Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need some advice/encouragement. Adhd related..

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
Hey ladies,
Okay, so here's the sitch. Ds6 just started kindergarten this year. Before kindergarten he'd been home with me as I am a sahm since he was 2. He never went to a traditional preschool, he spent his days with me, being taught by me. I took him to preschool groups at the library and I used abc mouse for curriculum as well as preschool work books. He was always with me unless on visitation with his Father.
While teaching him at home, I had a VERY difficult time. Anytime it was time to sit down and learn my ds would suddenly "feel sick" "tired" and would just be downright defiant on getting work done most days. It was hard, but I pushed through it, held him accountable and made him do the work. He is easily distracted, fidgety, always talking, always on the go. Can be very demanding and hard to please.
He is my only. I was waiting it out until school to see how he did in a different environment, well, he's having the same issues at school. I am .. and I don't know why, but I'm really upset/disappointed by it. Everyone kept telling me it's just normal boy little kid behavior. And personally, yeah, it is... but it is extreme and he's all over the place some days.
His teacher did the Connors Teacher questionnaire on his behavior and how he's done so far. She put "very much" under these; restless in the squirmy sense, makes inappropriate noises when he shouldn't, distractability or attention span problems, restless always "up and on the go", excitable and impulsive, excessive demands for teachers attention, childish/immature, denies mistakes/blames others
Then "pretty much" for the following; demands must be met immediately, disturbs other children, daydreams, no sense of fair play, fails to finish things he starts
And I'm sitting here just feeling defeated. These things can be true about him, but he's a sweetboy, he's very smart, very likable/lovable, very friendly and outgoing.
I feel kind of offended even.. (yeah, I know I shouldn't, but I do)
She gave me one to fill out on him as well, it had more questions.
I wondered and quietly hoped this wasn't going to be an issue for him. The teacher told me to take the papers to the Dr next time we go, or schedule an appt for it. He goes for his yearly checkup next month, but I think I'm going to call in and see if I need a separate appt to discuss this with his Dr. So it works out fine, I don't have an issue getting him to the Dr and all that.
My issue is accepting it. I know it's nothing "bad" but I don't want him to think there's something wrong with him and I hated having to talk to the teacher about him like that right in front of him.
I don't want medication. I don't really agree with medicating a child who's brain, learning, creativity , personality are still developing.

I don't know how to open up the discussion, I don't know what is going to be the right thing for him. I don't want him to fall behind and have a hard time learning bc of it. I told ds' dad about it. He's also not open to the idea of medication, but we are both very open to natural remedies, and helping our son succeed in every way that we can. I haven't said anything to my SO though. He has had the same problems with one of his children that live with us, the school tried to push to get his son on medication and he refused to even talk to the Dr about it. His son is now in the 3rd grade, has behavioral problems in the gimme
home, at school, and they're talking about him possibly not being able to pass his big 3rd grade reading comprehension tests, if he doesn't he will fail 3rd grade. They're worried about him failing it already, this early on in the school year.
I don't want that to be my son.

I'm going to call the Drs office tomorrow and see if I need a separate appt for this. I'm definitely going to look into it, but I'm bummed and feel at a loss..

Any advice, tips, things that have worked for your child, success stories, anything helpful..
I'm just lost here;

Thanks mamas!!
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:57 PM
Bump!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:57 PM
BUMP!!
condesa
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I am going to tell you a quick story...my youngest son was diagnosed with ADD and ADHD at the age 5.  We had him tested by the school psychologist (in kindergarten) because he could not sit still, interrupted the teacher, etc. It turned out that he had ADD and ADHD, but he also had a genius IQ, which I found out later that most kids with ADD and ADHD are extremely intelligent (Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and many more).  Things that are being taught are so boring and unchallenging to them that they are basically bored.

After many struggles I always make sure that he had a "young teacher" that was trained in ADD children and therefore she could challenge him during class, and it really worked.  Then later on I found a program at his school, where he would go to his school until 12 noon and after that he would be bused to a school that was designed for ADD children, it was heaven sent.

They actually had a "open classroom" policy, he would get there, sign in, and he could go to any classroom he wanted and work on whatever the subject was, they had computer programming, engineering program, where they actually built things...it was incredible...he absolutely blossomed, made lots of friends, the teachers loved him.

In the meantime, everyone (including members of my family) were telling me I should send him away to a military school.  I refused and worked with him and with the schools trying to find one that would cater to children like him (it wasnt easy, but I did it).  Whe he was 16 yrs old, he wrote me a letter (he placed it on my pillow), and it said...Thank you for not giving up on me, you were the only one that always believed in me, when noone else did, I would not be the man that I am today if it wasnt for you.

