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abuse survivors, I need suggestions ETA, #2, #3-link(s)

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:06 PM
  • 122 Replies
1 mom liked this

I am in martial arts, and when I hit black belt in a year or two, I want to go into shelters to help survivors of domestic violence from the stance of self defense. What I need help with is knowing what types of violence is usually present so I can show people how to defend themselves. My ex never hit me, and so I need to know how to help. Please, no bashing. Excuse any mistakes. Net is down here atm, and I am doing this from my phone.

ETA:
Now that my net is back up, I need to add a few things.  First off, I know that getting out is easier said than done for a LOT of victims.  I've been there, and I'm not judging.  The purpose of this post is to get an idea of how to help those whose lives could be in immediate danger.  Do I advise fighting back?  All situations are different.  Abusers can become angrier if stood up against while others will back down.  Only you know your situation, but if something that is talked about saves a life, it will be worth it.

I really appreciate all the replies and would like to see more.

ETA #2
On page 8, there was an attack on me (calling a spade a spade) where stats were posted on women who fight back.  I asked her to post the link to the article, and she refused saying that since I was the expert that I could google it myself.  Well, I did.

The link is to the Michigan Women's Justice & Clemency Project, and it can be found here.  It is actually a very good article and answers some questions that are common about why women never leave and other things.  However, I must stress that this is Michigan and that the laws in your state may vary.

The key here is SURVIVAL.  If you plan to fight back, plan to leave and STAY GONE.  Yes, you could end up in prison if your fight ends in murder, but in doing this research, I have found articles on women who would rather be in prison than to continue to endure the abuse.  The choice is yours.  My goal is to get the information to the ladies who want and need it.  What they choose to do with it is up to them, and I stand by that statement.  I would rather a lady (or a gentleman) fight back than be killed, but I also know that fighting back could further enrage an abuser thus resulting in the victim's own death.  Only the abused knows their situation, but even that is a gamble.

ETA #3
Cycle of Violence - In These Times

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ninjakids
by Christina on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:07 PM
For me in my past it was choking, and rib/stomach shots.
mommyflaw
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:10 PM

My ex did a lot of throwing and holding me down, which from what I have heard is fairly common. When he did hit it was mostly to the ribs/thighs as those are easy to cover. Otherwise I'm not sure what you're asking.

tiffluv81
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:10 PM

choking, and restraining... You can show me techniques now... I will watch You tube if need be.

rhope4
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:16 PM
Pm me. I was in karate camp this last week, and we were shown how to break arm restraining both from front and behind. Also, I can tell you how to break a stranglehold from the front as long as it is not against a wall. I am working with a 3rd degree black belt who knows what I want to do, and he is either giving me links or making videos just for this purpose. Look up Guardian Angels on here. That is where I will be posting the videos when I get them.

Quoting tiffluv81:

choking, and restraining... You can show me techniques now... I will watch You tube if need be.

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rhope4
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:17 PM
This is EXACTLY what I want to know. Thank you!

Quoting mommyflaw:

My ex did a lot of throwing and holding me down, which from what I have heard is fairly common. When he did hit it was mostly to the ribs/thighs as those are easy to cover. Otherwise I'm not sure what you're asking.

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momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:18 PM


Quoting mommyflaw:

My ex did a lot of throwing and holding me down, which from what I have heard is fairly common. When he did hit it was mostly to the ribs/thighs as those are easy to cover. Otherwise I'm not sure what you're asking.

This, or he would use his hand to smash my face. Like pressing the heel of his hand into my nose really, really hard.


He would lock me in a choke hold and punch the top of my head, hit me in the stomach, legs, butt. He would use his chest to hut me against the wall. He woulnd't hit my face unless he was really drunk and not thinking.


He would also choke, slam me down, pull hair, and try to twist my head.




It varies, but it would be great for you to offer the help.

rhope4
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:19 PM
Thank you! So sorry you and the others went through all that. My ex sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused me, but since he never hit me, he never considered it abuse.

Quoting ninjakids: For me in my past it was choking, and rib/stomach shots.
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blue-heart
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:19 PM
My ex would choke, slap me, grab my arms and throw me. Some men punch and kick while their victim is on the ground.
rhope4
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:22 PM
It just occurred to me that all of cm could benefit from this. When I start getting videos in, I may open a group for just this purpose and make it public except for a couple of support forums. Something to think about...

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

Quoting mommyflaw:

My ex did a lot of throwing and holding me down, which from what I have heard is fairly common. When he did hit it was mostly to the ribs/thighs as those are easy to cover. Otherwise I'm not sure what you're asking.

This, or he would use his hand to smash my face. Like pressing the heel of his hand into my nose really, really hard.

He would lock me in a choke hold and punch the top of my head, hit me in the stomach, legs, butt. He would use his chest to hut me against the wall. He woulnd't hit my face unless he was really drunk and not thinking.

He would also choke, slam me down, pull hair, and try to twist my head.

It varies, but it would be great for you to offer the help.

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rhope4
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:25 PM
You ladies are giving me some other ideas. For those that get thrown, it might help to know how to fall as well. I will be checking on this. Please keep those suggestions coming!
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