I am about 12 weeks pregnant. This is my third pregnancy and once again, it wasn't planned. Dh and I have been having issues in our marriage for about 3 years now and they have gotten better in some ways and worse in others. I didn't want to have another baby just yet. I wanted to wait until we were a lot more finacially stable and our marriage was on better terms. Plus, I was wanting to get into the military.
Now, I can't get excited about the pregnancy at all. I find myself hating Dh for this. I know its not his fault. Things like this happen all the time. I just feel bad that I kept hoping for a miscarrage because I can't get an abortion(wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally). I find myself getting a bit excited then something reminds me of our circumstances and ruins it.
I didn't want to have more children with a man who always made excuses why he couldn't get a job. Never wants to move from the family property and get our own place. I just want to be happy but feel like that will never happen now that we are having another baby. I was all set to leave him and move on with my life. This always happens.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? I am thinking about talking to my therapist about this soon.