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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

A need to vent

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

I'm posting this because I need to vent it out.  Your opinions and advice are always welcome.

My husband and I are separated and have been since July 4th.  He went from being happy and wanting to stay together to he's not happy and doesn't want to pretend anymore to he's not sure what he wants to he wants a divorce.  I found out from another source that he was with his DD's BM since we separated.  He sent me messages saying that he's always loved her and it should have been her that he married and not me.   We argued a lot and I decided to give him space. 

Maybe a week later, I was overwhelmed with everything and needed someone to talk to.  He was always my best friend first so I went to him because nobody understands me better than he does.  I told him that I just need somebody that knows me to talk to and he's more than welcome to stop talking again when we were done and he agreed.  He didn't want the conversation to stop.   We're in the middle of a friendly conversation and he starts sending me dirty pictures of himself out of the blue.  Long story short, the sexting began.

About two weeks later he tells me that he finds out that DD's BM has been cheating on him the entire time they've been back together and he knew since him and I started texting.  (He assured me that's not why the sexting and flirting with me began and I believe him because it's still going on.)  He finally called her on it and smashed her phone.  Afterwards she tried to rip his throat out.  (He sent me pictures and it does look like she legitimately tried to rip his throat out.)  It also happened right in front of their DD.  She is now in the psych hospital and he filed for a PFA and plans on having her charged. 

He now tells me that he no longer loves her and that the messages I mentioned earlier were not even sent by him.  He still loves me and misses me but is confused on what he wants.  He never wanted a divorce and only said that because he was angry.  What he wants is an indefinite separation so that we can work on things and see where it goes.

What bothers me is that he was in a relationship with this woman for a month and now has a date next weekend.  He assures me that he doesn't want to be with this woman but I just don't know.  He wants me to date and try to be happy but I just don't want to.  He says that he's not trying to move on--he just wants to try new things and doesn't want to be alone. 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:40 PM
I think you just need to lose all contact with him. Asap.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:41 PM
Get a divorce.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:42 PM

I'm not sure I want one.  At any rate I don't have the money for it.  He has the money but he refuses to file.

Quoting Anonymous: Get a divorce.


MommyAddie
by Platinum Member on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this
If he wanted to be with you, he would be.

If he was ready to be with you, he wouldn't go from your home, to her home, to a date.

He's keeping you as a back up. He's not as serious about you as you are about him. If he was and this was truly about problems between the two of you, he wouldn't be ready to be with anyone else.

Also, a man who would let his daughter think for a month her parents were getting back together for a month and then have such a fight in her presence is too immature for a relationship, at the moment.

My advice is to take a bit to grieve the loss of this loser from your life and then move on, or he will continually drag you through this kind of mess.
Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:45 PM
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. As long as he knows you're waiting around, he'll keep doing this. Move on. Don't be played.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:47 PM
You can get a pro-bono lawyer for free or very cheap. Why would you stay married to a man that has no respect for you?

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure I want one.  At any rate I don't have the money for it.  He has the money but he refuses to file.

Quoting Anonymous: Get a divorce.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:48 PM

Unless he cancels the date next weekend and does something to show you he is serious, it isn't going to work out.  Either he works on your marriage or you file for divorce....Don't let him play you like that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:48 PM

I've told him that I'm willing to work on things with him but I'm not putting my life on hold.  I've gone out with a men a couple times and he knows that.

Quoting Leissaintexas: He wants to have his cake and eat it too. As long as he knows you're waiting around, he'll keep doing this. Move on. Don't be played.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:50 PM

What bothers me is he's had plenty of opportunities to leave.  He's had chances to leave me and get with her or move on altogether and he always chose me.  I just don't know why he waited until after we were married to do this.

Quoting MommyAddie: If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If he was ready to be with you, he wouldn't go from your home, to her home, to a date. He's keeping you as a back up. He's not as serious about you as you are about him. If he was and this was truly about problems between the two of you, he wouldn't be ready to be with anyone else. Also, a man who would let his daughter think for a month her parents were getting back together for a month and then have such a fight in her presence is too immature for a relationship, at the moment. My advice is to take a bit to grieve the loss of this loser from your life and then move on, or he will continually drag you through this kind of mess.


Texasladybug84
by Platinum Member on Aug. 9, 2014 at 2:51 PM
Divorce
Divorce
Divorce
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