Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SIL named her DD after my DD who passed away, without asking us *EDIT

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 293 Replies

DH and I lost a DD a few years ago named Ruby. We've gone on to have more kids and SIL recently had a DD And named her Ruby. We are so hurt and upset. I can't see or think of this child without thinking of my Ruby. She apparently told others what she was planning on naming her DD but didn't tell us so knew it would be hurtful. What would you feel or do?  These are first cousins. This is not a troll post; this is real. I'm so hurt and don't know what to feel right now. I can't bear to call that child my deceased daughter's name. 

EDIT: SIL has made it very clear this was not in tribute to our daughter. She just wanted the name for her own daughter. So this isn't about honoring our daughter. 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:02 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MomOfAwesome
by Bronze Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:03 AM
I'd be hurt.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
graybealgirl
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:04 AM
Hugs
activitymode
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:04 AM
15 moms liked this
That's horrible. Normally I think people overreact with names but your sil was in complete bad taste.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liastele
by Lauren on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:04 AM
5 moms liked this

*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'd just politely excuse yourself from family gatherings on that side. When you see that side of the family, host the event and do not invite SIL and her immediate family.

Cmgmqmmom
by Ruby Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:05 AM
I'm sorry. I can understand why you would be upset.
1TallMamaCA
by Gold Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:05 AM
How old was your child at the time of loss?

It would be hard for me as well, after loosing my one week old dd, she was and still is my only dd.
MeaganP
by Gold Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:06 AM
Just cut them out of your life
nayeli.c
by on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:06 AM

Was she close to your daughter?

I know your feeling hurt, but maybe this was her way of honoring your daughter.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:06 AM

It wasn't even my cousin. It was my SIL. So her child and my Ruby are first cousins. I just don't know what to do. I can't bear to call her that. We asked if we could call her by her middle name and SIL threw a major fit. Now we just call her "the baby" but that won't work forever. Mil and FIL are totally on SIL's side too. :(. 

Quoting activitymode: That's horrible. Normally I think people overreact with names but your cousin was in complete bad taste. I'm sorry for your loss.


OrangeBalloon
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2014 at 12:06 AM
10 moms liked this

Well first of all I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child. 

Ruby is a very pretty name, and while it might upset you, you don't have any special ownership of the name. Your SIL probably didn't intend for it to hurt you but she has probably loved the name for a long time and it was very appealing to her. If anything, I would be honored that someone loved my child's name and that they wanted to remember her. Lots of people name children after loved ones that pass away to honor them. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)