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He just doesn't understand the time it takes

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies
Our entire marriage (3 years ) DH has worked full time and gone to school full time. I have worked at night and taken care of the baby during the day. This worked for us because we had balance. I had more time than he did, so I was able to put forth more time into our marriage. This is what made things work, and it wasn't easy then.

Now he's graduated. The plan was that it was my turn to go to school and quit work. He was going to work during the day and watch the baby in the evenings while I do school. Nighttime was going to be our time. We were completely switching rolls so that EVENTUALLY we could work 9-5 jobs. This time it was his turn to have more time to put forth into the marriage and the home.

Today I came in to find out that he had registered for online classes to take in the evening while I was at school. He thinks it won't matter because I'll be busy with homework anyways. He has no idea the kind of work a marriage takes when one person is busy all the time. But this is his habit. He always overwhelms himself and leaves me to pick up the pieces once it all falls apart. I thought we had finally found a balance between time for school, work, son, marriage. I feel so heartbroken.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:09 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:09 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:09 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:09 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:09 AM

Sounds like the typical male who had the mom always picking up after him. My husband couldn't do half of what I do hell likely not even a quarter. So I don't even put up a fight. Women typically have the emotional end to hold up.

gradysmom2006
by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:12 AM
1 mom liked this
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him it's not okay.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:14 AM
His mom never picked up anything after him unless it was to pawn it for crack.

I think he just got used to going to school. He took great pride in accomplishing something that no one else in his family had in 2 generations. He has no idea that my son and I spent every semester waiting for his breaks just to spend time with him. Family activities were few and far between, our sex life dwindled down to a schedule I had to make. He just doesn't understand that I needed him to switch with me.

I know for a fact our marriage will not withstand double the stress it had, we barely made it through. I also know he won't see that until it crumbles.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like the typical male who had the mom always picking up after him. My husband couldn't do half of what I do hell likely not even a quarter. So I don't even put up a fight. Women typically have the emotional end to hold up.

cali_gurl
by Ruby Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:16 AM

Tell him how much you don't like this idea. Have a serious talk about how you need his support now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:17 AM
I've told him exactly how I feel and why. He truly cannot grasp the concept that our marriage and home take as much work as a full time job. It was a conversation that went in circles.
Me "There won't be enough time for us as a family or a couple if you're going to school too."
DH "But you'll be busy right then too, so I'm just supposed to go nothing?"

Quoting gradysmom2006: Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him it's not okay.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 27, 2014 at 3:18 AM
I have. It's like talking to a brick wall .

Quoting cali_gurl:

Tell him how much you don't like this idea. Have a serious talk about how you need his support now.

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