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Anorexia/Bulimia. Whats your story?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

I have struggled with both. Right now I am struggling with both. I am very very careful about what and how much I eat. Like 300-400 calories max every day. Sometimes if I feel like I messed up I will purge the meal and throw it up. Like today, all I ate was black coffee, my adderall (it supresses my appetite and gives me energy), and then I just had two cups of spaghetti noodles with one cup of sauce with lean turkey meat in it. Now I want to make myself puke :/ I know I shouldnt because I was on the verge of passing out already. I feel so guilty. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:20 PM
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Replies (1-7):
mommyflaw
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:24 PM

I was anorexic in my past. It was mainly because we didn't have much food, so I didn't eat so others could. Gradually, after we started having enough food I liked the way my body looked too much to eat. I still feel guilty if I eat too much, like I'm taking something away from somebody.

LadyMe
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:36 PM
I've struggled with both. It was bad for a few years. I'm pretty much over it now but sometimes I still have days of dismorphia. I don't know if you're asking for help yet but
One of the things that helped me was learning about food. When you eat make sure it's organic and know you can eat all the veggies you want. Pasta isn't going to make you feel good physically or mentally. Study up on why organic is so much better for you and it will help you eat for your health and your mind. The chemicals you put in is only going to make this sickness worse. Get a GOOD Multivitamin instead of the meds. It really helped me.
The other thing is knowing this sickness comes from control issues. Start looking at your life to figure out what the real problems are.
I know how hard this is and how foggy life can become while you're in it. It doesn't have to be this way tho and you absolutely can crawl out of it. Feel free to message me. <3
pokemongirl0191
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 4:33 PM

i have struggled with anorexia in high school. i stoped eating  my lunches at school and i would lie to my mom saying i ate a big lunch when it came to dinner time. i would eat a small breakfast in the moring.  when i was in grade 11, my 2 friends started to notice i was always eating a couple bites of my lunch and then throwing the rest away.

they confronted me and they helped me by sitting with me at lunch time and making me finish my lunches. my one friend ended up telling my younger sister about it. (the were in the same grade.)  my sister told my mom and my mom would do the same things my 2 friends did.  in grade 12 i meet my so and i was honest with him about everything that had happened the year before.

 i have been healthy for 5 and a half years.  i am happy with my weight I'm at now and i haven't had any thoughts of anorexia in years. 


sorry this is so long. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 4:36 PM
Well im still trying to figure out how to STOP eating. I'm sorry , why do you feel guilty if you only eat like 400 calories a day ? Let it go... get help .
cybcm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 4:39 PM
I'm recovering from EDNOS. I didn't calorie count, I just didn't think food should be wasted on me. Very dark times.
When you're ready, seek the help, it really does get better.
HeartSongz
by on Jul. 29, 2014 at 2:57 PM

I've struggled with anorexia and disordered eating off and on since my teens so can relate with what you're going through. Last year I had a severe relapse of anorexia and was in such terrible physical/emotional shape that I went into an inpatient ED program. Even though I'm in a much better place than last year I'm still not at a weight that's considered healthy for my height. I still find myself struggling with eating, although it's improved. And I have an underlying fear of "losing control" through weight gain. That's a major underlying issue of anorexia, control. For me it felt, and still sometimes feels, as if withholding food makes me stronger, more capable and better able to handle my life. Because deep down inside I feel inadequate, ugly and frightened. But that's the lie the ED tells you. It may initially make you feel as if you're in control, but eventually it takes control of you and the cost is terrible.


To the OP I know how hard this is. I remember wanting help so bad and yet feeling terrified of that help. It's such a difficult disorder to treat because it's both psychological and physical. But it is possible to work toward recovery one step at a time. I hope you're able to do this soon...you deserve it.

winkyloafed
by on Jul. 29, 2014 at 2:58 PM
First of all, get rid of the Adderall. Seriously. Accept any kind of withdrawal that comes from it and things will improve.
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