So I told DH I was a bit tired (i'm 7 months pregnant) and was going to go lay down for a bit. I went into our bedroom, shut the door and then went to use the bathroom. Within the two minutes I was in there DH crept into our room and fell asleep while snoring loudly.
I would've laid down too but DS (6) is still up and needs to eat dinner soon.
My DH is a fucking nap thief! So for the last hour whenever I've needed to fart I walked into the room and fart inches away from his face. I'm pretty gassy right now so it's been 10 times so far. Well this last time wasn't a silent one and he woke up with my ass in his face and a terrible smell.
He burst into laughter and said, "haha this means war".
I slightly afraid of whats to come lol.
So I was out back (we don't have close neighbors) watching the dogs while talking to my sister. All of a sudden I feel warmth on my leg. DH peed on me!! He then fell over laughing and said "paybacks a bitch".
Now I have to come up with something equally as gross and dick:/
After much thought and preperation DH woke up to a nice ice water bath in bed. It took him a few seconds to go from "what the fuck?!" to laughing. Then he said, "you just wait darlin, you have know idea what you've started".
I have to admit that's a bit more terrifying then his first threat lol.