being unreasonable. Home is a job, too, if that is what you choose to do.

by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:10 AM

If she has time to do her hair, nails, etc., then she should have time to do her "job" at home.

I know there will definitely be days once I'm a SAH that things won't get done.  That will not because I'm pampering myself but because I'll have 2 under 2 and will want to have them out and engaged in different social activities and learning things. 

by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:10 AM
If theres something that im not able to cook like home made pancakes my husband will come home and cook it. But all the other foods i cook but my husband will make up the meatloaf so i dont have to touch it. I do the laundry cleaning etc. If theres something on the weekend that needs to be done we both get up eat breakfast and start cleaning.

Tell her that you dont want to come home every single day to do it your self. Sahm usually do all the stuff when there partner is working.

Good luck and try to sit down and talk it out with her.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:11 AM
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When you agreed to her being a SAHM, did you also express what your thoughts on the matter were?  Meaning, ya sure you can stay home if that makes you happy, however I have the following I expect to be done.... 

I guess at this point, it seems you both agreed on SAHM portion of it, but had very different expectations of what that entailed.  Talk it through with her, it doesn't matter whether I, or anyone else on this board, thinks you are reasonable or unreasonable, if you two can't agree it won't work.  

by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:11 AM
2 moms liked this
What do you do to help out? How many kids do you have and what does she do all day? Maybe sit down with her and discuss it, and come to a compromise.

I am a SAHM, and I do feel that the majority of the housework is my responsibility, however I am not a maid, lol. DH lives here to and helps out when he needs to. I try to have dinner ready when he gets home(most nights he gets home later so dinner is ready), but some days just get busy and we do take out or quick meals.
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:12 AM
Wtf she do all day? If she's able to get her hair done, etc...she must not have little ones at home. Then theirs no need for her to be a sahm. She needs to do something like school or job if theirs nothing holding her back.
by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:12 AM
2 moms liked this
50/50 is what it should be
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