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disagreeing on finances?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
Dh and I seem to clash over finances and is driving me crazy. We did discuss these things before we got married but we have never been in this position. We are doing pretty well with good paying jobs, own a house in a nice neighborhood, nice car, etc. I want my kids to have what they need (and some wants, but not be excessively spoiled). We went on a nice vacation with the kids and stuck to our budget but still made a lot of memories. Dh wants to keep up with all these things and is OK with juggling bills. I just want everything to be current. But he says it will be OK and gets mad when I stress. Nothing is ever cut off, nothing is repoed, so everything should be fine. How do you have a conversation and come up with a plan about finances without people getting angry?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:12 PM
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Replies (1-6):
wise.toes
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:17 PM

i think it's irresponsible to not pay a bill in favor of doing something that isn't necessary. that's financially irresponsible, even if it will get paid off "eventually"

...what if something comes up and the money just isn't there? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:30 PM
I completely agree! I want to discuss it with him but it always turns into an argument. We were both raised without much.

Quoting wise.toes:

i think it's irresponsible to not pay a bill in favor of doing something that isn't necessary. that's financially irresponsible, even if it will get paid off "eventually"

...what if something comes up and the money just isn't there? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:32 PM
I foresee gambling in his future.
DesireMM
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:37 PM

My husband is the same way. So I have no advise. Sorry.

YNot4ever
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:39 PM

I am technically in charge of the bills at our house.  DH is okay with this.  I do however bring up finances with him about every other week, so he knows where we stand and gets a say in things.  I am a bit OCD and have "mandated" X amount has to go in savings each month.  He agreed to the amount.  We both understand if an emergency pops up, this amount won't be deposited.  However, buying a new gun/toy/tractor etc is not an emergency.  We both agree to this and understand it.  

We set goals we both agree to.  One was to get savings up to a certain amount in this year.  About every other week, I would tell him where we stood and my "plan" for the next few weeks.  We both have agreed that all bills are to be paid before they are due.  He gets an opinion on my plan, deposit extra, pay over on the house, whatever it is.  I will state my reason for the plan and he states what he thinks.  He also will tell me when he has a "want" coming up.  We discuss it and decide what to do. 

Finances have never been heated between us.  I took responsibility, I am better at math and with money.  He was okay with this, but I respect the fact it is his money so if he wants something, we discuss.  His wants though are typically high dollar.  New hunting rifle, a backhoe, you get the idea.  That is the only reason we need to discuss those purchases.  If I want something big, we discuss as well.  I just don't seem to have any need for anything high dollar like that.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:40 PM
Sorry. I hit send too soon. We were both raised without much so he wants to provide the kids with things we wanted and never had. And I do too within reason. But I watched my mom struggle with bills and juggle them and I don't want to live like that!

Quoting Anonymous: I completely agree! I want to discuss it with him but it always turns into an argument. We were both raised without much.

Quoting wise.toes:

i think it's irresponsible to not pay a bill in favor of doing something that isn't necessary. that's financially irresponsible, even if it will get paid off "eventually"

...what if something comes up and the money just isn't there? 

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