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I'm the child of a sahm

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 58 Replies
1 mom liked this
I try to steer clear from post like this because they are not ever clear cut and dry. There's so many things to discuss and so many feelings involved that the topic alone becomes toxic and a battlefield between working mothers and sahm. If it works for your household then by all accounts do what works for your household but keep in mind that your children become adults that have opinions on their up bringing and sometimes those opinions hurt and lack understanding. I never want to speak on it because I don't want my mother or myself attacked by random anons or people who can't fully understand because there are times where I myself lack full understanding of her choices or that of my own but here goes.

My father was a hard working man and we were well taken care of. I never went without a need or a want. A beautiful home, and nice car, vacations two and three times a year. The nicest clothes and shoes Gymnastics, ballet and any other extra curricula I wanted. I can't remember a time my father told me no, even once in college he paid everything. And for that I appreciate him.

My mother was the home maker cook, clean, attending every event I was a part of, shopping, hair, nails, my first crush, breakup, loss of friends and the enjoyment of making new ones my mother was everything to me and everything I needed her to be or so I thought. There's much more to being a woman and mother.

But the reality is I missed a lot of time with my father. He never had time for daddy daughter talks and she always made up for his lack of interest and time spent. He never came to my class rooms for volunteer work, or career day, I could never go with him because his work was not top secret but very confidential. He attended the once in awhile things graduation, wedding etc... but I can't remember a time that he was the daddy a young girl, teenager, college student needed. And when recently confronted with my feelings of missing that time he blamed my mother not in so many words but he did. They are divorced now and they both have their feelings on what went wrong and why she feels like he is living a second childhood and will come to his senses. He feels like he is done taking care of her emotionally, financially and physically. She was often fragile and emotional. No back bone to make real life decisions. She was what she thought I needed her to be and he wanted her to be. Not at all what she should have been. There were times that we had fallen on hard times and he worked overtime taking jobs that required travel because they paid more instead of telling her to get a job. There were times that because he traveled for work they argued which made him resent her. And now as an adult I have mixed feelings about the life and role of a sahm vs. Working mom. I have stayed at home but only for a year after each childs birth, and I work full time and they are now in 2nd and 4th grade. We have discussed it dh and I and I couldn't imagine sitting around the house all day waiting till everyone gets home. At one point I couldn't imagine leaving the children to go back to work either. But when weighing the scale I decided. I do have reservations about my mother and I don't think her role as a sahm was right for her or me. I feel like she wanted that role he agreed and when things got tough financially she didn't help leaving me without a father daughter relationship because he was making sure we stayed above water. I think too resents her because he had to take care of everything financially while she got to be a full-time mother, wife and home maker. He missed out on a lot with me. We do what we think is best at the time but our children eventually grow up and blame us or congratulate us either way make sure you can get by with what is left of your sanity after they do, because we don't get a do overs. And that's my thoughts and feelings!!
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:57 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:00 AM
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I'm a child of a SAHM and I loved it. She was a great homemaker. She did not sit around all day waiting for us to come home. Not even close. She worked her ass off taking care of all of us. And she loved doing it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Exactly she worked her ass off at being a parent...

Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm a child of a SAHM and I loved it. She was a great homemaker. She did not sit around all day waiting for us to come home. Not even close. She worked her ass off taking care of all of us. And she loved doing it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:03 AM
And a wife. She is great at both and it worked perfectly for our family.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Exactly she worked her ass off at being a parent...
Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm a child of a SAHM and I loved it. She was a great homemaker. She did not sit around all day waiting for us to come home. Not even close. She worked her ass off taking care of all of us. And she loved doing it.

Rangermom772
by Platinum Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

My father worked a lot. I never saw much of him until my parents divorced, then he made more of an effort. I needed a stay at home parent. I was alone way too much.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:10 AM
Then you didn't read my post thoroughly

Quoting Anonymous 2: And a wife. She is great at both and it worked perfectly for our family.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Exactly she worked her ass off at being a parent...
Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm a child of a SAHM and I loved it. She was a great homemaker. She did not sit around all day waiting for us to come home. Not even close. She worked her ass off taking care of all of us. And she loved doing it.
tinybluemoon
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:11 AM

Lucky you, I kind of wish I was. My mother worked around 100 hours a week, give or take. We lived and breathed her profession. It wasn't just a job, it was a lifestyle. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:13 AM
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Hu? Yes I did. I didn't judge or comment on your family at all. Just mine and my experience. You don't think your mom's role as a SAHM was right for her or you. My mom loved being a SAHM. That role was right for HER and our family.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Then you didn't read my post thoroughly

Quoting Anonymous 2: And a wife. She is great at both and it worked perfectly for our family.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Exactly she worked her ass off at being a parent...


Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm a child of a SAHM and I loved it. She was a great homemaker. She did not sit around all day waiting for us to come home. Not even close. She worked her ass off taking care of all of us. And she loved doing it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:13 AM
Would he have worked so much if they shared the financial responsibility of raising a family and running a home?

Quoting Rangermom772:

My father worked a lot. I never saw much of him until my parents divorced, then he made more of an effort. I needed a stay at home parent. I was alone way too much.

CrimsonNGrey
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm the child of a SAHM who buster her butt and not once showed any distaste for doing so. I'm also a child of a SAHM who decided that she couldn't stay home anymore once I hit high school and wound up going back to work. I think she is amazing and strong.
MeAndTommyLee
by Angie on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:14 AM
Its possible for both parents to work different shifts and have a parent in the house at all times. We did it. However, if I was not fortunate to have an 11pm-7am job, I would have stayed home full-time.
Now I am home full-time with our last 2 of 7 kids. I'm retired with a pension.
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