Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

dh pissed bc he woke up to me...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 87 Replies
2 moms liked this

Pleasuring myself and I wasn't in the mood to screw him. It's been a week since we've done it, I have been tired and busy and our sex life is boring so I haven't been into it. I have been trying to fall asleep and nothing is working so I decided to try a little self-love. He woke up and decided it was an invitation to get on me. I've gone with it before but honestly I'm so tired of doing that for him and 9x10 I don't get off but my body stays wired so I just stay awake even longer. When I politely declined he angrily rolled away with a bruised ego.

If our sex life wasn't so vanilla I would be more into it but he only does his uncomfortable 1 position and goes for 5 minutes and is done. I love him, but sometimes I just need to get there instead of spending another night not sleeping bc we got busy and he got off and passed out and left me staring at the ceiling. I know he doesn't mean to, but we just don't have the same style of sex and he doesn't really ever make an effort to woo me and I have openly expressed my feelings on the matter. Oh well. I'm sure tomorrow will be so pleasant now that I refused his advances. Ugh. :/


Edit: To those who are claiming I've been selfish, I've given it up 1 - 2 x a week for 5 years. I take care of his home, our kids, the finances, his food, his clothes, his errand running, etc. Is it selfish to want him to put in the time so BOTH of us can enjoy sex instead of just one position for 5-7 minutes, barely - if any - foreplay he gets off and passes out while I'm left feeling messy and unsatisfied? I have tried to gently tell him how I like it, show him while we're in the middle of it, send articles to him regarding the subject, come home with toys and outfits, gone down on him for solid amounts of time - he went down one time for 3 minutes and used teeth. NO - ETC ETC ETC. He refuses to veer from his path to HIS sexual release. So am I STILL being the selfish one because I want to experience good sex? 

When we first started our relationship the sex wasn't this bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't this bad either. After we got married it's like he really quit trying altogether and is only out for him. I understand it can take a bit for people's rhythms to line up, but I've never been in a relationship where there wasn't mutual understanding and learning. I don't dislike sex; on the contrary I LOVE sex. When it's good. I know I signed up for better for worse, and he has really good points about him, but this crap in the bedroom...and this is jsut me trying to spice up and make NORMAL sex good, he won't ever entertain the idea of participating in the kind of sex I really like - I like to get rough, whips, chains, scratching, crazyiness, etc. It's a no-go. I don't even have nails and the man freaks out if I run my fingers down his back with too much pressure. :/ I have done things that he likes, I'm just asking for some reciprocation. 

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: He's "done his business" solo before and I've walked in on it. He's also not been in a mood and I've been turned down for sex. It is what it is, if he's not in the mood, I'm okay with it. If I'm going to be with someone I expect both of us to be comfortable enough with honest, and that means being able to tell each other what we might not want to hear without falling apart over it. I don't let that stuff hurt me; if he isn't into it or wants to go it alone, I let him have at it without acting like a wounded puppy. Why should there be a double standard? If I'm not into it - and I don't do that all the time, it's rare that I turn down advances, even with how I feel about our sex life - I expect him to be understanding and entertain himself, since he expects that of me. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:00 AM
Kinda selfish
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:03 AM

I get pissed if I ever catch DH masterbating and he turned down sex, or didn't want it.

Sex is the only way I can get off, so ....it's not really fair.

But I always ask for it. ;( Never get it

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:06 AM
2 moms liked this
I suppose. Then again I suppose it's kinda selfish when he demands I do everything for him, put my career on hold bc he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad, expect me to give it up at least 2 X a week regularly even when I don't feel well, I'm exhausted etc. I feel like I am entitled to be selfish every so often.

Quoting Anonymous: Kinda selfish
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:07 AM
Whatever floats your boat.

Quoting Anonymous: I suppose. Then again I suppose it's kinda selfish when he demands I do everything for him, put my career on hold bc he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad, expect me to give it up at least 2 X a week regularly even when I don't feel well, I'm exhausted etc. I feel like I am entitled to be selfish every so often.

Quoting Anonymous: Kinda selfish
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:08 AM
Dh gets off with or without me so it's different methods I only get off if I do it myself bc he isn't really interested in exploring my sexual needs. He says he is but it's been 5 years and not once have we done it my way. I rarely turn him down for sex but this was a first shooting him down to continue to get myself off.

Quoting Anonymous:

I get pissed if I ever catch DH masterbating and he turned down sex, or didn't want it.

Sex is the only way I can get off, so ....it's not really fair.

But I always ask for it. ;( Never get it

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:08 AM

It sounds like the 2 of you are incompatible in a lot of ways so i wonder even why you got married.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:09 AM
3 moms liked this
He has two hands.

Quoting Anonymous: Kinda selfish
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:10 AM
Why not go into another room where you won't wake him up and you could avoid all this mess.
Bluerose1482
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you have alot of other issues going on.  You should probably deal with those.

Quoting Anonymous: I suppose. Then again I suppose it's kinda selfish when he demands I do everything for him, put my career on hold bc he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad, expect me to give it up at least 2 X a week regularly even when I don't feel well, I'm exhausted etc. I feel like I am entitled to be selfish every so often.
Quoting Anonymous: Kinda selfish


lulalacroix
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:17 AM

If I did that my dh would wake up in a second and ask to join in.  You should have done it elsewhere if you didn't want him to intervene.

The bigger issue is that you two need to find some compatibility in bed.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)