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My stepdaughter won't visit my DH anymore cause of our son and it's breaking his heart.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 291 Replies
My husband and I have a 4yo son. My stepdaughter is 17. She was an only child til we had him. She's never been around little kids so she has trouble with normal behaviors and thinks he's a "huge brat" (her words).

My Dh loves her so much and they used to be so close. Since I've had to start working weekends, when she's over my DH is responsible for our son. The last few times she's been here she's wanted to go see a movie, but it wasn't age appropriate for him. Then she wanted to go back to school shopping, but after about 30 mins of it my son obviously wasn't into it and had a tantrum so they had to cut it short. Last weekend when we were deciding where to go for dinner and she wanted sushi but I said no cause her brother wouldn't eat it, she snapped "he's not my brother,".

This weekend, she wouldn't come visit. Her and DH got into - fight on the phone and she said she's not coming to visit when the whole world revolves around "the annoying brat" here. She threw him all these examples that DH had no idea she was annoyed at and he is so hurt. He cried when they hung up.

Idk what to do for him or their relationship. I feel for him but I'm also angry at her.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:46 AM
79 moms liked this

Why are you angry with her?  She wants time with her dad without her little brother around.  Is there anyone around to babysit DS for a few hours at least one or two weekends a month so your SD can have some time with her dad.

I'm a SM so I know how hard it can be, but it sounds like your SD feels like she's been pushed aside for her dad's new kid because now everything revolves around him...and it shouldn't.  That's a horrible feeling for any child. 

Maybe instead of saying "no" to sushi since DS didn't like it, say "Since DS won't eat sushi, why don't you two go have sushi and DS and I will go somewhere DS likes".  I'm sure she would have appreciated the time alone with her dad and that her wants/needs matter.

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:48 AM
18 moms liked this
Send the kid to your parents or someone else so the daughter can have some dad time. And atop letting the 4 year old decide on everything.
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:50 AM
11 moms liked this
While I can see her annoyance at having to deal with a 4 year old it is pretty selfish to say 'send the kid away so she can have dad all to herself.'
by Murdoc's Mistress on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:51 AM
12 moms liked this

I see the stepdaughter's perspective on this.  At her age, normal behavior in small children can be seen as "being a brat". 

He should have gotten a sitter and taken his daughter school shopping alone.

Most sushi places will have a menu for those who do not eat sushi.  Call and check. 

I'd be burnt out too if every little thing I liked or wanted had to revolve around a little kid's tastes or behavior. 

by ~Tammie~ on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:51 AM
5 moms liked this

your husband needs to make time for him and his daughter. Just the two of them. Life is busy we all know that but this is important. 

by Sapphire Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this
He needs to get a babysitter for a few hours on the weekends and spend time with his daughter. Or spend time with her alone when you are home. How is this rocket science?
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:51 AM
6 moms liked this

its your fault.If the kid threw a fit too dam bad.I wouldnt wanna go over there either if everything revolved around him.

by Emerald Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:52 AM
22 moms liked this
If your 4 year old can't behave while shopping for more than 30 minutes it sounds to me like you have a problem. I'm not saying the world should revolve around her when she comes over but your son needs to scoot over and share the attention and the spotlight when she is over. Most sushi places have other food and it wouldn't kill him to eat rice with some chicken or something for one meal
by Hufflepuff on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:52 AM
4 moms liked this
^^what they said
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:52 AM
8 moms liked this
She's 17. She shouldn't be required to spend all of her time doing things that are age appropriate for a 4yo. She's not 4.
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