Today, he is an Engineer, he's married, has a beautiful family and we are still very close.  So the moral of the story is I know it's hard, but hang in there, believe in him, support him no matter what and you both will reap the results !!   Hope this will help you !! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:06 PM
2 moms liked this

You really need to do your research.

 Sorry, but as someone that actually HAS ADHD, I wish to God that my parents had bothered to medicate me when I was a kid. I might not have been so miserable.

People with ADHD tend to grow up feeling like they are inferior in some way...Their brains don't work the same as others, so it makes them feel defective.

 Medication can HELP that. Please do not turn your back on it. If your kid was a diabetic, would you deny him insulin? 

Here is the thing. If the medication is not HELPING him, then either it is the wrong medication, wrong dosage, or wrong diagnosis. If it works, then he will feel 1000% better, and will feel NORMAL.

 This is not YOUR life you are talking about. It is your son's. Do you want to set him up for a lifetime of feeling like a failure because YOU or your husband had "reservations" about the medication?

 I don't mean to sound harsh. I am sorry if I am coming across that way. But like I said, as someone who actually has the disorder, please research what it is like for a child/adult who is NOT on medication. Research what they go through, emotionally and mentally..not just their symptoms.

Shy_Dia
by Emerald Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:14 PM
My son may not pass the 3rd grade bc of that test either. :(

He suffers from adhd, but i decided to medicate, on top of behavioral therapy and his IEP plan. His IEP gives him the chance to get his wiggles out, he can fidget with a small stress toy, he has longer times to complete something and most importantly, if needed, he gets kind of like one on one time with reading. More like four on one lol. The teacher explained that his mind is like popcorn kernels- always popping. I imagine it as constantly flipping the tv channel. A "normal" mind- it can kinda zone in on what needs to be done. His, it's thinking about that, plus 10+ other things, then 5 other things he WANTS to think about. It has NOTHING to do with you. Just remain on him, give him the help that he needs and keep in constant communication with the teacher. See about possible tutors. I personally feel that I'm doing more harm with ds in regards to reading bc I have no idea what to really do, how to truly help him.


Another thing- at parent teacher conferences, for me, i have ds wait else where (hallway or office) then we can talk about his "hardships".. i talk with the teacher about certain things that may help then we bring ds in and explain it all to him... we both think that your brain is having a hard time to settle down. At home, this is what I'll do as mom. At school, this is what your teacher will do. And you are expected to do these things (try your best, quietly tell the teacher you feel too wiggly, etc). Above all, you want to show your son that you and the teacher is a united front.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:35 PM
Thank you so much! That is very inspiring! I will never give up on him, I love him unconditionally and I only want the very best for him and I want to see him have an easier time being able to concentrate and focus.
Thank you for your advice and sharing your story, that is awesome! :)

Quoting condesa:

I am going to tell you a quick story...my youngest son was diagnosed with ADD and ADHD at the age 5.  We had him tested by the school psychologist (in kindergarten) because he could not sit still, interrupted the teacher, etc. It turned out that he had ADD and ADHD, but he also had a genius IQ, which I found out later that most kids with ADD and ADHD are extremely intelligent (Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and many more).  Things that are being taught are so boring and unchallenging to them that they are basically bored.


After many struggles I always make sure that he had a "young teacher" that was trained in ADD children and therefore she could challenge him during class, and it really worked.  Then later on I found a program at his school, where he would go to his school until 12 noon and after that he would be bused to a school that was designed for ADD children, it was heaven sent.


They actually had a "open classroom" policy, he would get there, sign in, and he could go to any classroom he wanted and work on whatever the subject was, they had computer programming, engineering program, where they actually built things...it was incredible...he absolutely blossomed, made lots of friends, the teachers loved him.


In the meantime, everyone (including members of my family) were telling me I should send him away to a military school.  I refused and worked with him and with the schools trying to find one that would cater to children like him (it wasnt easy, but I did it).  Whe he was 16 yrs old, he wrote me a letter (he placed it on my pillow), and it said...Thank you for not giving up on me, you were the only one that always believed in me, when noone else did, I would not be the man that I am today if it wasnt for you.


