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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm pregnant and can't get excited about it

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 80 Replies

I am about 12 weeks pregnant. This is my third pregnancy and once again, it wasn't planned. Dh and I have been having issues in our marriage for about 3 years now and they have gotten better in some ways and worse in others. I didn't want to have another baby just yet. I wanted to wait until we were a lot more finacially stable and our marriage was on better terms. Plus, I was wanting to get into the military. 

Now, I can't get excited about the pregnancy at all. I find myself hating Dh for this. I know its not his fault. Things like this happen all the time. I just feel bad that I kept hoping for a miscarrage because I can't get an abortion(wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally). I find myself getting a bit excited then something reminds me of our circumstances and ruins it.

I didn't want to have more children with a man who always made excuses why he couldn't get a job. Never wants to move from the family property and get our own place. I just want to be happy but feel like that will never happen now that we are having another baby. I was all set to leave him and move on with my life. This always happens.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I am thinking about talking to my therapist about this soon. 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
booaura
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this
No, you aren't. It's not uncommon, though it's rarely talked about. I feel the same. I'm 25 weeks with twins, and not excited, or happy. It wasn't planned. I do have a therapist, and she says it's common, and has no barring on how the mother feels after delivery. Right now, it's hard to feel anything but anger or resentment. This pregnancy has made me sicker than I've ever been in my life, has made me miss over a month of my youngest child's life, and has done nothing but cause issues. We considered abortion, but ended up deciding against it, and I've regretted that more than once. I hoped for a miscarriage, but despite everything, they're growing on track.
You can still leave your husband.
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xoch86
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't see why you can't move on? I mean, you are clearly the breadwinner.. And sure, it will be hard.. But if u have a plan in place, stick to it. be happy that you're pregnant, let this baby be your motivator to leave.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:23 PM
What are you going to do when the babies come? You have a lot of resentment, and once they are here you will be overwhelmed what if you can't let go of that?

Quoting booaura: No, you aren't. It's not uncommon, though it's rarely talked about. I feel the same. I'm 25 weeks with twins, and not excited, or happy. It wasn't planned. I do have a therapist, and she says it's common, and has no barring on how the mother feels after delivery. Right now, it's hard to feel anything but anger or resentment. This pregnancy has made me sicker than I've ever been in my life, has made me miss over a month of my youngest child's life, and has done nothing but cause issues. We considered abortion, but ended up deciding against it, and I've regretted that more than once. I hoped for a miscarriage, but despite everything, they're growing on track. You can still leave your husband.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:28 PM

I have always been the breadwinner in this marriage. I haven't been happy in a long time. I have a plan but it will take longer to do it and I hate it. I wanted to do military but being a single parent I can only have so many children. I knew I could do it with two children. I am not so sure with three. If I can't then he has ruined everything. I have always wanted to do military and if I can't do it then I will feel like a complete failure.

Quoting xoch86:

I don't see why you can't move on? I mean, you are clearly the breadwinner.. And sure, it will be hard.. But if u have a plan in place, stick to it. be happy that you're pregnant, let this baby be your motivator to leave.


booaura
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this
We'll adjust and make it work. There is no other option.

Quoting Anonymous 2: What are you going to do when the babies come? You have a lot of resentment, and once they are here you will be overwhelmed what if you can't let go of that?

Quoting booaura: No, you aren't. It's not uncommon, though it's rarely talked about. I feel the same. I'm 25 weeks with twins, and not excited, or happy. It wasn't planned. I do have a therapist, and she says it's common, and has no barring on how the mother feels after delivery. Right now, it's hard to feel anything but anger or resentment. This pregnancy has made me sicker than I've ever been in my life, has made me miss over a month of my youngest child's life, and has done nothing but cause issues. We considered abortion, but ended up deciding against it, and I've regretted that more than once. I hoped for a miscarriage, but despite everything, they're growing on track. You can still leave your husband.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:33 PM

I still plan on leaving him. I agree that I have felt sicker this pregnancy than any other. I hate it. I was just getting control back into my life and now it is chaos. I honestly still find myself hoping for a miscarrage or some form of complication where the baby doesn't make it. Then I feel bad that I had the thought in my head.

Quoting booaura: No, you aren't. It's not uncommon, though it's rarely talked about. I feel the same. I'm 25 weeks with twins, and not excited, or happy. It wasn't planned. I do have a therapist, and she says it's common, and has no barring on how the mother feels after delivery. Right now, it's hard to feel anything but anger or resentment. This pregnancy has made me sicker than I've ever been in my life, has made me miss over a month of my youngest child's life, and has done nothing but cause issues. We considered abortion, but ended up deciding against it, and I've regretted that more than once. I hoped for a miscarriage, but despite everything, they're growing on track. You can still leave your husband.


xoch86
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:56 PM
2 moms liked this

He didn't ruin anything, you thinking that way is only making your resentment for him grow. You both are responsible for having sex, and you most of all are responsible for your own body's preventative.. 

Step one, find out whether or not you can still join.. I assume he will be the one taking custody of the children if you do? If you can still join, all this worry is for nothing, your plan is still in place..

lf not, it time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and start saving as much as you can(in cash hidden from your husband). Look for well priced apartments, file for divorce, and leave. The money you saved will keep you up until u can go back to work.. And then be happy! Just becuase plan A didn't work out, doesn't mean plan B won't..

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I have always been the breadwinner in this marriage. I haven't been happy in a long time. I have a plan but it will take longer to do it and I hate it. I wanted to do military but being a single parent I can only have so many children. I knew I could do it with two children. I am not so sure with three. If I can't then he has ruined everything. I have always wanted to do military and if I can't do it then I will feel like a complete failure.

Quoting xoch86:

I don't see why you can't move on? I mean, you are clearly the breadwinner.. And sure, it will be hard.. But if u have a plan in place, stick to it. be happy that you're pregnant, let this baby be your motivator to leave.



EAzizM
by Erica on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:57 PM
2 moms liked this
So...why didn't you prevent? *waits for shit ton of excuses as to why you don't take charge for your reproductive organs*
JulyBabies
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 6:59 PM

I feel sorry that you are in this position but if I read this correctly, this is your third unplanned pregnancy with him...what's going on there?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 29, 2014 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I had some of those feelings when I was pregnant too, but after my dd was born they just evaporated and I fell in total love with her! I hope you find the strength to do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy, whether it's leaving your husband or making it work. Good luck, mama. You're not alone.
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