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Anxiety and trust...feeling really hurt right now.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies

I have some pretty bad anxiety issues, that tie in with my ADHD. I do my best to handle it, but sometimes it gets really overwhelming.

 My husband really hurt me yesterday, and he doesn't understand the impact of what he did.

   I have a very low self esteem. There are a lot of reasons why, but it mainly comes from the fact that,within my family of origin, I was constantly told(by all but one family member) things like :

* I am not CAPABLE of making good decisions

* I will never do anything with my life.

* I have never and will never be successful at anything.


 This is just to name a few things.  

As a result, I am paranoid about how people perceive me. I don't feel safe being myself, and I feel like I have to figure out the person that they(whoever I am with) want me to be, and I do my best to be that.

 I don't have any friends. My life is completely centered around my husband and my kids. I have zero relationship with my family( for the above reasons)

 We have a social worker from an agency that works with kids( similar to Easter Seals) that comes to our house every couple of weeks. This has been going on for a year, and I really look forward to those visits, because I have been able to relax around her, and I am comfortable and able to just be myself. Yesterday, my husband took part in the visit.

 We have been having some financial trouble. He blames me for it.(Entirely. He doesn't take responsibilty for the fact that only making 10 dollars an hour, with a family of 4, would cause a bit of stress, and make it hard to make our finances work.)

 He has been stressed out about money, and he isn't listening when I tell him that I AM getting the bills paid ON TIME(except for being 3 days late on the electric bill ONCE in the past 9 months), and I am doing the best that I can.

 Yesterday, RIGHT when the visit started, he told the social worker that he wanted to sign me up to get therapy through them...that clearly I am losing control and not facing reality. I had already told him that I do need to find better coping skills, but that "talk therapy" doesn't work with my ADHD. All it does is keep all of those negative thoughts zooming around in my head with nowhere to go. What I need is an ADHD coach, and medication....

 We can't afford the medication.

  He wouldn't listen to me, and pushed about the therapy. Even after I said no in front of her several times, and SHE even said that she cannot refer me for therapy without my consent, he kept pushing about it, even saying he wanted couples therapy so that he could get some help in "dealing with me".

 She told him multiple times that she cannot refer me without my consent, and then finally told him that she would be more than willing to refer HIM for therapy though.

  I feel devastated by this event. Those visits were the ONE situation in my life where I was comfortable and relaxed. Now, I feel like I have to start over again trying to rebuild my reputation with this woman. She is the ONE person that I never felt I had to pretend with.

He doesn't understand why I am so hurt. I tried to talk to him about it last night, and he simply said that it was my fault. I should have managed the finances better.

(By the way, the therapy he was demanding for me had NOTHING to do with our finances. He says I am out of control. I KNOW what out of control feels like, due to the ADHD , and I am exerting an AMAZING amount of control lately, especially without my medication.


Sorry this is so long. I need to get it out.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2014 at 7:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Fairfieldwizard
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:10 AM

No problem. Hope you find some peace.

Missdameanor
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:18 AM
He should have talked this over with you PRIOR to her visit. I would have felt blind sided. I hope you can get effective treatment and that he gets therapy to be more understanding. Good luck, Mama =)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:22 AM

are you a stay at home mom?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:22 AM

I think your husband is an ass and it does sound like he needs therapy

SpnFulOfSugar
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:24 AM
He's sounds pretty toxic.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:18 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for understanding.

 This whole situation has made me feel so unsure of myself. When I tried talking to him about it last night, he told me that by refusing "talk therapy", I am taking HIS options away from him. I asked him how, because I see it as the reverse. By trying to force me into something that I KNOW will not work for me, isn't that trying to take MY options away from ME?

 By the way, I had already been in contact with a local ADHD life coach in my area that works on a sliding scale, and had set up an appointment for myself. This woman uses CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to try to eliminate negative thoughts, and a big part of her practice is helping those that have ADHD to learn workable coping mechanisms.

Quoting Missdameanor: He should have talked this over with you PRIOR to her visit. I would have felt blind sided. I hope you can get effective treatment and that he gets therapy to be more understanding. Good luck, Mama =)


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:19 AM

Yes. What does that have to do with this?

Quoting Anonymous 2:

are you a stay at home mom?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:20 AM

I hope that he does follow through with the referral that she gave him. He doesn't seem to think that he needs it for himself though.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I think your husband is an ass and it does sound like he needs therapy


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:21 AM

I don't think I know what "non-toxic" is, to tell you the truth.  

Quoting SpnFulOfSugar: He's sounds pretty toxic.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:23 AM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't worry about your relationship with this woman, your husband showed her EXACTLY what's going on here. And let me just say, it's not all you. He's toxic as hell and uses your issues as a way to control and mistreat you. EVERY problem in a marriage takes 2 people. Instead of owning up to his part of things he fully blames you, using your mental illness as a scapegoat. THAT is why he's toxic and bad for you. She was right, HE needs therapy, allllll sorts of therapy. 

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