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Am I wrong for feeling under appreciated?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:49 AM
  • 42 Replies

 I'm a sahm right now. I quit my pt job in May because I was only making enough to pay the sitter. I took the job in the first place to give it a chance (I was a baker). DH works full time and often overtime. In the heat.  We have 2 kids. DS is 6 and DD is 2. Both are very destructive at home. We bought a single wide mobile home 2 years ago assuming ds was our only child. So as you can imagine, it is a small space with the 4 of us. Since I am home the most, I do most of the cleaning. I'm not complaining about that; I mean someone has to do it. Plus DH cooks dinner. But he rarely helps me clean. I have loads upon loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away, stuff is all over the floor and DD and DS destroy their bedroom every day. I know DH is tired when he gets home but I am exhausted at the end of the day...from being a mom and picking up the house throughout the day. DH was mad at me for getting on to him last night. I actually threw a temper tantrum and said ok fuck it and threw everything that needed to be put away, on the floor with everything else. DH stormed out. When he came back in he went straght to bed without talking to me. I sat around this awful mess in the living room. And I was the one who had to clean it up. I didnt want my children to wake up to that mess. I am just so fed up and overwhelmed. I can see the replies now> "Welcome to parenthood" "Put on your big girl panties" "suck it up" lol well I hear ya!! Just needed to vent. I wish autumn weather was here already

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Owl_Feather
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:59 AM

 bump

KRhyMama2013
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Sorry you are overwhelmed, when I became a stay at home mom, we lost our bigger paycheck.  My s/o has 2 jobs, one during the week, and one on the weekends.  I make sure everything but the outside chores are done, and he, of course, takes care of the outside.  That is the compromise we came to, but we only have one child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:02 PM
4 moms liked this
Being a mom in general is a pretty thankless job, add to that being a sahm where most of your hard work goes overlooked & underappreciated and it's easy to see why your frustrated. But it's part of the territory. Your kids & husband are going to make a mess & you'll be the one to clean it up, often with no thank you. We've all had days like that. Hopefully today goes better for you!
notjstasocermom
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:02 PM
Well you are home so you should be the one to clean it.
Owl_Feather
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:03 PM

 DH does weekend side work also. I leave the outside for him too. But he doesnt even do that. He allows the grass to grow and grow. We have lawnmowers that need to get fixed. He usually just borrows a mower from a neighbor or his bossman. I feel like a broken record asking him to mow the lawn and it annoys him. But for goodness sake! There are poisonous snakes around here, long grass attracts unwanted bugs and it isnt fun playing or walking in hard long grass. He got pissed when I offered my neighbor $10 to mow the lawn.

Quoting KRhyMama2013:

Sorry you are overwhelmed, when I became a stay at home mom, we lost our bigger paycheck.  My s/o has 2 jobs, one during the week, and one on the weekends.  I make sure everything but the outside chores are done, and he, of course, takes care of the outside.  That is the compromise we came to, but we only have one child.

 

km1970
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:03 PM
2 moms liked this

When living in a small space, sometimes the problem isn't the space, but there is way too much stuff. Maybe consider going through each space and getting rid of some of the clutter. I know when my kids were younger, I went through all of their toys and things that were broken, missing parts, or not played with I got rid of. I took the remaining toys and bought a couple of totes. I would put 4-6 toys in each tote. I would then rotate their toys, only allowing those toys out. I didn't use toy boxes because it caused more of a mess than anything. I kept their toys on a shelf or in a corner.

In the kids' bedroom, clear out the clutter. Make it organized so it's easier for kids to clean it.

As far as the laundry and other household chores, maybe it's time to have your kids help with chores. Designate some chores which are reasonable for their ages. Set aside a time when it's chore time. It may take some time to get into a routine, but just be consistent. Let them have some ownership in keeping the house clean. 

Good luck to you...sometimes the trivial aspects of being a parent can get so overwhelming.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:04 PM
2 moms liked this

 Alright well you need to get your children under control. They should not be allowed to tear up your home. As for the rest your DH is already cooking dinner, and that is a huge help. You can't keep up on 4 peoples laundry? Why not?You have all day, you can get things done.

KRhyMama2013
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:06 PM

We have found our balance, he knows that the house may not be spotless but I will get to it, and I know that sometimes he may need a gentle reminder, but he does not forget on purpose.  We both have a lot to do each day.  

You guys just need to find your balance.  If you have to pay someone to do the lawn, and him help by folding a load of laundry since he is not doing outdoor work.

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 DH does weekend side work also. I leave the outside for him too. But he doesnt even do that. He allows the grass to grow and grow. We have lawnmowers that need to get fixed. He usually just borrows a mower from a neighbor or his bossman. I feel like a broken record asking him to mow the lawn and it annoys him. But for goodness sake! There are poisonous snakes around here, long grass attracts unwanted bugs and it isnt fun playing or walking in hard long grass. He got pissed when I offered my neighbor $10 to mow the lawn.

Quoting KRhyMama2013:

Sorry you are overwhelmed, when I became a stay at home mom, we lost our bigger paycheck.  My s/o has 2 jobs, one during the week, and one on the weekends.  I make sure everything but the outside chores are done, and he, of course, takes care of the outside.  That is the compromise we came to, but we only have one child.

 


othersideM
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I feel your pain. How organized are you? Do You Have a cleaning system in place? Organize your job because IT IS. You get off time too mommy! Or you will burn out. Also start getting your KIDS to help. Especially your 6 yr. Old there is no reason they cannot pick up their own stuff. Your 2 year old probably would help too! Make it a game. You have to look at yourself like this :YOU are the family manager. Okay? Delegate to the kids what they can reasonably handle. You must teach them this stuff now. That is your job. Too many parents act like their kids aren't capable of helping. Bologna. Do they take naps still? If not you can do quiet time. Get rid of clutter too. That will help you through out the day. Get your life into a routine. I promise it helps. I'm just getting out of the sane rut.
mommytoeandb
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this

You sound overwhelmed.  As a SAHM, I fully expected to do the majority of the cleaning.  If I got everything done during the day, we had more time for family time.  I think it is great that he is cooking dinner.  Your 6 yo is old enough to help you pick up.  

Do you think you might be depressed?  Resent that he gets breaks while at work?  Do you get out of the house often?  

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