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Is this the norm for families of divorce?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies


My DD has a friend whose parents are divorced.  I know her mother but I do not know her father.  My DD received an invitation to her birthday party hosted by the dad several weeks ago to which we replied yes. Recently, we saw my daughter's friend and the mother told us that she had just sent us an invite to the birthday party she is throwing the week. after the dad's party.  I was confused and thought she was referring to the party the dad was throwing and she became clearly upset that we were going to that one and said she and her daughter would be disappointed if we didn't come to the one she was throwing. I said I would check my schedule and get back to her. 

So, what I want to know is:

Is it the norm for divorced couples to throw two separate parties for the child's birthday?  I realize it is a complicated issue, but I think it is asking a lot to expect peple to carve out time for two weekends in a row for the same child's birthday and also bring two gifts.  I think if the mom decided to throw a party, knowing the dad was already throwing one, she should tell her guests not to bring a second gift. Or better yet, alternate every year to throw the child's birthday party.

Do you agree?  How would you handle this? 


Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-7):
lonelymoon
by Kahla on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
If your dd can go to both she should bring a small gift to both. What would you normally spend on a gift? Are they recently divorced? Maybe they are trying to one up eachother. My exdh and I invite eachother to the party and our ds would have one party, so it is a little weird to me.
Ol--Akasha--lO
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:11 PM
Yes, it's normal. No, I did not get two gifts from my friends most of the time. Sometimes their parents would get a bunch of little stuff and split it in half for each party. It's a good idea and I will do it if my kids are invited to two parties for one child.

DH and I dont throw a party for my SS because he usually does a big extravagant party with his mom, so we just do a family party. This year we will probably just be doing a dinner outing because last year DHs siblings went to Bms party instead of ours.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:24 PM

They actually have been divorced for a couple years.  I think the way you and your exdh handle it is much beter.

Quoting lonelymoon: If your dd can go to both she should bring a small gift to both. What would you normally spend on a gift? Are they recently divorced? Maybe they are trying to one up eachother. My exdh and I invite eachother to the party and our ds would have one party, so it is a little weird to me.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:26 PM

Good idea, thanks!

Quoting Ol--Akasha--lO: Yes, it's normal. No, I did not get two gifts from my friends most of the time. Sometimes their parents would get a bunch of little stuff and split it in half for each party. It's a good idea and I will do it if my kids are invited to two parties for one child. DH and I dont throw a party for my SS because he usually does a big extravagant party with his mom, so we just do a family party. This year we will probably just be doing a dinner outing because last year DHs siblings went to Bms party instead of ours.


YNot4ever
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:43 PM

For my SS, he has a party at each house.  Both houses limit the number of friends that come to just 2 or 3.  DH talked with BM before hand to figure out which friends she was inviting and who we wanted to invite.  SS is 8, so some of his friends are only friends cause DH grew up with the friend's dad.  SS has pretty much grown up with these kids hanging out several times a month.  Now there is one family that did go to both parties this past year, it was explained that it wasn't expected and he didn't have to bring a gift to both parties (or at all if that was his intention).  DH and BM really try to make sure they aren't inviting the same kids.  SS's parties tend to be on back to back days as well, so really inviting the same family to both would literally take a family's whole weekend.  

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:56 PM

This makes a lot more sense to me.  My dd's friends family is inviting the same friends to both parties.

Quoting YNot4ever:

For my SS, he has a party at each house.  Both houses limit the number of friends that come to just 2 or 3.  DH talked with BM before hand to figure out which friends she was inviting and who we wanted to invite.  SS is 8, so some of his friends are only friends cause DH grew up with the friend's dad.  SS has pretty much grown up with these kids hanging out several times a month.  Now there is one family that did go to both parties this past year, it was explained that it wasn't expected and he didn't have to bring a gift to both parties (or at all if that was his intention).  DH and BM really try to make sure they aren't inviting the same kids.  SS's parties tend to be on back to back days as well, so really inviting the same family to both would literally take a family's whole weekend.  



HamsterandCow
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:59 PM
I think it's only normal if the parents can't stand to be around each other which unfortunately is often. I would have my child attend both parties and give a small gift at each party, maybe 2 gift cards?
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