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My DD married a guy with cancer and now that he is in remission she realizes she doesnt want to be with him....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies
1 mom liked this
Long story short they met her first year of college. They dated for about a week before he told her he had cancer. All of a sudden they were married and living together. She wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He only had a few years to live

He did some experimental treatment and he is now cancer free. Everyone was happy at first. Now they have been fighting all the time. They clearly never thought of a future with each other because what she wants is very different than what he wants. DD is realizing that although she does love him the main reason they got married was because he was dying.

She feels like an awful person and I told her that I dont think she is. They moved quickly because they felt they had to and she was there for him through all the good and bad.

ETA: She is at the point where she doesnt want to try to work it out. He wants to move across the country to finish his school (2 years left) and then he wants to travel the world for the rest of his life. My DD wants to stay where she is and finish school (she has another 6+ years left) and settle down and start her own practice. There is no such thing as compromise here because someone would have to give up a lot. Not just every once in awhile. Either my DD has to travel and miss out on opportunities and experience or her DH would have to not travel like he wants.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:10 PM
What's the differences in what they want in life?
smalltownteddy
by Fletcher on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this
They should try couple's counseling and life planning. I don't think she's a bad person either, they had a huge unexpected life change, it's normal to freak out.
TheSilence
by Tá mé an mó on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:11 PM
They should seek counseling.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:13 PM
She wants to stay at the school she is going to. He wants to move across the country to finish school and then travel the world

She wants to finish her degree and settle down in her hometown.

Quoting got2monsters: What's the differences in what they want in life?
smalltownteddy
by Fletcher on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:14 PM
And there's no way to compromise? Switch out on finishing their degrees or he doesn't transfer but then they travel for a couple of years?

Quoting Anonymous: She wants to stay at the school she is going to. He wants to move across the country to finish school and then travel the world

She wants to finish her degree and settle down in her hometown.

Quoting got2monsters: What's the differences in what they want in life?
got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:15 PM
Seems like those are both reasonable things that can be compromised on.

Quoting Anonymous: She wants to stay at the school she is going to. He wants to move across the country to finish school and then travel the world

She wants to finish her degree and settle down in her hometown.

Quoting got2monsters: What's the differences in what they want in life?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:15 PM
This happens frequently even to people that were together a while before the cancer/illnesses. Counseling is always a great option but there's no shame in going separate ways.

Ps it's way better to leave when they're going to survive versus leaving when they're going to die. A "friend" left her fiance because he had cancer and was going to die because age couldn't handle dealing with him sick. Thankfully he loved but she'll never live down leaving a dying man for dead
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this
She has been seeing a therapist to work through things but I dont think she wants a counselor for their marriage

Neither one of them wants to give up their hopes and dreams.

Quoting TheSilence: They should seek counseling.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:16 PM
Did he have a huge life insurance policy on his head or something?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:16 PM
How do you compromise between traveling the world for the rest of your life and settling down?

She isnt interested in traveling much in the first place.

Quoting smalltownteddy: And there's no way to compromise? Switch out on finishing their degrees or he doesn't transfer but then they travel for a couple of years?

Quoting Anonymous: She wants to stay at the school she is going to. He wants to move across the country to finish school and then travel the world

She wants to finish her degree and settle down in her hometown.

Quoting got2monsters: What's the differences in what they want in life?
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