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*update* im at a loss and dont know what to do anymore.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies
Lately my fiancé and i have been fighting over little things. Things that shouldnt bother either of us. For example he likes to have at least 2 fans on in the bedroom, a little one blowing right on him and a big one in the window. I had no problem with it when it was 80 degrees outside all night but now that the weather is getting colder it makes me shiver all night. Even when im wearing long pants, long sleeves, socks and wrapped up in my fleece blanket. He has also started to complain about me using my free time (while our dd is sleeping and hes playing video games) to scan old photos, trace my family history, or work on my homemade Halloween costume. Neither of us is happy anymore but we still love eachother. I want to work it out and try to save our relationship but he doesnt know if he wants to. He recently suggested we do a trial seperation between now and Halloween. We want to do whats best for our daughter but we also need to be happy. Staying together wouldnt be good for her if we are unhappy. I feel like he has given up and is just using the trial seperation to give me time to come to terms with it. I've been with him for almost 4 years now. When we first got together neither of us thought it would last a year but it did. I just dont know if i should keep fighting for him or give up. Any advice would be helpful.
*UPDATE* thanks to everyone that replied with advice. We talked tonight and decided to cut the trial short. The past week is the first time in a very long time that we havnt fought. We decided to end things. It was a mutual agreement and on good terms. We are staying friends. We agreed on a parenting plan (we both want to keep that out of courts). Both of us have divorced parents and didnt want to put our dd through a custody battle. I am going to write up the parenting plan and make a copy for both of us but im not sure what else to do there. We ended up laughing because we're in complete agreement over our dd but we argued over who got one of our 2 tvs (he eventually agreed to let me have the smaller tv which is the one i wanted). Now we just have to break the news to our families.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:22 PM

sounds like petty things that most couple argue about 

if you can't compromise over petty things i worry about bigger issues 


conweis
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:22 PM
Maybe suggest finding a similiar hobby to do together. But it takes two to make it work.
KenneMaw
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:22 PM

Maybe a bit of space would help and put things into perspective. I would definitely not make any wedding plans if you are both fighting.   Often, it is the little things that kill relationships.  If he is playing video games in his spare time, why does he care how you spend yours?   That is just odd to me.

KikiKia
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:23 PM

Counseling if he agrees to it.

KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:24 PM
1 mom liked this

I think he's giving you excuses.  Anyone that wants a trial separation is seeing someone on the side and justifying the infidelity.

spunky946
by Emerald Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:27 PM

He sounds like an ass.  

readyforhim
by Emerald Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:28 PM

he doesn't want to try, he is telling you how he feels. This will make it even harder for you because you want to stay but unless he changes you will not be able to make it work.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 23, 2014 at 1:43 PM
Hes not seeing anyone on the side unless he's secretly gay. I had a feeling at least one person would come up with that in this group.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I think he's giving you excuses.  Anyone that wants a trial separation is seeing someone on the side and justifying the infidelity.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 23, 2014 at 1:44 PM
That crossed my mind but we cant afford it.

Quoting KikiKia:

Counseling if he agrees to it.

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