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Why I got a divorce *trigger*

Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

I was very young when I got married. Fell in love with an older man and jumped in with both feet.

Things were great for a while but after a few months he started saying hurtful things at times. Oh, he'd say them so they sounded helpful, but it still hurt. I was 5'4" and weighed 130 lbs. If I went for a second helping of food or stopped for a burger on my way home: "Are you sure you need that? I mean, you don't want to put on weight, right?" 

So I cut back on what I was eating.

A year after we got married I found out I was pregnant. I thought he was as happy as I was but he'd make comments like "There goes *fantasy vacation or other event*." 

During my pregnancy I found out he was cheating on me. I believed him when he blamed it on me. I was getting so fat and was always tired. I promised I'd try harder. He said he stopped. We started having sex even when I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose him, I was so in love.

After tha baby was born, the comments about my weight didn't stop. I had gain 15 pounds and only lost 6 of it. He was no longer nice about commenting on it. He would tell me I was fat and ugly and that I didn't make an effort to look good for him anymore. If I ate something he would say it was going straight to my ass or "Oh, sure. There's another pound, lard-ass."

So I stopped eating unless he wasn't around.

I started wearing make up and got accused of cheating on him. To "keep an eye on me" he started driving me everywhere. Shortly after that, my car got sold to "save money".

He became more controlling over the next year. Monitoring the money I spent, not allowing me to go any where without him. I slowly lost all my friends because of his abrassive attitude.

But it was OK, because he loved me and I loved him.

Then he hit me for the first time. I didn't have to hide the bruise on my cheek and chin because I wasn't allowed out of the house and had no friends at this point. I'd sworn never to let a man hit me. Ever. I knew where that went and was stronger than that, right?

But I guess I wasn't. He cried and said he didn't mean it. Swore it would never happen again. I had just made him SO mad. I don't even know what I did wrong.

But I forgave him because I loved him and had no where to go.

This went on for 6 years. I went from a healthy 130 lbs to a sickly 97. Just before my daughter started school, a year later than she was supposed to, I overherd something that made my heart stop.

My daughter was playing with her dolls. She had a mommy doll and a daddy doll and a baby doll. I was peeking into her room and watching her when she made the daddy doll hit the mommy and call her stupid.

I was *THAT* mom. The mom that wasn't protecting her daughter or teaching her how a man was supposed to be. I didn't know what to do. I had to get my daughter away from this, show her better.

I had no family and no friends, I didn't know where to go or who to talk to.

I waited until my husband went back to work after the weekend. He'd been especially viscious in his latest beating and wouldn't listen when I told him no later that night.

I took my daughter to the neighbor's house. He took one look at the bruises on my throat and face and ushered us inside. I think that man saved my life.

My daughter and I were moved into a temporary shelter and they helped me get my license and a job and car.

My xh ended up in jail for domestic violence and rape charges. Court was hell. I was so embarrassed to get in front of the judge and explain why I allowed it to go on for so long. 

It's been 10 years since I left him. I still battle an eating disorder and struggle to maintain a healthy weight. I've had people ask me how I could let myself get stuck in that situation. "Didn't I know better?"

Yes, I knew better. But I loved him, so "it was OK". I made excuses for his behavior, I believed him when he said things were my fault. He tore my apart until he was everything to me.

In the beginning, I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Praying he wouldn't show up one day. I swore he'd never have the chance to hurt our daughter like he did me. He had court ordered supervised visits at the local children services building.I would drop her off 15 minutes before her visit was to start and pick her up 15 minutes late so I could avoid seeing him. Eventually he stopped showing up and she asked to stop going.

3 years ago, he was killed in a car accident with his new wife. I feel bad that he took her with him, but I am very glad I don't have to look over my shoulder any more.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow I am glad you got out. Keep your head up no matter what. Are you in counselling?
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this
Wishing the best for you and your daughter.

I hope you find someone who will treat you like a queen.
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:45 AM
So glad you managed to get away, and that now you are completely free.
by Silver Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:48 AM

Abusers are very clever. How else can they destory your self esteem?It seems they know exactly what they are looking for.

by ~Tammie~ on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:50 AM

Your story moves me. I hope some other woman in  a situation close to yours read this and gathers the courage to leave like you once did.

you are a hero to your child.


by Ruby Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:54 AM
by Tasha on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:54 AM
I only feel bad for you, your daughter, and his wife that was killed in that car with him, unless she was the mistress that he was cheating on you with.
Keep your head up mama and get stronger for you and your daughter :-)
Not all older men are Assholes like that POS.
by JorgematoTM on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:55 AM
I think you are a very brave woman

Quoting Bluescorpia: Wow I am glad you got out. Keep your head up no matter what. Are you in counselling?
by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:56 AM
Thank you for sharing.
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:58 AM
So proud of you for getting out!
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