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Would you want to know if your father adopted you?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
I found out that my father was not my biological father when I was 15. My mother had told me in anger, as they had split up when I was 10. My mother was an alcoholic, very abusive to me and my younger brothers. My father was and still is the most caring person I've ever met. Has been both a mother and a father to me. And been there for me for the good and the bad . He met my mom when I was one and the adoption process started at two and my last name was changed at 5 due to my bio fathers stupidity. He was hard to find and denied I was his. My biological father signed over all rights without ever having met me. When my parents separated my father and got custody of my brothers and I. my mother was physically and emotionally abusive to my father as well . He stayed with her for many years in fear of losing us. My father has always been our protector, and is as perfect as any person could be. My mother committed suicide a few months before my 16th birthday. I am now 27, and my two children are my fathers only grandchildren so far. My father has never treated me differently than my brothers. no one ever lied to me they thought I had known because my last name was different, I thought it was just because they weren't married however. My issue is I'm angry because I found out. I wish I had never been told. I Feel like my mother took something from me, as well as all the other damage she caused. My father always told me that the past doesn't make you who you are it just lets you know what you want to be or don't want to be. I'm proud to have my father's last name, and when my wedding happens in a few months I will still have his last name, as well as my fianc├ęs. Has anyone that has found out later in life and upset that they were told? Or even if your not adopted, how would you feel if you found out your father wasn't your bio father. I see some people that are angry that they were never told, but I've never seen somebody angry they found out. The only time contacting my bio father has ever come into thought is about an unknown neurological issue with my youngest, wondering if it's genetic.. Other than that I don't wish to know. What's your thoughts?
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Missdameanor
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:18 PM
I would want to know.
Imperfect_Faith
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:20 PM
If I found out my bio parents weren't actually my bio parents, I'd be thrilled.
I would want to know though. our 3 children are adopted, and that has never been a secret. They're our children, but they have biological parents that they deserve to know about.
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EverSoJasmine
by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:25 PM

No.. if he raised and loved me as his own then he is my dad, no need to know anything else. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:34 PM

Yes, I'd want to know. My cousin told me when I was 13. It was a heartbreak, bu I have lived through many emotions because of it. I love my dad (step dad) and my mom. She did what she thought was best. My dad passed away in July. My bio father passed in 2007. My biggest loss was my step dad. He loved me since day one and I loved him all the way to his last day on this earth. Anger is an emotion that you have to go through. Ride it out and try to realize, that something good comes out on the other side. You have a good father. :) He's pretty wise and give him respect and love. All the anger and resentment? It's not worth it in the end. I'm sorry about your son. I hope you are going to realize the gift of your family. Nothing can change what you mean to each other. :)

nellyoleson
by Ruby Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:34 PM
I think the problem was the way you were told and that you were a teen. My dh was adopted and said he is glad he has always known. In any event, your dad sounds amazing and congrats on your upcoming wedding.
wise.toes
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:36 PM

yes of course i would.

i've always known i'm adopted.

mcginnisc
by *Claire-Bear* on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:38 PM

I would want to know...our dd is adopted and knows her story very well. She is almost 9 and has been told since the beginning. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

adopteeme
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2014 at 4:17 AM
The truth is always better than a lie.
It doesn't have to change your feelings or relationship with the man who raised you.
Imagine if you had never known- and you gave your step fathers medical background to your child's doctors....

I'm sorry your mom told you in anger.
handy0318
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2014 at 4:26 AM

We adopted our kids when they were both a little older. They were each 3.5 years old and were aware they were adopted. But, even if they had been babies, we would have told them the truth from the get go. Adopted kids have their own set of issues to work through and it's best to help them through them as soon as possible. There should never be any secrets of this nature.

To be told something like that at age 15.. especially in anger... that was really shitty. : /


tinybluemoon
by on Oct. 16, 2014 at 4:29 AM

I think it is so important for kids to know they are adopted.

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