I resent my family for leaving me in this position! Help! Kinda long
Growing up, we had my grandparents live with us for a long time. They really couldn't live alone and my aunt wasn't having it. My parents decided to let them live with us (I was a teen) as long as they could and after my grandfather passed, and I was long married in another state, my parents put my grandmother in an elder care community.
Also growing up my parents assured me that they would never put me in this position; to take care of an elderly parent. Having grandparents living with us was cool for me (and I guess my brother but he was 4 years older and never really lived in the house full time being in college) but I know it put a big strain on my parents marriage. They stayed married until my mom died 8 years ago from lung cancer. My dad lives on the East cost and we live on the West cost.
My dad is ornary. I love him, but he is not easy to get along with. He has his opinions and they are right whether or not they are (you know what I mean). He is 72, from New York, and is a typical New Yorker. Not easy to get along with. He also has a bunch of medical problems including walking and cannot live by himself across the country.
Also, my dad isn't talking to my brother who is a freakin' doctor, living in a mansion with his trophy yet nurse wife. That argument isn't going to resolve itself soon so this is falling on me.
I am so resentftul. If my mom was alive she could coax him into a community that would be benefitial to him she died because she smoked. I tried to decades to stop her. My brother, who could pull the "I'm a doctor" card (my dad's generation practically worshiped docs) won't even try to help and my dad wouldn't listen to him anyway.
So me, the girl, has to take this on myself. Not only won't my dad listen to me (his generation has a prejudice against women in general), but he has to move in with us until I can convince him to find a place with help for him. This includes remodeling the downstairs so he can walk and such without hurting himself. Replacing the tub in the bathroom with a shower, rugs and the like. The cost is expensive and the time away from handling my family will be a strain. But my husband, bless his heart, is OK with it.
So, I am resentful. Seriously. It will probably end up with him living with us for a long time and it just seems like it is impossible. I don't even want to bring up the fact that he may have to give up his driving liscence soon.
Help! Any words of wisdom?