Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Rly liked my ex's GF until I added her on fb :/

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies

So yep. That's my confession today.

My ex and I have 2 kids together. He has been dating this girl for a year and a few months. He is 27 and she is 19. They live together at her parents house. They have the kids every other weekend. Before he was with her he didn't pay CS at all (he actually just started to recently) and would go months without seeing the kids. He didn't have a house or job and would pretty much sleep on anyone's couch who would let him.

At first I was a little unsure about her. She never talked to me so I thought she might be stuck up and of course her age was a little weird to me. But eventually she started talking to me and it has now become that I deal with her most of the time because my ex will just completely ignore me. He always wants favors as far as switching around when he has them or skipping weekends because he is inconvenienced or whatever but when I really need them to keep the kids an extra night he is an ass about it. But if I talk to her instead she is very understanding and will try to help, especially since it has only happened like twice that I ask them to pick them up a day early. Her and I communicate well on everything. We talk often and keep each other filled in on what is going on when we have the kids. She has even volunteered to be the one to take the kids to their sports practices this year since I am about to have a baby with DH. Which I appreciate monumentally.

So since I think last fall she has been saying to send her a friend request on FB. I never did though because my ex would always use his friends fbs to snoop on me and try to use any little thing against me and get in my business. Which led me to delete all of our mutual friends a few years back just to keep him from doing that. But lately things seem to be pretty harmonious between all of us so i decided to go ahead and send her a request. But then I  went through her feed and after seeing that and the posts she has made over the past couple of weeks I am kind of annoyed. The way she portrays herself is that her and my ex are raising my kids and that I am not in the picture. She adds photos of them almost daily and makes it seem as if they are with her everyday. There are comments about how she never expected to be a mom this young but she is so much enjoying "raising them" and getting to be a "real mom" to them. Pics with captions like "so proud to be their mommy". And not just like once or twice. This is like an every day thing with her. Ummm...sorry but having kids every other weekend does not a mom make. This attitude is reflected in the comments her friends and family make on her posts. Things like "so glad they have you now" and "you're doing a great job raising them". Which leads me to believe that not only does she portray this on fb but actually convinces ppl of this. Ya, they have had a mom their whole lives. The one who does their home work with them. Gets them ready for school. Cooks for them every day. Tucks them in every night. Bathes them and cleans up after them. The mom who worked two jobs to put a roof over their head for years. The one who raised them by herself for years before their dad was finally tracked down after the 4th try by the private investigators to be served to go to cs court. The one who held and comforted my kids when they would cry and cry because their dad wouldn't come around for months at a time.

I am sure some of you will tell me I am just bitter for the way my ex was in the past. Yes I am very much. It does bug me that he makes himself seem like mr perfect now and that is what his gf thinks he really is. But at the same time I am very glad that he has someone who makes him step up and be a dad. I just am bugged that it is made to seem like I am some absentee mother for the sake of their facade of the perfect happy family on fb and seemingly off of fb as well. My DH and I are the real parents. We are actually raising them. DH helped me support the kids for a couple years before their dad started helping, Which was just about 4 months ago.

I feel like I am more annoyed than I should be. I am always thinking of how happy I am that my kids have 4 adults in their lives who love and care for them. And very grateful that we all get along so well now. I am always gushing about how much I like this girl and how much the kids like her and that ex better not mess it up with her. But I can't help but to be bugged by this. I am thinking maybe it would be best to just not be fb friends but how do I go about deleting her without it seeming like an insult or a snub to her? I would have rather just been oblivious to it really. Would yall be bugged? Would you delete her and just pretend she wasn't doing that? Am I weird to feel annoyed by this? The last thing I want is to create tension between us all. But I really just don't want to see it everytime I go on fb. I feel like it will lead me to not be so friendly with her. So now I just feel stuck. Even if I do delete her I will know that this crap is going on. And yes, I know that I shouldn't care because I know I am their mom and I know the truth but it still is getting to me. Sorry, just can't help it.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:34 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MrsWhite101610
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this
I'd be mad personally. And I'd probably leave a comment on her Facebook pictures of MY kids saying something like looks like x and y had fun on their visit last weekend. Or next weekend when x and y come to visit do yous have plans?

