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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Update on my daughter having alcohol at her wedding. Not good :(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 1051 Replies
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http://mobile.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/20043075/Really_annoyed_with_my_daughters_plan_to_have_alcohol_at_her_wedding_causing_a_fight

My original post is there. Essentially, after meeting with my husbands sponsor and therapist, we decided going to the wedding wasn't a good idea. We wanted to tell her now so she didn't feel like we we're springing it on her and so if she wanted to change anything she could

We asked her to come over and she did. We told her that we love her, but because her father is so new to his sobriety, going to a vineyard couldn't happen because it could hinder his recovery. We said we'd like to take then out to dinner to celebrate afterwards instead.

She just teared up and said "if you don't come to my wedding, you're dead to me. He's been a selfish prick with his drinking his entire life, he's always put himself and his problems ahead of everyone else, and now he's still just as selfish when he's not a drunk" and about me " you're just as much of an enabler" and went off about how much she hates him for his drinking and how much she blames me for . We tried to get her to calm down but she stormed out and drove home crying and upset.

My DH was almost suicidal that night, I had to take him to his sponsors house, he didn't leave there til the next morning. I called her and she basically said she hates him and she'll never forgive us if we can't put her ahead of his problems this one time.

I don't even know what to do anymore. My husband has been sober and healthy longer than almost all his rehab attempts and if he doesn't feel comfortable there I don't want to threaten that. But I can't even imagine loosing my daughter. I'm heartbroken and I want to go to family therapy but she's refused so far when Ive brought it up.

I know lots of mamas have heartfelt advice and I wanted to provide an update even though it's not a happy one.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Elegy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:04 AM
48 moms liked this

Why can't you go alone?

firespurity
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:05 AM
2 moms liked this
Why can't you go without him?
QueenBof6
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
2 moms liked this
You should at least be going.

Nicoleb9
by Emerald Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
74 moms liked this
She's tired of his issue being visited on her.

I would be, too.

No, I'm not interested in being a martyr for a drunk and I don't care about what others think that makes me.
JJJMommyKris
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
2 moms liked this
Why don't you go alone?
ouchienurse
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
124 moms liked this
Your daughter is right, on all counts. If he can't go to his own daughters wedding and not have a drink that's on him. The fact that he can't give her a few hours of his life proves how selfish he is and probably has been her whole life. I agree that you're just as bad for letting him get away with it. If it was my daughter he'd suck it up and go. Call his sponsor after or whatever but I'd be at the wedding
SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Your daughter is very hurt, you should at least go.

erin708
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM
42 moms liked this
Go to the ceremony and leave before the reception. I see that as a compromise.
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Rebecca7708
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM
2 moms liked this
Go without him.
EarlGrayHot
by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM
2 moms liked this

From her point of view, he is a selfish jerk after letting his drinking take over his life to the point of ignoring her.  Can't he keep himself from drinking for a few hours?  THere are surely other drinks available.

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