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Are you creating a rift between siblings? Are you not close with your sibling? Long read but interesting

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:24 PM
  • 54 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'm a grown woman in my 30s with a child but it still bothers me that I'm not close to my only sibling. Notice I say "sibling" and not "brother" that's because I really don't have a brother 

my bro and I are only 3 years apart in age but yet I never confide in him, talk to him beyond casual convo and could go months if not forever without talking to him and it wouldn't affect me. 

We are not enemies but we just aren't close 

i finally figured out part of the reason why: my mother. By using a method in psychology called triangulation we are not close or trust eachother. 

This definition comes from a website:

Triangulation is another trick of Narcissistic Mothers.

It involves creating a situation where two or more people, e.g. siblings, do not relate directly to each other, but mostly relate via the mother. This leaves her at the centre of the web.

This triangulation gives the mother lots of power, of course, and means that she controls theflowof information, theinterpretationof that information, and thenuancesof it.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

For example we were all in a group of family members recently and somebody asked me if my bro has a girlfriend. (He's in his 30scand never had one to my knowledge.) I said "I don't know he never tells me."

 My mom jumped in and said " well he said he never talks to you about girls because you are too critical." It was very ackward for everyone. 

So right then We all learned that 1. My bro and mom talk about me behind my back 2. He thinks I criticize his dates 3. He feels more comfortable telling my mother that than just telling me that 

The weird part is I have never talked to my brother about anyone he was dating so that means she feeds him lies..

This is just one example. I feel bad because I am kinda strong minded and have friends and close relationships so I see through what she's doing and have a life.  But my brother is very shy quiet and introverted and seems to only confide in my mom and have no close relationships. 

Please moms don't do this! If you are doing it please stop. My husband a couple others I know who are not close to their 1 and only sibling is usually for this reason besides some other direct animosity etc 

Sent from my iPad

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KairisMama
by Emerald Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:27 PM
I just saw my brothers today, for lunch, with dad. We're close, and DH is close to his brother and sister.
IAmBejeweled
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't talk to my brother, and I don't plan to.  It has nothing to do with our parents.  It has to do with him being a violent, mean drunk with untreated mental illness.  I'd be okay with never seeing or talking to him again.

imthatgirl0607
by Emerald Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not close to my brother, and it has nothing to with my mother. As an adult I ca naccept that we don't put in the effort to be close. I would never blame my mother for that.

ChicagoMimi
by Mimi on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:28 PM

Naw...I can't relate my and my brother are close. I'm his "go-to" person when he is having issues of any kind.

Prettymomymiami
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:31 PM


Quoting ChicagoMimi:

Naw...I can't relate my and my brother are close. I'm his "go-to" person when he is having issues of any kind.

I envy you

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:31 PM

I am close with my sister but not with my step-siblings. I don't see her that often because we live 6 hours apart but we talk on the phone all the time. We didn't live together growing up so it has always been a long distance and summer relationship.

My husband is as close as he can be with his siblings considering they live 3000 miles away from us.

Bigmetalchicken
by Emerald Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I am not close to any of my siblings. While I love one of my brothers very much, the fact that we were seperated and his father was able to have a large part of his upbringing made it hard for us to have a relationship. Also, I am ten years older than him, and while we were raised by the same two people, we had MUCH different upbringings, so there is nothing there to form a relationship. That said, whenever he needs me, I am there for him.

The rest of them are my bio father's children, and I have absolutely no use for them. They have evil people for parents, and they have been overindulged and pampered their entire lives. I am certain that one of them will eventually be found to be a craigslist rapist and coke addict. I wish them no ill, but I also have no love for them, and they are not people that I would ever invite into my life. I know the evil that raised them, and I will not allow that in my home, or near my family.

mommytoeandb
by Ruby Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:33 PM
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My brother and I are 22 months apart.  We have never been close.  Definitely not due to this type of issue, though.  

We were latch key kids and left to fend for ourselves a lot.  I was the "responsible one" and in charge.  Nothing like getting blamed for something someone else did to build resentment.  We both fought a lot and looked for ways to blame each other.  

My parents never really modeled how we should have treated one another.  They have been married over 35 years and still bicker like crazy.  My mom used to throw things.  :P


Prettymomymiami
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:33 PM

I envy you glad you are close too, however not trying to be rude but the question really was have you experienced this or do this as a mother...

Quoting KairisMama: I just saw my brothers today, for lunch, with dad. We're close, and DH is close to his brother and sister.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:35 PM
Are you a first-year psychology student?
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