Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I doing a disservice...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies
To my child by not making her doing anything? I'm a SAHM to my 4 year old daughter and I do everything having to do with the home, laundry, cleaning, cooking, everything as I feel it is my job. I don't make DD pick up her toys, clothes, clean her room or play room. DH thinks I am spoiling her and she will not learn to do anything for herself. Mind you DH does not have to lift a finger once he is home from work, he will but doesn't have to as everything is usually already done. With that said if I tell her to pick up and clean her room she will, without any fuss, she does as she is told and then goes about her business. But it isn't very often that I make her do these things. She does do things on her own like takes her dishes to the kitchen after she is finished eating, excuses herself, dresses herself, brushes teeth in the morning/night without me telling her to and so on.

Do you think I am hurting her in the long run by not always making her pick up after herself?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:46 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mlg1989
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it does a tiny bit.
I think it's good for children to learn that everyone has to pitch in to help.
Giving her a small responsibility won't kill her and it's good to learn she's expected to do things in life.
Having her clean her toys that SHE plays with isn't a big responsibility and perfect for her age.
My opinion anyway... if you don't feel like she should lift a finger then you go ahead and run your house that way. Whatever works I guess.
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:54 PM

yes you are

we taught DS from the time he could walk that he had to pick up any toys he had out before he got out another set

Willowheartsong
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Kids whose parents do everything or close to everything turn into lazy adults who have be told what to do. Give your child a chore or two. It won't hurt her any.
crysiann
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:56 PM
Yes, I think you are. It's your job as her parent to teach her how to be independent, and it's important for children to see how much work it takes to keep things in order. Do you still want to clean up after her when she is 16?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:57 PM

IMO, yes you are. The tasks themselves aren't that difficult but getting the habit of doing them can be, especially after several years of having Mommy take care of everything. 

Ages 2 and 3

Personal chores

  • Assist in making their beds
  • Pick up playthings with your supervision

Family chores

  • Take their dirty laundry to the laundry basket
  • Fill a pet's water and food bowls (with supervision)
  • Help a parent clean up spills and dirt
  • Dust

Ages 4 and 5

Note: This age can be trained to use a family chore chart.

Personal chores

  • Get dressed with minimal parental help
  • Make their bed with minimal parental help
  • Bring their things from the car to the house

Family chores

  • Set the table with supervision
  • Clear the table with supervision
  • Help a parent prepare food
  • Help a parent carry in the lighter groceries
  • Match socks in the laundry
  • Answer the phone with parental assistance
  • Be responsible for a pet's food and water bowl
  • Hang up towels in the bathroom
  • Clean floors with a dry mop
B1Bomber
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:58 PM
I never had set chores, just helped with whatever was needed at a particular time. I turned out okay, not a great housekeeper, but good enough to pass CPS inspections for fostering.
LoveMyBug2013
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:59 PM

 I wish I could get DS to pick up his toys.  He's only 14 months. How do you manage to get a just walking toddler to pick up after himself?  DS started walking at 10 months...

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

yes you are

we taught DS from the time he could walk that he had to pick up any toys he had out before he got out another set

 

CadillacCutie
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it might a little bit in the long run, however she seems like a very intelligent and bright little girl who may not need that extra shove to prepare her for other things. She sees mommy do it so it may be imaged into her mind already :)
FoxFire363
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:05 PM
Yes, you are. When I first started college I had a roommate who kept buying new clothes because she didn't know how to do laundry. I finally taught her how when her dirty laundry was taking over our room and making it smell. She actually slept on top of it. Do you want your dd to be that girl someday?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:07 PM
I've never really thought about it hurting her in the long run only because when I ask she will do it without a problem but its true that she should learn to be responsible for her own stuff and shouldn't have to be told. I guess its better to teach her now, probably should have taught her earlier, than trying to tell a tween/teenager to pick up after themselves. Thanks for the advice

Quoting mlg1989: I think it does a tiny bit.
I think it's good for children to learn that everyone has to pitch in to help.
Giving her a small responsibility won't kill her and it's good to learn she's expected to do things in life.
Having her clean her toys that SHE plays with isn't a big responsibility and perfect for her age.
My opinion anyway... if you don't feel like she should lift a finger then you go ahead and run your house that way. Whatever works I guess.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)