Hubby has the REALLY bad habit of doing nothing but lecturing our 5 y/o and instituting ridiculous punishments if he's in a bad mood (DHs bad mood not 5 y/o's bad mood) .. It annoys the hell out of me .. I mean our 5 y/o will squirm wrong while DH is reading to him and he will chastize him about it and tell him that he will take him to bed. Also, his consequences in general will be way out of line. Like, 5 y/o will disregard a "stop that" with banging a toy on the side of the barn or popping his lips and immediately it is "go inside and go to bed" .. not "I'm going to take away the toy" or "I'm going to take away reading time" .. It wasn't even a safety thing and was just a minor annoyance but that is the consequence he'll go with and then I'm supposed to back him up.
Then I have a 5 yo in my house very upset who is supposed to be going to bed for annoying his dad and is in tears because he's been hearing nothing but negative speech from his dad all evening (I can hear them from in here) and I won't do it. I won't put him to bed for something like that. Plus I'm usually in the middle of mopping a floor or scrubbing windows and why can't daddy come put him to bed if that's the consequence he chose?! If it's a safety issue, if he was being mean, if he was being really destructive.. sure I'll hit pause and put the kiddo to bed since it will take me half the time. But I'm not going to be the bad guy over that kind of ridiculousness. Making an annoying noise is not put to bed worthy in my book. Hubby says "he needs to learn to listen to me!" He DOES almost ALWAYS listen to you, just not about absolutely EVERYTHING, because he's A KID.. You just fail to notice the 99% of the time that our child listens and instead choose to focus on when he does not. This gets 100x worse when you are in a poor mood. And that is ssssssoooo upsetting!
I am conflicted a bit though. I think it sounds rosy and merry to always back your spouse up on their parenting, and I almost always back up DH, but to me this just seems like DH doesn't think he is listened to because he is too busy focusing on negative interactions and when he's grumpy tries to grumpily micromanage what our child is doing and then loses patience... Then he won't admit he was being too harsh or negative.
I mean if I am a bit too harsh because of my own mood I admit it and apologize. I don't understand the mindset that a parent should appear as though they never make mistakes or never get into bad moods and it affects their judgment. Of course parents have bad moods, but you have to own up to it.
I just wish DH would tell me when he's in one of those moods and me and the kids will just go out and get ice cream leave him to go to bed or whatever it is he really wanted to do.