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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My confession: I've been hiding debt and bills from my husband***Updated with DH's response****

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 221 Replies
11 moms liked this

I just have to get this off my chest.  I've had so many sleepness nights over it.  DH has left me in charge of the finances over the past few years, and I've managed to accumulate about 10 grand in debt.  These are accounts in collections in both of our names.  Our savings is empty too.  He has no clue.  I hide the mail, and he's always been at work when the bill collectors call.   He works hard everyday,  earns a decent paycheck.  If I wasn't such an incompetent  avoidant asshole, it would be enough for a nice life for us and our kids.    I don't know how I screwed up this bad.  Me being a fuck up is the story of my life.  He deserves better.  He wanted to make an appointment with the bank to discuss buying our first house, and that can't happen.   I'm coming clean today.  Telling the truth about everything.  Wish me luck.  


Update:

I did it.  Last night,  I told him everything.  I waited until after we got the kids to bed.    It was hard to get started, but once I did it all just came out.   He was really quiet at first.  The first thing he said was that he was taking over the finances.  He told me he wanted all of my cards too, including my bank card.  Of course I said that was fine.  He remained very calm throughout this discussion.  It wasn't how I had imagined in my head at all.  I also told him that I had already started job hunting and I was willing to work full time until I had paid him back.  He said that me working was good idea and gave me a list of places he thought I should apply.  He told me that would take Monday off, so we could find a credit counsellor and that he wanted me to get all of the bills and anything I had on paper together by then.  

I told him I was sorry.  I wasted  his hard earned money and ruined his credit.  He told me to stop calling it HIS money, that it was ours.  It was our money and our credit, and everything he was working for and planning was for us.   I didn't just do it to him, but to myself and our kids.  He wanted to buy a house with a big yard for the children to play in.  He wanted to move closer to his work, so he wouldn't be away from us for so long due his long commute.  

Hearing that made me cry.   He asked me why, and I told him it was because I felt horrible for what I did and like I didn't deserve him.  He gave me a hug and told me not cry.  He said, "This is bad, but it's nothing to cry over.  It isn't like you murdered someone.  We can fix this."  Then we watched Under the Dome and had a few laughs together.  

I feel like a new person today.   The stress and anxiety of keeping that secret is gone.  I do realize that while my dh was very calm and understanding last night, I did damage my marriage.  I'm sure this has caused trust issues that will come up in the future.  I'm willing to work on that and do whatever it takes to earn that trust back.  I realize now more than ever how lucky I am to have this man in my life and as the father of my children.   I will do my best from now on to be the wife he deserves.  

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thenameshailie
by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:12 AM
Good luck
Ktkazblake
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:13 AM
Good luck
clligatoraoffee
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:14 AM

 Wow, I dont see this turning out pretty. but good luck

caustinb
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:16 AM
10 moms liked this
Tell the truth and try Dave Ramsey. People have climbed out of much more than 10k.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:18 AM

bump.

seximami111
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:20 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:21 AM
Good luck, I do know a cpl who made it through this, my ex-mil. Her dh controls the finances now and she gets an allowance.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:21 AM

I don't either.  I really think this might be the end of my marriage. 

Quoting clligatoraoffee:

 Wow, I dont see this turning out pretty. but good luck


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:23 AM

I am committing myself to being fully honest tonight.  It's gone on too long.  Thank you very much for the advice.  I am looking it up right now.  

Quoting caustinb: Tell the truth and try Dave Ramsey. People have climbed out of much more than 10k.


twinmommy27
by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 6:24 AM
Wow!! Good luck.
Dave Ramsey for sure.
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