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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you have been cheated on

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
If you have been cheated on and decided to work things out did you ever have feelings like your SO's problems were no longer your own, like you no longer had the desire to help him with his problems (financial, family, etc)? If you had those feelings were you able to work past them?
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:25 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:27 PM
Wasn't able to work past our issues. He proved the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. For himself anyway. ..I dont believe it to be true for all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:31 PM
I'm sorry about that. While I'm sure you're in a better place now since splitting up for good it's still a crappy situation.



Quoting Anonymous: Wasn't able to work past our issues. He proved the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. For himself anyway. ..I dont believe it to be true for all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:31 PM
Yes,... sort of.

After he cheated I started counseling and learned I am highly co-dependent- I make other people's problems my problems but to a ridiculous level to the point it dictates how I'm feeling.

I realized I needed to let his problems be his own and the easiest way for me to do that was to let them ALL go.

Idk if that helps at all
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:41 PM
Actually this really does help. My best friend is or rather was a lot how you described yourself.

Prior to him cheating she was a stay at home wife, they have no children of their own, but he does have a son. She offered to stay home to make visitation easier on her husband. She went above and beyond to help her husband with getting visitation with his son (used her savings to pay for legal fees, collected information and filled out paperwork). She just went the whole 9 for him in every aspect prior to. When he cheated they split up and she started counseling, began working, taking more classes to earn her degree, etc. Essentially started paying attention to herself and her well being. Now that they've gotten back together her knee jerk reaction is she just doesn't feel like his problems are hers and she no longer has the desire to help him with things. It seems every time a problem of his comes to light she remembers how things were before and what he did, and she feels she'll never be the same and their marriage never will. She's let a lot go, as far as his problems, but recently found out he needs back surgery. She said she feels horrible, but all she can think is how is this her problem, why is she going to have to sit down and figure out a way to pay for bills now?

How are you two now?


Quoting Anonymous: Yes,... sort of.

After he cheated I started counseling and learned I am highly co-dependent- I make other people's problems my problems but to a ridiculous level to the point it dictates how I'm feeling.

I realized I needed to let his problems be his own and the easiest way for me to do that was to let them ALL go.

Idk if that helps at all
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:53 PM
Basically the same situation. I was a stay at home mom of 4 (2 of which were his from a previous relationship), gave up so much to make everything perfect and easy for him since he was the one working.

It's been about 9 months since I learned about the cheating. We separated for 4 of those, so he's been here for the past 5 months. I'm not going to lie. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I feel like it's really important to TRY and work through this. We both have our bad days, and we have our days that feel like old times. Trust is hard to earn back once it's gone. Right now I'm trying to focus on myself and my needs that have been mostly ignored for 8 years. Sure, I will offer my opinion if he asks for it, but he's an adult and he can handle his problems on his own.

Quoting Anonymous: Actually this really does help. My best friend is or rather was a lot how you described yourself.

Prior to him cheating she was a stay at home wife, they have no children of their own, but he does have a son. She offered to stay home to make visitation easier on her husband. She went above and beyond to help her husband with getting visitation with his son (used her savings to pay for legal fees, collected information and filled out paperwork). She just went the whole 9 for him in every aspect prior to. When he cheated they split up and she started counseling, began working, taking more classes to earn her degree, etc. Essentially started paying attention to herself and her well being. Now that they've gotten back together her knee jerk reaction is she just doesn't feel like his problems are hers and she no longer has the desire to help him with things. It seems every time a problem of his comes to light she remembers how things were before and what he did, and she feels she'll never be the same and their marriage never will. She's let a lot go, as far as his problems, but recently found out he needs back surgery. She said she feels horrible, but all she can think is how is this her problem, why is she going to have to sit down and figure out a way to pay for bills now?

How are you two now?


Quoting Anonymous: Yes,... sort of.

After he cheated I started counseling and learned I am highly co-dependent- I make other people's problems my problems but to a ridiculous level to the point it dictates how I'm feeling.

I realized I needed to let his problems be his own and the easiest way for me to do that was to let them ALL go.

Idk if that helps at all
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 15, 2014 at 11:07 PM
Well I commend you for your strength. I only know what it's like second hand, and that isn't enough for me to say I know what it's really like. I truly hope that you two are able to overcome and build solid trust again.

Quoting Anonymous: Basically the same situation. I was a stay at home mom of 4 (2 of which were his from a previous relationship), gave up so much to make everything perfect and easy for him since he was the one working.

It's been about 9 months since I learned about the cheating. We separated for 4 of those, so he's been here for the past 5 months. I'm not going to lie. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I feel like it's really important to TRY and work through this. We both have our bad days, and we have our days that feel like old times. Trust is hard to earn back once it's gone. Right now I'm trying to focus on myself and my needs that have been mostly ignored for 8 years. Sure, I will offer my opinion if he asks for it, but he's an adult and he can handle his problems on his own.

Quoting Anonymous: Actually this really does help. My best friend is or rather was a lot how you described yourself.

Prior to him cheating she was a stay at home wife, they have no children of their own, but he does have a son. She offered to stay home to make visitation easier on her husband. She went above and beyond to help her husband with getting visitation with his son (used her savings to pay for legal fees, collected information and filled out paperwork). She just went the whole 9 for him in every aspect prior to. When he cheated they split up and she started counseling, began working, taking more classes to earn her degree, etc. Essentially started paying attention to herself and her well being. Now that they've gotten back together her knee jerk reaction is she just doesn't feel like his problems are hers and she no longer has the desire to help him with things. It seems every time a problem of his comes to light she remembers how things were before and what he did, and she feels she'll never be the same and their marriage never will. She's let a lot go, as far as his problems, but recently found out he needs back surgery. She said she feels horrible, but all she can think is how is this her problem, why is she going to have to sit down and figure out a way to pay for bills now?

How are you two now?


Quoting Anonymous: Yes,... sort of.

After he cheated I started counseling and learned I am highly co-dependent- I make other people's problems my problems but to a ridiculous level to the point it dictates how I'm feeling.

I realized I needed to let his problems be his own and the easiest way for me to do that was to let them ALL go.

Idk if that helps at all
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