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Does anyone else have a reversal of gender roles in your relationship?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

My SO and I have often joked that I am a lesbian dating a woman with a penis, or that he is a gay man dating a man with a vagina...because I have so many masculine traits and I don't get along well with women who are at all feminine, and he has many feminine traits that he hides from his buddies (not that he acts effeminate or cross-dresses or speaks in a high register or is flamboyant, even in secret, unless that's part of himself that he has chosen not to share with me yet). 

He loves to cook and to make things pretty and to make people gifts with fabric. I am indifferent to all of these things.

He likes soft scarves with vibrant colors but doesn't wear them in public because it's dangerous to be a man with any "feminine" qualities where we live. I don't like scarves or clothing in general, I just want to be comfortable.

He is very in touch with his feelings and will say things like "I just need to feel validated" and "I just want to feel special" and "I want you to WANT to call me first." I am very introspective but not nearly as emotional as he is and I often get impatient with him. He is a great listener and makes other people feel validated, so all of my female people love him of course. But he's just so NEEDY sometimes.

He is much more of a family person than I am. I love my family with everything I have, but I am honestly just much more interested on a daily basis in my work. He is the one who reminds me that I need to be spending more time with our family. He also talks about having more children and literally uses the phrase "biological clock" about us as a unit, and says "twitch" when we see a cute baby or toddler.

Sometimes I just want to fuck. He gets mad if it doesn't feel loving and intimate enough for him, and he insists on cuddling after sex. 

He hides a lot of this from everyone else and has male friends (almost exclusively our neighbors), and they watch football and drink beer and mess around with cars and scratch their balls, which he enjoys some but says he mostly detests. He feels scared all the time that they are going to want to hurt or kill him because they can tell he's "different" so he feels it's necessary to stay on their good side.

So I think we're both adult enough to acknowledge that sexuality is a spectrum, which we have discussed a lot, and we're both okay with the way we fit and don't fit into our various gender roles. I sometimes resent not having a "manly man" though, which isn't really fair of me since I'm not an especially feminine woman. And I resent not being able to vent my frustrations with him to other people since I am kind of afraid to present the true nature of our relationship to my friends and family.

So is anyone else in a similar "type" of relationship?

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:35 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:50 PM

bump


stormborn
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:52 PM

Gender and sexuality are both spectrums, gender roles really need to go. What a sad and outdated social construct. 

InsaneDreamGirl
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:56 PM

I'm gender nuetral in most areas, I've never been girly, but I'm not really masculine. DF is very much manly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 13, 2014 at 5:00 PM
DH is more sensitive than me and likes to talk out his feelings. He's a better cook than me too but since I'm home I cook anyway.

I do a lot of yard work, clean gutters, have my own power tools and tend to be "boss" of the house.

It's whatever works for your family.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 13, 2014 at 5:07 PM
Nope. We have typical gender roles. Not to extremes but basics. We also teach are kids gender roles as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 1, 2014 at 1:59 PM

Your DH sounds wonderful! 

 

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