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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I tell him I want a relationship...in the future?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies
I'm a single mom. I've been seeing this guy since May and I've really grown to care for him.

For a month starting in July, he let his sons mother move In to his house in hopes of making the relationship work again. But all the while she was just using him for a place to stay (since her ex kicked her out) just to leave him for another guy when she got back on her feet. He found this out Friday and kicked her out. She was there from July 13 to August 15.

They never had sex as she told him her period was on the whole time...(lies of course) and told him on Friday before he kicked her out that she's single and they're in a "committed friendship".

The whole time she was there he made sure to keep in contact with me which i appreciated. As a single mom who's never had help from the father, I really admired him for wanting to make the relationship work for his son....even though it hurt to be put on the back burner for a while.

Anyway, I really care for this guy and I feel myself slowly falling in love with him. However now that she has come back and hurt him all over again, he is on this defensive "I'm scared to get hurt again" "it's only me and my son" point. He was telling me this while I'm laying in bed next to him after spending the night together for the first time in a month. :(

I'm not sure if I'm just a temporary person in his life until he finds someone he REALLY wants to be with. I'm not sure if he's just scared I'll hurt him.

But how do I (or should I even) tell him that I want a relationship in the future? That I want to be working toward something and not just a placeholder?

Or is telling him that pushy?



Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rfhsure
by beast mode on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:05 PM
3 moms liked this
If he was really invested in you he wouldn't have let her back in the first place. I think you should move on and find someone who respects you more.
AnHpuresugar
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this
You are a placeholder. Break it off and find someone that wants YOU. If he wanted to be with you, he would have chosen you. He didn't.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:07 PM

you have known him for 3 months, out of those 3 months for 1 month he was trying to work it out with his ex.

you are nothing but a rebound. why cant you just let it be and take a day at a time?

Hubris_Huntsman
by Platinum Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:08 PM
Are you really OK being his fallback? He'd be with his ex right now if she had wanted him.
ElleLuvsOrchids
by on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:11 PM
2 moms liked this

 It sounds like you're hanging out and hooking up with him instead of dating him and making him court you.  Men don't usually invest in women that are easy.  Men are wired to chase.  If you are too easy and he therefore does not have to chase you (aka court you) he won't ever and he won't have that special feeling that he had to woo and win you to make you his wife.  Dump him and if he comes back to woo you, then you may have something to build upon, otherwise, you're just his friends with benefits gal, not his girlfriend or fiance or future anything.  Make him step it up to be with you.  He already brushed you aside to let his ex back into his life, so he is already sending you the "he's just not that into you" red flag.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:14 PM
Thank you for the advice! I will try that!

Quoting ElleLuvsOrchids:

 It sounds like you're hanging out and hooking up with him instead of dating him and making him court you.  Men don't usually invest in women that are easy.  Men are wired to chase.  If you are too easy and he therefore does not have to chase you (aka court you) he won't ever and he won't have that special feeling that he had to woo and win you to make you his wife.  Dump him and if he comes back to woo you then you may have something to build upon, otherwise, you just his friends with benefits gal not the love of his life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:15 PM
I know. I know I'm second choice.

Quoting Hubris_Huntsman: Are you really OK being his fallback? He'd be with his ex right now if she had wanted him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:16 PM
Yeah it's bad because he was trying to keep me around the same time he was trying to work things out but she really wasn't interested in working things out.

Quoting Anonymous:

you have known him for 3 months, out of those 3 months for 1 month he was trying to work it out with his ex.

you are nothing but a rebound. why cant you just let it be and take a day at a time?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:17 PM
What should I say to dump him? Just say I'm not interested anymore?

Quoting ElleLuvsOrchids:

 It sounds like you're hanging out and hooking up with him instead of dating him and making him court you.  Men don't usually invest in women that are easy.  Men are wired to chase.  If you are too easy and he therefore does not have to chase you (aka court you) he won't ever and he won't have that special feeling that he had to woo and win you to make you his wife.  Dump him and if he comes back to woo you, then you may have something to build upon, otherwise, you're just his friends with benefits gal, not his girlfriend or fiance or future anything.  Make him step it up to be with you.  He already brushed you aside to let his ex back into his life, so he is already sending you the "he's just not that into you" red flag.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:17 PM
You're right. :(

Quoting AnHpuresugar: You are a placeholder. Break it off and find someone that wants YOU. If he wanted to be with you, he would have chosen you. He didn't.
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