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Husband's pay was cut because he cheated

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:45 AM
  • 23 Replies

Sara Rutledge thought she was in love with her boyfriend, so they decided to marry. The financial benefits they'd receive from the American military -- his employer -- were just the icing on the cake. But when Sara found out within one day of their nuptials that her husband had been having an affair, she was forced to make the choice between staying with him -- and financial security -- or leaving him, and facing the military's punishment for philandering -- a pay cut.

Rutledge joined HuffPost Live on Thursday (using a pseudonym) to tell her story.

Having a significant other serving in the military requires a level of selflessness. One has to be prepared to travel often, and, if necessary, leave loved ones and a home behind. In turn, the military offers incentives, like larger housing allowances, to married couples in an effort to make the sacrifices worth it, according to Sara.

"A lot of people in the military do get married because of the financial benefits," she told host Nancy Redd. "It just makes sense. If they were thinking of getting married, they're just like, 'Why don't we go ahead and do it?' because you can almost double your paycheck. ... So if you're gonna make more and you're already kind of in love, why not get married? I know it sounds terrible, but it's true."

But that wasn't the case with Sara, who'd been dating her boyfriend for "longer than most married military couples had known each other." So she was shocked when she found out "within 24 hours" of their wedding day that her husband had been cheating on her with his "battle buddy's" wife, whom she knew well.

In spite of being "furious," Sara felt pressured to ignore the information so as to not compromise the "financial security" of her home and her husband's unit.

"When I found out, I had this moral conundrum of: Should I even tell my husband?" she described. "These are soldiers who have been deployed together multiple times. ... So in a sense not only am I risking messing up the dynamics of this unit that needs to function as one –- like an army of one when they’re deployed and when they're together –- but I'm also risking the financial security of my house."

She knew revealing the information would mean her "ex-husband would be risking being demoted severely," but she felt she had no other choice. In turn, the family "did lose a significant part" of their pay check.

The pay cut would not have normally occurred, according to Sara, but was a function of her husband "fraternizing with another man's wife," which is considered a punishable offense.

Sarah also debated whether or not to tell the man whose wife her husband was having an affair with, knowing how it would affect both her family and his. She came to the conclusion that, as a "man who served our country," he had a right to know, and told him online, only to get no response. But once she and her husband arrived back from their honeymoon, it was clear he had received the message.

"[He] told the superior officers and sergeants in charge, and ... when my ex-husband got back, he admitted to all those, and as punishment, they cut part of his paycheck," she said.

But the other soldier and his unfaithful wife didn't experience the same fate. Because his wife does not work for the military, she was not subject to any disciplinary action.

"This man and his wife did not receive any punishment," Sarah said. "They are still married, actually."


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/22/military-marriages_n_5698547.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

There's a video at the link as well.

by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Elle.tea.22
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:48 AM
Ok?
Bellarose0212
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:51 AM

I think she may be upset that she also lost money due to her husband cheating? She notes that the other couple didn't get a pay cut.

Quoting Elle.tea.22: Ok?


lacyleanne
by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:54 AM

Just my opinion and people may not agree, but I think marital problems need to stay between the married couple and wives shouldn't be running to their husbands command. Unless the spouse is in harms way,  she needs to keep their business between them.

In this situation, she did tell the other spouse and he told. He should have dealt with his wife, not go tattling on the other guy. But oh well, what's done is done.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:56 AM
Getting married if you're military has a lot of benefits vs being single? Is that why you see so many really young military spouses? I always wondered why they seem to get married so young.
cdjd23
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:08 AM
1 mom liked this
The cheating wife also didn't break a code like the cheating husband. The military has the UCMJ so there are clear cut rules and when you enlist you tie yourself to those rules. It's no different than a business with an employee manual, if you break a rule you are subject to the consequence that follows.

Quoting Bellarose0212:

I think she may be upset that she also lost money due to her husband cheating? She notes that the other couple didn't get a pay cut.

Quoting Elle.tea.22: Ok?

cdjd23
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:12 AM
I agree that marital problems should stay in the marriage however a person who is supposed to have his back betrayed his trust and that's not someone you want next to you in the heat of the moment. You could liken it to telling your best friend a secret in confidence and then finding out they told a bunch of people, the trust is gone and who really wants to stand by that person after that.

Quoting lacyleanne:

Just my opinion and people may not agree, but I think marital problems need to stay between the married couple and wives shouldn't be running to their husbands command. Unless the spouse is in harms way,  she needs to keep their business between them.

In this situation, she did tell the other spouse and he told. He should have dealt with his wife, not go tattling on the other guy. But oh well, what's done is done.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:13 AM
I don't see why they would cut the other guys pay since he was innocent to it all. Seems irrelevant, yeah she got punished by default but it's really her husband who it was aimed at.

I just wonder how much of a pay cut it was.
elzmnsf
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:22 AM
And? He knew the possible consequences. Dh was navy and we all knew that. They won't punish the battle buddy, he didn't do anything wrong. His wife is a bitch and doesn't work for the military, they have no control over her. He is a pig who the military owns, yes I said owns, their property, while their employee. He knew that is what could happen, it did. So? I am sorry her dh is a cad and she was punished indirectly by the consequences but he's the only one to blame.
Bellarose0212
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:33 AM

It's interesting.

Do you all think a pay cut for cheating would ever be appropriate in any other fields?

I'm not in a military family so this is the first I am hearing of this policy.

lacyleanne
by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:34 AM
I agree the trust is gone but I still think they should deal with it at home or between each other. I have seen this exact scenario when I was in the military only difference is they dealt with it among themselves. They didn't run to the command. As it should be.

Quoting cdjd23: I agree that marital problems should stay in the marriage however a person who is supposed to have his back betrayed his trust and that's not someone you want next to you in the heat of the moment. You could liken it to telling your best friend a secret in confidence and then finding out they told a bunch of people, the trust is gone and who really wants to stand by that person after that.

Quoting lacyleanne:

Just my opinion and people may not agree, but I think marital problems need to stay between the married couple and wives shouldn't be running to their husbands command. Unless the spouse is in harms way,  she needs to keep their business between them.

In this situation, she did tell the other spouse and he told. He should have dealt with his wife, not go tattling on the other guy. But oh well, what's done is done.

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