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help with dealing with a dementia patient

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
My grandfather was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. Its gotten pretty bad in the last 2 years. On his good days I guess a level 3, on bad days a 4. I don't actually know what his dr has him classified as because him and my grandma both are extremely tight lipped about the whole situation. I do know his dr has told them multiple times they need to move to be closer to family who can help but they refuse. I am the only nearby relative and they rarely accept any help from me or tell me any info as to what's going on.

Today I was visiting and my grandfather got extremely irritated out of the blue. He accused me of trying to steal their car and my grandma of helping me to do so. (We both have the same color car but different makes and years)

He threatened to kick my grandma out the house and physically took her wallet and keys out of her purse. He was screaming and yelling how we must think he is stupid.

He told me the bank teller tried to steal all the money out of their account. (They are quite wealthy)

My grandma needs help with him but she refuses to admit it, or consider in home help. (like a nurse) he has called the cops on her twice now, once accusing her of starving him to death the othertime because once again she was stealing "his" money.

No one really knows what to do, they have been married 60 years and we cant force them to hire help, move, or put him in a home (no one wants that to happen)

Does anyone have any advice as to how to get him to calm down when he gets upset and agitated like this?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:46 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:46 PM
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cinnamonkiti
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:49 PM

Look for an adult caregiver support group in your area. You can find that information by calling your city's department of aging and disability(DADS)

 The support groups are great, because it helps people to realize that they are not alone in this, and options start to open up. 

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:49 PM

There isn't really anything you can do. You can call Adult Protective Services and see if they can force help on them but for me that would be a last resort.

MommyAnnaBanana
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:50 PM

Call 211. They should be able to direct you to resources. 

niki_hubbard
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:50 PM
Maybe call a family attorney? You may be able to get something done legally since grandma cannot handle the situation. My own poor MIL is going through a lot with her father. He was diagnosed with dementia last week, and has gotten so bad so quickly :( it is a tough road.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:53 PM
Their doctor told them both about support groups in our area. They refuse to consider going. Tbh my grandma is embarrassed and ashamed to admit my grandfather is sick like this. She doesn't say it, but it's obvious.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

There isn't really anything you can do. You can call Adult Protective Services and see if they can force help on them but for me that would be a last resort.

JackieGirl007
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:54 PM

 Oh man I went through this with my grandmother. She thought I was her son's wife and she hated me, it was so heartbreaking. I know you're supposed to kind of tell them what they want to hear. Like if they think you are somebody you are not, you just go along with it. They just can't understand otherwise. Also, try distracting him.

corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:56 PM

Reduce stimulation in the environment.

Encourage him to sit with you and explain what is bothering him.

Validate his feelings by saying things like "That must be upsetting for you" and "I understand how difficult this must be".

Redirect him to another activity that he really enjoys.

As soon as you have a reason to, praise him for something and tell him how proud you are.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:59 PM
Thank u for those suggestions.

Quoting corticosteroid:

Reduce stimulation in the environment.

Encourage him to sit with you and explain what is bothering him.

Validate his feelings by saying things like "That must be upsetting for you" and "I understand how difficult this must be".

Redirect him to another activity that he really enjoys.

As soon as you have a reason to, praise him for something and tell him how proud you are.

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