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losing a parent?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
This isn't really a confession. Honestly, I guess I'm just looking for someone who can relate, or some support, something. In 2006 I met my (ex) husband. We got married in 2009. He was very controlling and emotionally, verbally, and at times physically abusive. My family hated him, and in turn he hated them. I didn't realize how abusive he was. He eventually convinced me to move to another state with him, and slowly started cutting me off from my family. Yes I allowed it, yes I stayed. When you're in that situation, you don't always see it for what it is. That's the back story. Shoot forward to 2011 and I hadn't talked to my mother. She and I had a rough relationship anyway, but he made it worse. She was diagnosed with bipolar and depression, and tried committing suicide many times. I wasn't allowed to talk to her, but constantly worried about her. January 1, 2012 my grandpa called me. My mom had successfully committed suicide. I hadn't seen her in 3 years, and talked to her in at least 2. My world shattered. I begged him to take me to the funeral, and he finally agreed. The first time I saw my mom in years, she was in a casket. I never got to tell her how sorry I was, or how much I loved her. Now it's to late. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years, and I still feel like I'm dying inside every day. I miss her so much, I hate myself for what happened, I even blame myself some. It hurts so bad that she is gone. He and his mom made me feel guilty for missing her, and when I wasn't over it in a month, began telling me I was crazy. We divorced 6 months after her death. I don't care, I'm better without him. But I miss my mamma. Sometimes I cry for hours and get so depressed. Has anyone else here lost a parent? Did the pain get better? Sometimes I think it never will. I feel like this is slowly killing me. I guess I just needed to vent, and hope someone knows what I'm going through....
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
strictmomhere
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:17 PM
Sorry hugs my mom passed in 04
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ArmyWife112908
by Mrs.Crane on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:21 PM
My mom had a horrible time when her dad died. She had to go to a counselor for several years and take medication. Your mom knows you love her, now you just need to forgive yourself.
ChunkyMonkey25
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:22 PM
I lost my mother 10' years ago this December. Some days I don't even think about it, others it weighs heavy on my heart, and I still have those moments of I can't believe this happen.

Death is something I don't think you truly ever get over, you just learn to deal with it. What easies the pain for me is knowing she is no longer suffering and I mainly grieve the loss of the future I could of had with her.

I still will 'talk' to her.
lollip0p
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:23 PM

I am so so so sorry that happened to you. I also was with an abusive man who slowly alienated me from my family. I never lost touch with my mum but he made it so I could only speak to her on the phone, and even then, he made that difficult. I understand how that happens. I would have never thought in a million years I'd be the 'type' of woman to fall into that kind of relationship but it happened.

My mum died suddenly 2 years ago, while I was still with the guy she hated. It makes me sick to think of the time I wasted being with him and allowing him to pull me away from her.

I don't really have any advice. It hurts. It still hurts. You will always miss her, as I miss mine. I guess maybe I'm hoping it helps to know you are very much not alone. We all make mistakes and unfortunately, some of us aren't lucky enough to repair the damage in time.

It's not your fault though, you were in a trap. I'm so glad you're free now. I think it will get easier with time. Like all scars, it will never go away but it becomes a part of you you learn to live with. Hugs, mama x

greenie63
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:24 PM
Yes both my parents have passed. The pain still comes but eases as time passes. I know life is a cycle and we're here for a brief time, so I live life to the fullest. My children make me realize the joy of being alive. ((Hugs)) momma I am sure your mom loved you.
littlelamb303
by Emerald Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:25 PM

I lost my mom nearly 19 yrs ago and I was just thinking today how much I missed her and how many important things she has missed in my life.   The pain gets better, but the loss is always there.

manifer_momma
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:28 PM
I lost my dad 20 years ago. I was a kid. The pain never goes away but you do learn to cope with it.
((HUGS))
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:34 PM
My dad died in 2011. I have guilt for being a shitty daughter. I wasn't mean, I guess I just took him for granted. He was only 56 so I thought he still had a lot of years for me to call and visit more. He had a heart attack sometime between 6 when he left work and 3 when the cleaning lady found him the next day.

It's gotten to where I'm not sad everyday, but I do think about him everyday. I had a moment a few days ago where I cried because I remembered him teaching me how to play baseball. Just a random memory of him laughing at me while I spun in circles with a bat. It's not like a knife in my chest anymore, but I think there will always be bad days.

I'm glad you got away from the asshole ex. Don't blame yourself and I imagine your mom knew what was going on, understood and knew you loved her.
SDmomma-3
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:39 PM
This...I was 6 when I lost my father and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him. It hurts but I have learned to cope and I do my best to lead a life I know he would be proud of.

Forgive yourself for what happened in the past. I'm sure that your mother knew you loved her and forgave you. Don't let regret get the best of you, lead the best life you can in her memory!

Quoting manifer_momma: I lost my dad 20 years ago. I was a kid. The pain never goes away but you do learn to cope with it.
((HUGS))
msalice_21
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:41 PM
I never had a relationship with my dad. Even though we worked together, we never spoke unless it was work related. We acted like strangers.
He was killed in February by my aunt. I knew from when i heard that gun go off he was gone. And from that moment on, I regreted not having that relationship. I wasn't done arguing with him. I wasn't done having debates and disagreements. I didn't think I cared but I do now and it's too late. I'll never get that time back. I miss him and I love him. And I hate that bitch for some many reasons but mostly because she took someone away that I still needed in my life.
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