Today, he is an Engineer, he's married, has a beautiful family and we are still very close.  So the moral of the story is I know it's hard, but hang in there, believe in him, support him no matter what and you both will reap the results !!   Hope this will help you !! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2014 at 12:17 AM
Not offended at all or too harsh. Actually thank you for your reply.
When I say I don't want to medicate, I mean basically I'll do whatever I have to, but that medication to me is a last resort, of course I'll comply with what the Dr wants/thinks (he's an amazing Dr)
What do you mean by you wish that your parents had medicated you so you'd feel normal? What made you feel awkward? What didn't feel right?
My son, he can be pleasant as can be, but when he's frustrated he's off the wall with me sometimes, he gets frustrated and angry. I'm constantly saying "pay attention" to him..

I only what the very best for him. I'm so proud of him and I love him so much. It breaks my heart to see him have a hard time paying attention. It's frustrating as the parent sometimes too. This helps me understand a little better though.

What is it like? What is it like on medication? (Assuming that you take it now) and how was it without. I'm just trying to understand. I'm not easily persuaded and while I trust Drs, one will tell you one thing, and another something else. So it's hard, ya know? I'm definitely looking into it.

I told my SO shortly after posting this, just bc I needed to talk about it. His advice; ignore the teacher, he's just a kid, that's how kids act. That's exactly what he's done with his son.
Idk why he's in denial. I've tried talking to him about getting his kid some help. He's headstrong that it's just all normal behavior.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You really need to do your research.

 Sorry, but as someone that actually HAS ADHD, I wish to God that my parents had bothered to medicate me when I was a kid. I might not have been so miserable.

People with ADHD tend to grow up feeling like they are inferior in some way...Their brains don't work the same as others, so it makes them feel defective.

 Medication can HELP that. Please do not turn your back on it. If your kid was a diabetic, would you deny him insulin? 

Here is the thing. If the medication is not HELPING him, then either it is the wrong medication, wrong dosage, or wrong diagnosis. If it works, then he will feel 1000% better, and will feel NORMAL.

 This is not YOUR life you are talking about. It is your son's. Do you want to set him up for a lifetime of feeling like a failure because YOU or your husband had "reservations" about the medication?

 I don't mean to sound harsh. I am sorry if I am coming across that way. But like I said, as someone who actually has the disorder, please research what it is like for a child/adult who is NOT on medication. Research what they go through, emotionally and mentally..not just their symptoms.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 16, 2014 at 7:30 AM

I am glad that it didn't come across as too harsh. Sometimes I come across that way without meaning to.

  My parents were in (almost) complete denial that there was anything "wrong". I say almost because they labeled it as depression, and had me put on antidepressants. They refused to listen when I told them that the antidepressants made me feel WORSE, not better. 

 I was a smart kid(now a smart adult, lol).I tested out with a genius IQ. I don't have the (outwardly) hyperactive type of ADHD. I have ADHD inattentive type. If I got bored, I would just kind of zone out and get lost inside all of the thoughts zooming around in my head. I was considered to be lazy, and my parents couldn't understand why I couldn't get the work done if I was so smart. I passed every school exam with flying colors(academic tests), but I never did my homework. Due to that, I failed my classes.

 Having ADHD, for me, is like this.....

 As far as processing information, for most people it is like a game of Ping Pong. Information comes to you, you process it and volley a response back.

 For me, it is more like Pinball. Information comes to me, I take it in, pick it apart, analyze it, wonder if they mean what I think they mean, wonder what else they could mean if not what I think, then wonder what they might say next, why they said that, whether something else would have made more sense, and what would have made more sense if I think that what they said didn't. Then, I respond, and instead of responding to just the one thing that was said to me, I start responding to all of the things that just went through my head, and it comes out a jumbled mess and seems to the other person like I wasn't paying attention.

 All of that happens in a split second.

 It's exhausting...mentally and physically exhausting.

 Without the medication, I spent SO much time just trying to present myself as what other people thought was normal, and I was constantly failing(because that is not something I could do with any consistency)

 Now, WITH medication, those zooming thoughts slow down a bit(not completely), and they are more manageable. Executive function is easier to handle, because I do not have so much buzzing around in my head. I am not so easily overwhelmed.

 One of the best analogies that I have ever come across about adhd is for you to picture yourself in a closed room with 59 TV's blaring at top volume all at once, on all different channels.

 That is what ADHD is like off meds.

ON meds, 58 of them get turned off.

 Also, don't let anyone tell you that he will "grow out of it". People don't grow out of ADHD. They learn to manage it, and THAT is what makes it show less over time. 

