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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Another divorce story...Advice needed

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies

So this might be kind of long, I'll try to keep it short.

Dh and I are about to have our second anniversary on Sept. 8th. He turned 22 a month ago, I'm 19. Dd is 16months. He first cheated the week dd was born, he has done it 7 times since then. I just found the 7th tonight. He's in the army and I'm a sahm.

I can't take this anymore. I've been depressed since dd was born, was on meds for a few months but felt better so I stopped. My counselor was an old man who talked more than listened. He is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, which wasnt who he was before we got married... He lies and blames everything wrong on me. He ignores dd but I know he loves her. I stuck around this long because she loves him so much and I have to take her away, she won't see her daddy... I will have to move back in with my parents who live 10 hours away.

I'm just so scared. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no one to talk to about it because of how remote we are and I just made friends even though we've been here for a year. I'm so alone and just needed to vent. 

I dont know, any advice is welcome. I already posted in the military page asking if I can report him for adultery, but I dont know how to do any of this. He can't take care of dd, so advice about custody is welcome.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:28 AM
Please leave this asshole, he treats you like shit. Do you want you're daughter to see that and think it's ok for a man to treat her that way
LiliM
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:32 AM

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.

lalaballet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:36 AM
My husband was military the whole time I was with him except 1.5 months. I left with four kids. Pm me if you'd like. I'm with my parents now.
lalaballet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:37 AM
She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.

Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.

lalaballet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:39 AM
Also I'm in Texas and it is 60 days in the county before you file here. Good advice though. Visit victims assistance in your town first, if you can prove the abuse or will report it then you will have a faster divorce and a better shot at custody, op.

Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.

Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.

LiliM
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:39 AM

I wasn't sure if she could.  Knowing that, I'd just look in the phone book, plug their names into Google, and see what sort of reviews pop up.  And then go book a consult with like, 10 of them.  Just to see what they say.

Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.
Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.


"The tragedy of all losers is that they think they were on the verge of victory."         ~ Joe the Condor


lalaballet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:40 AM
Yep. And also legal aid in her area if she is broke.

Quoting LiliM:

I wasn't sure if she could.  Knowing that, I'd just look in the phone book, plug their names into Google, and see what sort of reviews pop up.  And then go book a consult with like, 10 of them.  Just to see what they say.

Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.

Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.

LiliM
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:41 AM

That's because Texas likes having jurisdiction, and then NEVER gives it up.  Both parties and the kid can move the hell away, and will have to fight with Texas to get the change of jurisdiction, LOL.  I've seen this with a couple of people.

Quoting lalaballet: Also I'm in Texas and it is 60 days in the county before you file here. Good advice though. Visit victims assistance in your town first, if you can prove the abuse or will report it then you will have a faster divorce and a better shot at custody, op.
Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.
Quoting LiliM:

"The tragedy of all losers is that they think they were on the verge of victory."         ~ Joe the Condor


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:42 AM

I'm in California. I'll try to report it. Thank you for the advice. I'll pm you tomorrow.

Quoting lalaballet: Also I'm in Texas and it is 60 days in the county before you file here. Good advice though. Visit victims assistance in your town first, if you can prove the abuse or will report it then you will have a faster divorce and a better shot at custody, op.
Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.
Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty.  I don't know if you can use the jag services, since you're not the military member.  The military ladies on here would know better.

Read the laws for divorce and custody in your state.  Just google "My State divorce custody guidelines" and the state site should pop up. 

Figure out what you want.  Do you want to move in with your parents? If so, then you need to look into moving, and filing in their state.  You generally have to be domiciled with the child in state for 6 months before filing.

Maybe tell H that you wish to move home for a bit, and set up an informal schedule for him to see DD.  I know how much my kids love my DH, and how much they missed him, even when little, when he was working abroad.

But go talk to an atty NOW, and start reading the guidelines for custody and divorce in your state, and your parents', if it's different.  You should be able to get an idea of what's possible from the atty.  Talk to several.  See if they are on the same page. Most will offer a free consultation.  Tell them, after the consult, that you need to think about it. Don't sign anything.

There are some custody focused groups on here.  Those might be a good place to start as well.


LiliM
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:43 AM

It's worth a shot, but I've heard a lot of disappointing things about legal aid over the past year.  They don't do custody, or they are too backed up - things like that. 

OP, if you reported the abuse, lalab is right.  The case will be something that legal aid would be more willing to take on (IIRC) and it will allow for you to file, with a legal leg to stand on, for an emergency hearing and get on the docket before the end of the year.

Quoting lalaballet: Yep. And also legal aid in her area if she is broke.
Quoting LiliM:

I wasn't sure if she could.  Knowing that, I'd just look in the phone book, plug their names into Google, and see what sort of reviews pop up.  And then go book a consult with like, 10 of them.  Just to see what they say.

Quoting lalaballet: She could but she would only get a list of lawyers as they don't deal with cases that involve kids.
Quoting LiliM:

Go see an atty. 

"The tragedy of all losers is that they think they were on the verge of victory."         ~ Joe the Condor


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