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The one I really loved...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

I was 18 and had just graduated high school and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. 

He called me from a mutual friend who thought we would go well together and this friend was soooo right. I fell in love immediately! We moved in together and decided to have a baby. 

We got pregnant within a month and things were perfect! At the first ultrasound we found out it was twins! It was amazing, we were on cloud nine! At the next ultrasound things started going down hill, something was wrong with one of the babies and my pap came back abnormal and they wanted to run more tests.

The next appointment a week later was one of the worst days of my life. I was 20 weeks and found out I had cancer in my left ovary and my cervix, as well as the twins were not doing well at all they had something called twin to twin transfusion syndrome. We chose to go ahead and find out the sex that day anyways it was a little boy and a little girl. They scheduled me to come back the next week and discuss more of my options.

When we left things were so different already. We were so young and I was dying and our babies were too. We fought nonstop that week.

The next appointment went even worse, the boy was growing and doing "ok" but the girl was really far behind and they were wanting to start radiation on me and to abort both babies. I couldnt do it. I could not lose them without even trying to save them! 

They put me in the hospital and began treatments on me and let me stay pregnant. 

We were seperated for the first time since we got together and things started to crumble. We could not handle the stress of what had been handed to us. He quit coming up to the hospital every day and we started talking less and less. I was still madly in love with him but knew I was losing him.

32weeks pregnant. My little girl grew her wings. They could not take her out because it would risk the little boys life too. He never came to the hospital.

34 weeks pregnant. I started to crash. My body was failing me and my little boy. They had to get the twins out. The father came to the hospital. Both babies were born without a heartbeat. The Doctors were able to save my little boy. He was born weighing 3lbs 8oz, my little girl weighed 15.4oz. 

I was kept in the hospital for a while to make sure everything was ok with the cancer and with my little boy. 

One month post partum I was diagnosed as being in remission and my little boy was allowed to go home with me. That home was not at all where I thought it would be. I had not seen the father since the twins were born.

I went to my moms and never heard from the father again. 

Fast forward to today. I am a survivor, I have been in remission for 6 years. My little miracle baby is a healthy six year old little boy who is my everything. I am due anyday with my second son who is also fatherless. I am still completely in love with the father of the twins. 

Today is the fathers birthday and I am super emotional and needed to vent. thank you for reading. sorry its a mess.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:04 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Banana.Time
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:07 PM
I am so sorry :( I don't know how you could love someone who left you in your biggest time of need.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:10 PM

I dont either I have tried to not love him but cant seem to stop myself. I wish I could.

Quoting Banana.Time: I am so sorry :( I don't know how you could love someone who left you in your biggest time of need.


PogoPalOj
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:10 PM

 Bless your heart.  You are an amazingly strong woman.

ThisizShar
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:12 PM
That's an incredible story. He's not worth your pain. You're a surviver and an incredible one at that. Your selflessness is amazing.
the.B.karma
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:12 PM

I'm sorry for what you've gone through but time to pick up a few pieces huh? I can see being a little emotional for all of it, but of all the horrible and stupid things my sons father ever did to me, the minute our son was born and I saw he was no different then and around our son it was done. I no longer felt the way I did. my son was 100 percent first and foremost. I could never love a man who helps me create this amazing amazing miracle I had and didn't love and appreciate him 100 times as much as I did or even close. It killed me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:15 PM

Thank you.

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 Bless your heart.  You are an amazingly strong woman.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:16 PM

thank you

Quoting ThisizShar: That's an incredible story. He's not worth your pain. You're a surviver and an incredible one at that. Your selflessness is amazing.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:18 PM

that is a lot easier said than done. I have managed for six years to live with this pain it just is really hard today with the mix of it being the fathers birthday and me being 9 months pregnant I needed to vent. I have obviously moved on some considering I am pregnant and it is not his child but I do still love him. I always will.

Quoting the.B.karma:

I'm sorry for what you've gone through but time to pick up a few pieces huh? I can see being a little emotional for all of it, but of all the horrible and stupid things my sons father ever did to me, the minute our son was born and I saw he was no different then and around our son it was done. I no longer felt the way I did. my son was 100 percent first and foremost. I could never love a man who helps me create this amazing amazing miracle I had and didn't love and appreciate him 100 times as much as I did or even close. It killed me.


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