I hope that all of this helps.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Not offended at all or too harsh. Actually thank you for your reply. When I say I don't want to medicate, I mean basically I'll do whatever I have to, but that medication to me is a last resort, of course I'll comply with what the Dr wants/thinks (he's an amazing Dr) What do you mean by you wish that your parents had medicated you so you'd feel normal? What made you feel awkward? What didn't feel right? My son, he can be pleasant as can be, but when he's frustrated he's off the wall with me sometimes, he gets frustrated and angry. I'm constantly saying "pay attention" to him.. I only what the very best for him. I'm so proud of him and I love him so much. It breaks my heart to see him have a hard time paying attention. It's frustrating as the parent sometimes too. This helps me understand a little better though. What is it like? What is it like on medication? (Assuming that you take it now) and how was it without. I'm just trying to understand. I'm not easily persuaded and while I trust Drs, one will tell you one thing, and another something else. So it's hard, ya know? I'm definitely looking into it. I told my SO shortly after posting this, just bc I needed to talk about it. His advice; ignore the teacher, he's just a kid, that's how kids act. That's exactly what he's done with his son. Idk why he's in denial. I've tried talking to him about getting his kid some help. He's headstrong that it's just all normal behavior.
Quoting Anonymous 2:

You really need to do your research.

 Sorry, but as someone that actually HAS ADHD, I wish to God that my parents had bothered to medicate me when I was a kid. I might not have been so miserable.

People with ADHD tend to grow up feeling like they are inferior in some way...Their brains don't work the same as others, so it makes them feel defective.

 Medication can HELP that. Please do not turn your back on it. If your kid was a diabetic, would you deny him insulin? 

Here is the thing. If the medication is not HELPING him, then either it is the wrong medication, wrong dosage, or wrong diagnosis. If it works, then he will feel 1000% better, and will feel NORMAL.

 This is not YOUR life you are talking about. It is your son's. Do you want to set him up for a lifetime of feeling like a failure because YOU or your husband had "reservations" about the medication?

 I don't mean to sound harsh. I am sorry if I am coming across that way. But like I said, as someone who actually has the disorder, please research what it is like for a child/adult who is NOT on medication. Research what they go through, emotionally and mentally..not just their symptoms.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2014 at 10:36 PM
At what age did they diagnose your ds. I've been finding myself really stressed and frustrated lately with ds with his behavior and I'm constantly having to repeat myself, things that shouldn't take very long take longer,bc he stalls, plays, gets distracted, .. *siigh* so, I will say that this is giving me a sort of relief in a way. I just want him to do and be his very best.

How old was your ds when you started medicine? Did you try anything else before the medicine? Do you feel that it's really helping him? Are there side effects?

And yes the teacher and I talked about how important it is for us to keep in touch on things and working together to help him get better. You are definitely right.

I hope your ds does well on the test. Did he take it yet for the first shot? They did the 3rd grade test here a couple weeks ago. Depending on how SO's son did on it they plan on getting him some special help with reading also.

And that's a great idea with the conferences. I'm going to try and do the same thing when I go to his.
Thank you for your reply! :)


Quoting Shy_Dia: My son may not pass the 3rd grade bc of that test either. :(

He suffers from adhd, but i decided to medicate, on top of behavioral therapy and his IEP plan. His IEP gives him the chance to get his wiggles out, he can fidget with a small stress toy, he has longer times to complete something and most importantly, if needed, he gets kind of like one on one time with reading. More like four on one lol. The teacher explained that his mind is like popcorn kernels- always popping. I imagine it as constantly flipping the tv channel. A "normal" mind- it can kinda zone in on what needs to be done. His, it's thinking about that, plus 10+ other things, then 5 other things he WANTS to think about. It has NOTHING to do with you. Just remain on him, give him the help that he needs and keep in constant communication with the teacher. See about possible tutors. I personally feel that I'm doing more harm with ds in regards to reading bc I have no idea what to really do, how to truly help him.


Another thing- at parent teacher conferences, for me, i have ds wait else where (hallway or office) then we can talk about his "hardships".. i talk with the teacher about certain things that may help then we bring ds in and explain it all to him... we both think that your brain is having a hard time to settle down. At home, this is what I'll do as mom. At school, this is what your teacher will do. And you are expected to do these things (try your best, quietly tell the teacher you feel too wiggly, etc). Above all, you want to show your son that you and the teacher is a united front.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2014 at 10:57 PM
So when did you get the correct diagnosis and medication? Do you notice the difference in your body, mental clarity, personality if you don't take it?
His teacher said he's very smart and doesn't have a problem learning, but like you he'll zone out. I've always thought it was him just being absent minded and not paying attention. And it's driven me crazy some days honestly. I love him to pieces, but some days he makes me want to pull my hair out with his behavior. So I hope this helps.. he also fights me pretty much every night on doing homework, he'll do some
then just give up and become complacent and not even try or be completely careless and sloppy.

