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I Can't Handle It...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 3 Replies
...I'm so freaking nautious. Every. Damn. Morning. All day. I hate being nautious more than anything in this world. It's why I gave up drinking; I couldn't handle the morning sickness. I'm so exhausted that I can't work out, and that was one of the things that made me tick and feel happy/stress relief.

I didn't even want to get pregnant. I feel so selfish admitting this, but I have nowhere else to vent. I don't have a job that allows me to call out sick- because I just feel sicker every single damn day- nor can I sit down at all when I'm tired. I won't even get pregnancy leave; I'll just not get paid for 3 months after baby is born. And! My health insurance doesn't cover pregnancy, Medicaid hasn't gone through for whatever reason, my SO and I literally cannot afford to have a baby between our monthly bills and what we make between us. I'm not asking my parents for help, because they are getting on in years and don't have that kind of money and I shouldn't have to ask for mommy and daddy's help when I'm an adult and need to own up.

I hate this more than anything, and have never wanted a m/c but now I do because I don't want to abort, but a child is just not feasable nor probably ever will be for me personally. Maybe I should give up for adoption...but then I'll feel like a horrible person who just hands someone else the beautiful being that is part me, part my SO whom I love but also!!!! Has RRMS, Non Hodgkin's lymphoma and melanoma. The doctors say he will not have more than 10 years left, if his symptoms keep progressing the way they are. That's another issue in itself that I found out barely a month before I got effing pregnant, ladies.

I'm stressed. And just venting. Like, beyond stressed and pissed off at the world and I'm sorry (not sorry) if I offended anyone on here but, well, this is nothing compared to half of the anonymous posts on this site, so freaking bite me all you negative ladies out there whose life is just so perfect and can sneer and look down on those who are suffering right now. And for those who secretly sympathize/empathize- thank you, and I'm sorry that you feel the same way because this just freaking sucks.

End rant.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 10, 2014 at 12:33 PM
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Replies (1-3):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:04 PM
Nothing wrong with venting.It sounds like you have a lot of heavy shit to cope with.I don't have any advice,really,but if "letting it all out" helps even a smidge then go for it, girl!No need to worry about the ones who might respond negatively to your venting.Try to focus on the ones who offer a measure of comfort.Kudos to you for reaching out!
Tranquil_Octopi
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:07 PM

Nothing wrong with venting. You have to do what is best for you and your life. I do help something comes up and it helps to make things easier for you. 

Missdameanor
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 1:11 PM
Soda crackers and flat 7up always helped me. Sorry about the rest of your situation.
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