But I think it should definitely be addressed. She's not step mommy even, she's a girlfriend.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:47 AM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:47 AM
8 moms liked this
You can unfollow her without unfriending her. I would also start being so friendly and tagging her every day with pictures of you and the kids doing fun stuff. So her friends can see the kids ;) otherwise proving mommy is in the picture.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:47 AM
That needs addressed. She's not mommy and it needs to be known. I would be offended and pissed if I were in your shoes.
firespurity
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:52 AM
5 moms liked this
I'd do this.. Also she's only 19, in her young mind she probably thinks what she's doing is everything. Lol

She's only 19, like a baby adult.


Quoting Anonymous: You can unfollow her without unfriending her. I would also start being so friendly and tagging her every day with pictures of you and the kids doing fun stuff. So her friends can see the kids ;) otherwise proving mommy is in the picture.
MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:55 AM
That would bother me too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:58 AM

This has actually pretty much been my approach. But it also feels kind of silly and so passive aggressive. Like we're in some kind of pic war to prove ourselves which makes it seem even worse because I know it is ridiculous and I don't need to prove myself. And even if I unfollowed I would still end up going through her feed because it is no longer private and I can. Temptation is a bitch. lol 

I'm just kind of glad that I am not just being stupid about it and getting butt hurt when I shouldn't be. I'll just go about living my life how I always have but I just hope I can keep my anger towards the situation in check. It is more important to me to maintain a healthy relationship between the four of us for the sake of the kids than to confront her about it and cause tension. This is really the first time in years that I am happy with the way things are between me and my ex. He always made everything so difficult. And she really is the reason for that because she has kind of been the middle man. Which is really actually pathetic on his part but better than him just yelling at me and calling me a bitch for even the most innocent of questions like when is he picking them up. Which isn't even exaggerating. He really was that much of an ass to me. lol

Quoting Anonymous: You can unfollow her without unfriending her. I would also start being so friendly and tagging her every day with pictures of you and the kids doing fun stuff. So her friends can see the kids ;) otherwise proving mommy is in the picture.


got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Yep. I'd do the daily pic upload and tag. I'd also post on the weekends they have the kids stuff like "hope y'all are having an awesome weekend, can't wait to hear how much fun the kids had." I'd also gush stuff on her wall "im so glad you have gotten to be a part of the kids lives, they've really come so far with their dad in the last year and I really think you deserve the credit for that. as a mom, there's no better feeling than my kids being loved by so many. just wanted to let you know I value you as a friend and an important part of my kids lives! Looking forward to many more years of blissful co-parenting!! :))"

But then again I can be a really passive aggressive snarky bitch when I want to soooo.......

Quoting Anonymous: You can unfollow her without unfriending her. I would also start being so friendly and tagging her every day with pictures of you and the kids doing fun stuff. So her friends can see the kids ;) otherwise proving mommy is in the picture.
mantyangel
by Platinum Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:01 AM

It would annoy me, but she is young and immature and may not realize how it it coming across.  I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now.  I probably would start making "friendly" informative comments on her posts like "The kids really enjoyed their weekend with you and look forward to seeing you again in 2weeks"  Just because I'm that way lol.  If she continues to try and make it look like she is the main parent though, I would address it with her.

tnt1014
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:03 AM
I would do what the others suggested. Tag her in pictures of photos of you and the children, statuses along the lines of "the kids had a fun weekend with you and their dad. They are excited to come back on their next visit weekend"

My cousin does the same thing only the situation is a bit reversed, my husband and I have full custody of her 4 and 6 year old. They've been with us 3 years now. She stalks my page and takes pictures I have of all the kids but crops my big kids out so it's only the girls and reposts them....sure you haven't seen your kids in 6 months but,by all means, take my pictures and use them to pretend you're mother of the year! The worst part is she likes to block me and then unbock me long enough to stalk my page.

I understand your frustration!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)