All of it does help .. a lot! Thank you for your replies! Do you know of any adhd websites? Does it sound like he's having issues? Should I go along with what the teacher says? Some of it I think is normal kid behavior, but on other days he is so completely exhausting I feel like I just want to cry..

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I am glad that it didn't come across as too harsh. Sometimes I come across that way without meaning to.

  My parents were in (almost) complete denial that there was anything "wrong". I say almost because they labeled it as depression, and had me put on antidepressants. They refused to listen when I told them that the antidepressants made me feel WORSE, not better. 

 I was a smart kid(now a smart adult, lol).I tested out with a genius IQ. I don't have the (outwardly) hyperactive type of ADHD. I have ADHD inattentive type. If I got bored, I would just kind of zone out and get lost inside all of the thoughts zooming around in my head. I was considered to be lazy, and my parents couldn't understand why I couldn't get the work done if I was so smart. I passed every school exam with flying colors(academic tests), but I never did my homework. Due to that, I failed my classes.

 Having ADHD, for me, is like this.....

 As far as processing information, for most people it is like a game of Ping Pong. Information comes to you, you process it and volley a response back.

 For me, it is more like Pinball. Information comes to me, I take it in, pick it apart, analyze it, wonder if they mean what I think they mean, wonder what else they could mean if not what I think, then wonder what they might say next, why they said that, whether something else would have made more sense, and what would have made more sense if I think that what they said didn't. Then, I respond, and instead of responding to just the one thing that was said to me, I start responding to all of the things that just went through my head, and it comes out a jumbled mess and seems to the other person like I wasn't paying attention.

 All of that happens in a split second.

 It's exhausting...mentally and physically exhausting.

 Without the medication, I spent SO much time just trying to present myself as what other people thought was normal, and I was constantly failing(because that is not something I could do with any consistency)

 Now, WITH medication, those zooming thoughts slow down a bit(not completely), and they are more manageable. Executive function is easier to handle, because I do not have so much buzzing around in my head. I am not so easily overwhelmed.

 One of the best analogies that I have ever come across about adhd is for you to picture yourself in a closed room with 59 TV's blaring at top volume all at once, on all different channels.

 That is what ADHD is like off meds.

ON meds, 58 of them get turned off.

 Also, don't let anyone tell you that he will "grow out of it". People don't grow out of ADHD. They learn to manage it, and THAT is what makes it show less over time. 

I hope that all of this helps.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Not offended at all or too harsh. Actually thank you for your reply.
When I say I don't want to medicate, I mean basically I'll do whatever I have to, but that medication to me is a last resort, of course I'll comply with what the Dr wants/thinks (he's an amazing Dr)
What do you mean by you wish that your parents had medicated you so you'd feel normal? What made you feel awkward? What didn't feel right?
My son, he can be pleasant as can be, but when he's frustrated he's off the wall with me sometimes, he gets frustrated and angry. I'm constantly saying "pay attention" to him..

I only what the very best for him. I'm so proud of him and I love him so much. It breaks my heart to see him have a hard time paying attention. It's frustrating as the parent sometimes too. This helps me understand a little better though.

What is it like? What is it like on medication? (Assuming that you take it now) and how was it without. I'm just trying to understand. I'm not easily persuaded and while I trust Drs, one will tell you one thing, and another something else. So it's hard, ya know? I'm definitely looking into it.

I told my SO shortly after posting this, just bc I needed to talk about it. His advice; ignore the teacher, he's just a kid, that's how kids act. That's exactly what he's done with his son.
Idk why he's in denial. I've tried talking to him about getting his kid some help. He's headstrong that it's just all normal behavior.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You really need to do your research.

 Sorry, but as someone that actually HAS ADHD, I wish to God that my parents had bothered to medicate me when I was a kid. I might not have been so miserable.

People with ADHD tend to grow up feeling like they are inferior in some way...Their brains don't work the same as others, so it makes them feel defective.

 Medication can HELP that. Please do not turn your back on it. If your kid was a diabetic, would you deny him insulin? 

Here is the thing. If the medication is not HELPING him, then either it is the wrong medication, wrong dosage, or wrong diagnosis. If it works, then he will feel 1000% better, and will feel NORMAL.

 This is not YOUR life you are talking about. It is your son's. Do you want to set him up for a lifetime of feeling like a failure because YOU or your husband had "reservations" about the medication?

 I don't mean to sound harsh. I am sorry if I am coming across that way. But like I said, as someone who actually has the disorder, please research what it is like for a child/adult who is NOT on medication. Research what they go through, emotionally and mentally..not just their symptoms.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)